True Love, is it hard to find it ?

By Whitneay T. Vanwells In our counseling work with our clients here at FusionMasters TM Ltd., we have run into one main issue that keeps repeating itself. That issue is 'how to find true love'. Below are some of the reasons that we have received from our clients that they have found to block them on their journey to find true love.

1. Mother and Father programs. We all had someone, or a group of someone's that raised us. They had problems that someone gave to them in their early childhood. These subconscious blocks and programs, are handed down, through day today contact with the same people. Depending on who raised you, and what they carried, you also have the identical blocks and programs in your subconscious mind. Regardless of the fact that you might have said: "No matter what, I will not be like THEM! You inwardly, copied their deep subconscious beliefs, and recorded it in your own mind. When 2 people get married, they are generally O.K. for about a year. It is after this time, that the subconscious blocks and programs start to surface. Even if you have a true love relationship, or that possibility, this will happen. Soon, you are wondering who the heck you married. "I didn't notice THAT when we were dating!" Is a common statement, that we hear. But, what you really don't like about your partner, is their Mother and Father blocks and programs, their subconscious childhood programming. This programming is part of the karmic burden, that they are working on in this life time. And, the problems begin in a relationship, when these programs start to surface so that the person can work through them. And, who do we play these old programs on, but the very person, we love and trust the most, our mate.

2. The Munchkins. Next, a little passenger shows up. The parent programs that you transferred to your partner, you are now also saying and doing to your child. Sad. This is what you swore that you would never, ever, do! You might stuff some these programs, but when they come out you don't like what you are saying and doing and worse yet, you can't seem to stop! Tears come, or a new drinking habit materializes, because you just can't take it. You are now beginning to realize that you have a big problem, and the problem is inside. You try to stop. But, you soon find, yourself repeating the same copied rage over, and over again. You might mistreat your mate, you might mistreat your children, and you hate yourself for what you are doing, and saying. Most of the population never do any work on themselves, and a few start, and soon give up on therapy. Only to become a hardening copy, of their own parents over time. Most stay within this loss of identity for life, believing that there is no way out. This is the mind's way of keeping control.

3. Self Hatred. When you are not able to be yourself, and to communicate as yourself, you soon start a struggle with your mind, and ego. My husband also had a struggle with his mind, and his parents inside of him. We were a dysfunctional couple, and our little family was also dysfunctional. Neither of us realized that the whole world was based on dysfunctional programs, that were handed down from parents to children. We didn't know that the difficulties that we were experiencing, the neighbors next door were dealing with as well. In our childhood homes we had learned about rage, self hatred, and self anger. When rage, and self hatred live inside of us it takes up the space where self love could exist.

4. Divorce.At some point you reach the conclusion that your marriage sucks, and that you want out of it. You might have slept with someone else, or you new, favorite past time, might be bitching about what a loser your partner is. All women have universal man hating programs, and they are notorious for complaining to other women about their spouse. New fantasies about having sex or a relationship with someone new might become common place. Soon, one of you, either yourself or your spouse, is more fed up than the other, and goes to see a lawyer and files for divorce. Let the games begin. During the divorce process, and after the divorce, you might fluctuate between sadness, and lashing out at your ex-spouse....the person that you once believed walked on water. Some how, in your confusion and pain, you forgot who your partner was, who you are, and who your children are. The problem is still inside.

5. The Warehouse. There is a second, Big 'D'. That would be known as depression. Depression, is really just another name for anger, and for feeling used, let down or betrayed. The trust was broken in the relationship but, most likely by both parties. A deep hurt prevails. At the center of this vast hurt, is what We call the "Warehouse". The warehouse is the store room of all your past life hurts and this life hurts. When we go through a big trauma, like a divorce, this warehouse opens up. That is why the pain can be excruciating. You are not only feeling the loss of love from the adult relationship dying, you are also feeling ALL of your childhood hurts, and even past life pain. The pain is excruciating, and over overwhelming. If you have abandonment issues, you might also feel, the severe loss of love, from your early childhood.

