How to Be a Great Wife

How to Be a Great Wife

You want to be a wonderful wife, but what does that mean? Ultimately, it's up to your and your husband to determine the needs of your relationship and how each partner can do their part to fulfill them, but here are some guidelines to start off with.

Steps

1. Be secure in yourself.
Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be.
He will find you sexy even if you don't feel like it, if you act the part. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy.
Poor self-esteem and a "void" in your life is terrible for marriage. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, would you still have girlfriends you see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to, sports you play? If not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he can't, and will feel inadequate and unhappy.

2. Express, don't accuse.
Except in the rare event that your husband happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around". Communicate calmly, clearly and directly. Relationships work best when women calmly express their current emotion without harping on what he has done. Frequently, a "I feel attacked" or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored." Let "I feel" be your guide.

3. Don't expect the moon.
He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone.
However, if you both keep working on your marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.

4. Pick your battles.
Nagging and nitpicking can damage a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher "the right way". Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important.

5. Keep your sex life interesting.
Be willing to try new things and discuss them--don't just turn them down immediately if he suggests something you don't find appealing. This may make him feel rejected. At least be willing to discuss it, and perhaps try it, but never do anything you are uncomfortable with after discussing it with him. Also, don't be afraid to discuss anything you might be interested in. Physical intimacy is as important to a marriage as emotional intimacy. Nurture them both.

6. Accept him.
Only by accepting him as he is, do you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you.

Tips
* Don't criticize your husband, not in his presence, not in his absence, not when you're in front of people, and not when you're alone together. Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as much as you can. This doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns, but there's a difference between expressing your needs and criticizing his ability to meet them.


Warnings

* If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's definitely not a good relationship. A real man gets what he wants without forcing. Talk things out or see a counsellor. If he turns violent, even once, make sure you're safe. Depending on the situation that might mean moving out, or calling the police, or telling someone what's happening - whatever you do, don't continue to suffer in silence, and don't accept abuse (physical or otherwise) in your relationship. Remember - he will come back, as loving as ever, and apologize again and again and again - and the violence escalates each time. Read How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship.

from WikiHow