6. The Cross Roads. Now you come to a new place in your life. You can continue to create more of the same, and end up going through a second divorce with someone that will most likely be very much like your first partner........Or. You might turn to a new religion. This may not be a religious path like becoming a member of the Catholic Church. This is a new, inner, religion is to find out: "Who The Heck Am I?" This is not an ordinary religion. This religion has to do with finding the true altar within, your true Self. You looked for you, in money, and for some reason, you weren't there. You looked for you, in your work, and again, you were not there. You looked for you in a life partner, and the above story blew that away. But, some place, inside of you, on one of those very dark nights, when you thought you might be better off to just "check out", something very good happened. Maybe in the dark of the night, came one of those Great Souls from the other side, who whispered gentle divine messages to you. Messages, that you thought were your own thoughts. Whatever method Spirit chose to talk to you, you were given the gift of 'the cross roads'. The cross roads, is the realization that you have the choice to either create more chaos in your life or that you can turn your attention towards discovering your own identity.

7. The Seeker. Perhaps you have come to this web site, because you are looking. You are looking for love, or your are looking for self love. You might have been on the path for a long time, or maybe a year or two. You might just be starting to look for you, now. You have many battle scars on your heart, but you forge ahead. You are now, 10 times the person that you were when you were a small child, though you may not be at all aware of the changes in yourself. To become the receiver of love, you know that you will have to work on learning to give real love. You might be a meditator, a member of a new age religion, or you have attended a ton of personal growth seminars. You might be at a point where you could give a seminar. And, it would most likely be a good one. You have been through many battles of the ego, and you have won battles, and others, you are still fighting. You finally realized that to have, and keep true love, that you had to develop a love relationship with YOU, first. You are now the Knight, no matter if you are male or female, and you are ready to receive true love.

8. Is Some Body Out There! You are now a prime candidate for a true love relationship. But, there is one last hurdle, to jump over. Because of all of the work that you have done on your SELF, you are now too far above the majority of the population. You are not willing to accept a partner that has not done the same work, that you have done. That would be going down hill. And, people like you, are very hard to find. Celibacy, is not your cup of tea. You miss touch terribly. But, you would rather be celibate, and have a great time in the shower, than hook up with a partner, that doesn't know who the heck THEY ARE. But, you realize that you are on the last part of your Journey and you also know that you only need 1 person, and only 1, and that they are out THERE. And, they are looking for YOU.

9. True Love. By now, you might have learned to love, and care for yourself. You get bummed out sometimes but you know that everyone does. You take responsibility for your emotions, and your life. You care about you. You might even know something about unconditional love. You are now ready, so in walks your life partner ... Like attracts like, and like you, they are thrilled. They knew that they had to do their homework. They knew about the cross roads, and the effort that it takes to become a magnet for love. Like you, they found the religion of the Self, and worked hard to unravel the ego. Like you, they would not settle for less, they waited, and searched. Like you, they are in ecstasy, knowing that they really have found "The One" - YOU! You are realizing a dream, your wish made manifest after so many painful years of searching. Now, the 2 of you can share the real Journey, the Journey Home to God.


Your Life Journey, might have other twists than the above story. You might have loved yourself enough to NOT have to go through some of these stages. Maybe you went through them in another life. You might be experiencing one of these stages right now. You might have already found true love. For those of those of you that have found true love, you already have your Blessings. For those of you, who are on the Journey to find your True Love....... you have ours.

Set up a Love sign

"WILL I FIND A SOUL MATE TO LOVE ME, THIS YEAR?"

Dear One, I did your research and found this: First off, I must tell you that I was touched by the feelings behind your question and the search for love that your heart has taken. And, further to that, I will explain some things to you, about the meaning of love partners.

The Twin Flame theory is not true. We do not split in half and spend the rest of our lives seeking the other half of who we are. Inside of each of us is masculine, feminine, and neutral or Soul energies. This does not split into two halves on incarnating to this plane. But, there are however, and many Soul Mate relationships possible for each of you. But, your question should read, 'will I find true love during this year'.

You can also find true love with a non soul mate partner that can be most wonderful. We often seek out old love mates, subconsciously seeking them, as there is old karmic ties there. In some ways this is good because we already know these people, but often we start a karmic relationship, to clean up old past life mistakes. Only 1 in 7,000 relationships is a true love relationship, and the rest are karmic in nature, and we are just cleaning up the old mistakes, and learning negative lessons. When the clean-up is complete, the couple usually divorces or separates.

Here is what I suggest to you. You show subconscious programming from childhood, on abandonment and other hurts, that block your own self love. This makes it most difficult to attract a caring, true love partner. At some point, I would recommend personal growth work to you, to free you from the old karmic bonds from the past, and to also vent old hurts from your past. For now, here is a suggestion for you:

How To Set-Up A Love Sign:
If you set-up a Love Sign to know when the right person appears, it makes the process of selecting a marriage partner, much easier. I heard this method at a spiritual seminar that I attended, several years ago and it does work. At the seminar, a woman explained to a large group of people, how she found her husband.

She was told, by Spirit, to set-up a sign to identify her right love partner. She selected 13 white feathers as her love sign. The number is important. If the love sign is too easy to find, it may not work. Shortly after that, she started to 'find' and receive white feathers. In letters, cards, on TV, and in junk mail. But, never 13 white feathers, always other numbers. At this same time, she had a best guy friend and he was making plans to go on vacation to New Zealand. While visiting there, in a remote village, he found a small curio shop. He bought her a card at the shop, and then mailed it to her. She received the little card before he returned home, and on the border of the card, were exactly 13 white feathers. She knew he was the one. They dated for over 6 months before she ever told him about the love-sign, as she was afraid to scare him off. When she did tell him, their love was already solid. A year later, they were married, and they are now happy and enjoying a loving, true love relationship.

It is very important to note, however, that she had done many years of spiritual work, and had cleared her negative programs, that were blocking a true love relationship. If you use this method, and still do not discover your true love partner, then there is most likely, more inner work to be done, and there are more blocks and programs to be removed. But, give this method a try, and set-up a love sign. It has worked for others, and it can work for you.


Ok, guys that above all written by Whitneay T. Vanwells, for addition, according to my experience, signs is not really absolute right for us to hold tight.. I mean, that's good if we have signs to ensure our relationship..But , we must make sure, we must keep really praying seriously for His leading. Because, sometimes we still can not understand His signs accurately. Our thoughts sometimes does not click with His way. I think we must believe, that God knows everything better than us, right. Watch your signs. Honest to yourself. Ask someone more spiritual than you to help you to know Is it make sense for we can say it is quality signs, or it is not. Ok, success for you all.

How to forget you First Love

I have serious problem solving this feeling. I can not forget my first love,and everything about him still sounds so amazing for me. Though my first love has married with other.
I hope when you read this article. it would give you a way how to forget your ex or your first love.
How To Forget Your Ex

Would you like to know how to completely forget your ex? The following tips can help you move on:

The first step is to accept reality. Your love is gone.

This may take some time, depending on how serious your relationship was. The sooner you accept the fact that your partner is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your life.

Do not look at their photographs and other things that may remind you of them.

Throw out anything that your ex gave you. Those things may bring back memories that you don't want to remember.

Remove his or her phone number from your phone book and recent call list.

Do not call your ex, do not write emails, letters or text messages. If your ex calls you don't answer or reply to their messages.

Call your friends and hang out with them.

Spend time in places where you can meet interesting new people and make new friends.

Make a list of things that you love and hate about your ex.

There are definitely going to be more negative ones. So, whenever you're feeling attracted to your ex again, go over that list.

Avoid your ex. If you run into each other at the same place, leave. If this is not possible, just say hello and ask your ex about her/his work, or something like that. Don't talk about your past relationship. Your ex is probably trying to get over you as well.

Think of all things you can do now that you are single.

Find something constructive to do - and then do it. Take up a new hobby and enroll in some classes. Alternatively, you can work hard and focus on your career. Work can be a great distraction.

Date other people. =)
By: Pax Shumway.. recomposition by Yunike Andreas

How is your look

What's in a Look?
The Ins and Outs of Flirting Many people have truly no idea what flirting is, much less how to do it effectively.

Truth is, though, in today's busy and crowded world, you often only get a very short time to make an impression on someone- often from a distance- and flirting may be the only chance you get. Whether it's in a crowded classroom, restaurant, mall, or other gathering place, you constantly have an opportunity to meet new people through subltle flirting.

For the girl, flirting can send a message to the guy from a distance that you're interested, or at least you want to get to know him a little better.

For the guy, flirting with a girl gives you a chance to see her reaction to you. A positive reaction would likely give you the signal to introduce yourself.

Flirting, accomplished effectively, sends the signal that you are a friendly, nice, and fun person, and you may be interested in the other person. These days, however, it is important to flirt strategically and politely. A persistent,unwelcome flirt can be not only irritating, but downright scary, in the wrong situation. The key here is drawing the line between looking/glancing versus staring/leering.
Accompanied with the look, is the smile. A natural, friendly smile will always do better than the forced, fake one. In fact, the forced smile is often referred to as a 'psycho' smile. No one likes to be looked at like the other person is going to paint a 20 foot mural of you in their basement. Ok, here's specifics.
For either a guy or a girl, a 2-3 second look, with a friendly smile, is usually enough to show interest. Try practicing with a friend, or in the mirror, and you will find three seconds is much longer than two people normally look into each other's eyes, unless they know each other well. Just as important as the duration of the look, however, is what you do right afterward. You want to give a confident, but not overconfident appearance. Avoid looking at the ceiling (showing arrogance or lack of interest).

For girls, looking down right after the glance can send a positive and flirtatious message. For guys, looking back a few seconds later with a smile can go a long way. If you can, glance her way then return to your conversation or smile. You're sending the message that you are a happy and fun, and not desperate. Body language during the 'look' can be equally inportant. You want to look relaxed and confident, yet not like you're full of yourself.

Guys, don't flex your muscles intentionally, unless you're in the gym.

For the girls, fixing your makeup, hair, or other personal appearance detail may just send the message that you're 'high maintenance.' If you want to make sure you look good, check in a mirror before you begin 'the glancing game,' Remember, if you're not talking to this person face-to-face yet, all they have to go on their impression of you is what they see.

Levels of commitment

The 5 Levels Of Commitment In A Relationship And, How You Can Improve Relationship Trust. guys, this article written By Whitneay T. Vanwells to a person who sent question mail to her, u may check this out. I hope it will help you.
Dear One, I did your research on your question on love, and realized that there were many that were out there in the same boat as you, seeking to find love, or to help the relationship that they were presently in. Here is what I found in my research:
You have free will to choose to stay or go in the relationship, as fate is not written in stone, and can be changed every day through your choices. Yet, you show some difficulties in communication with him, and with commitment, on both sides. Just so that you know, there are 5 basic levels of commitment in a relationship:

1. Dating and going out together (No sexual intimacy at this level).
2. Dating each other only, (dating exclusively and some intimacy, not sex).
3. Engagement; a commitment to making the relationship permanent. Intimacy is OK here. By now you are making plans for a future together, and it is safe and constructive to trust at a physical level. Women who give in tosex before and on this stage, often pay the price of loosing their partner, and their dignity.
4. Marriage, the fourth stage, is the goal of the relationship. Sexual Intimacy allowed here =)
5. Stage 5 is supporting the marriage and working on maintaining the bond.

It is very important to go through each of these levels, and to spend time in each, while recognizing the needs of your partner, and your own needs as well. Talk to him, without pushing him.
When you push him to do something, you actually make him go the other way, the opposite way.
Talk to him, and just say, here is what I know about commitment, where do you think we are now. Once you agree upon this one thing, then you have a map for the relationship. Having a map for the relationship, takes the pressure off of both parties, and it is a very important step in developing a long term relationship.


Women tend to push men into marriage. Sometimes, they also tend to be intimate sooner than what they are comfortable with. They do this, because they fear that the man will leave if they are not intimate. Then the woman, generally, will have doubts, and want commitment, because she is afraid that he will leave. And, because she is feeling very vulnerable, having become intimate without a good emotional foundation.

He might, at this point, be scared, and feel pushed. He might feel on the spot, and yes, leave. Just so you know, this scenario happens, and it happens daily.
My sister dated many men when she was young. She would date 1 for a month or so, and become intimate with them, figuring that the relationship was safe. They were soon gone. Then, for about 5 years, she didn't date at all, because she saw a pattern in what was happening in her relationships. Then, she met someone very nice. They dated for 1 year, and were not intimate outside of kissing. When he would drop her off at her apartment, she would kiss him good night, and tell him to go home and have a cold shower. He loved her, so he respected her boundaries. Their wedding was one of love and trust. They were both sure that they were marrying the right person.

Their relationship was strong because they took their time, and got to know each other. She had figured out, that intimacy is actually a way to destroy a relationship when there is not enough emotional foundation.

Listen to these words. They will save you years of heartache. The bottom line in a healthy relationship, is to go at the pace that is comfortable for you both. If you go at your partner's pace, you might soon find yourself feeling overwhelmed. The pace of the relationship, needs to be talked about, and contemplated. Then, you both know where the relationship is, and it takes the pressure off you. It takes time to create a solid relationship built on trust. Give yourselves this time.

For those who are already married the 5th. stage of supporting the marriage, and working on it, is primary for success. If you get married, and don't work to support each other, and put your partner first, you will soon find yourself disappointed in what you have.

Dating doesn't stop at the door of the wedding. The husband needs to continue to court his wife, for life. The wife needs to continue to appreciate her mate, and the things that he does for her. Both must put their partner first, not last, on their list of priorities.
But, these are just words. It is through the application of your effort, that the love is kept alive in a good marriage. To keep your love alive, the battlefield of love, must be won every day. The results of your efforts will show in the strength and success of your love relationship.

Many Blessings, Whitneay T. Vanwells Ph.D., C.A.S. and recompposed by Yunike Andreas

"I LOVE YOU" in 100 languages

English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumem
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee)
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Catalan - T'estimo
Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Chinese
Cantonese - Ngo oiy ney a
Mandarin - Wo ai ni
Comanche - U kamakutu nu
(pronounced oo----ka-ma-koo-too-----nu) -- Thx Tony
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Cree - Kisakihitin
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien)
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Frisian - Ik hald fan dy
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe
Hebrew
To female - "ani ohev otach" (said by male) "ohevet Otach" (said by female)
To male - "ani ohev otcha" (said by male) "Ohevet ot'cha" (said by female)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru or Anata ga daisuki desu
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo or Nanun tangshinul sarang hamnida
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Luxembourgeois - Ech hun dech gaer
Macedonian - Te Sakam
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Maltese - Inhobbok
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Ndebele - Niyakutanda
Norwegian
Bokmaal - Jeg elsker deg
Nyonrsk - Eg elskar deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te iubesc
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing 'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Surinam - Mi lobi joe
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai
To female - Phom rak khun
To male - Chan rak khun
Informal - Rak te
Tunisian - Ha eh bak
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese
To female - Anh ye^u em
To male - Em ye^u anh
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe
Zazi - Ezhele hezdege
Zuni - Tom ho' ichema

Attract person you like

Want to quintuple your odds of winning in the dating game?
We surveyed a variety of top experts and learned five unbelievably effective secrets to make the opposite sex come running.
Here's how you can use them to work for you:

1. BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION

Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the center of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and nationally-known expert in the field of spacial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...) If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenters tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies.

2. THE COLOR LURE What color can you wear to compel the opposite sex to approach you? According to Color Consultant Leatrice Eiseman, Director of the Pantone Color Institute and author of Colors For Your Every Mood, women are attracted to men wearing the color blue. And why wouldn't we be? According to Eiseman, guys who frequently wear blue are "stable, faithful, constant and always there." The blue guy is a fantastic candidate for a long-term relationship -- someone who's dependable, momogomous and can match his own clothes. And what about the ladies? Eiseman says women should wear a pink- peach to make themselves most approachable. The color is "very flattering to most skin tones, it gives you healthy glow," and according to Eiseman, projects "a little vulnerability which brings out something protective in men." Want to wear a color that weeds out guys who can't handle strong women? Try a deep red, burgundy or plum. Men who aren't attracted to strong women will steer clear. Of all the colors, red is the most sensual. But, wear red with caution. "Red is the color of sex and power," says Eiseman. Red adds an element of excitement and attracts two types of men - men interested in sex, and men attracted to powerful women. Sure, you'll probably have to fend off a lot of freaks, but you could also end up attracting a guy that isn't threatened by the fact that you make a bigger salary. Concerned your wardrobe is driving people away? Stay away from what Eiseman calls "squished caterpillar yellow-green" which is said to repel both sexes equally.

3. BODY TALK THAT REELS 'EM IN How do you use body language to attract the opposite sex? If you're a woman, the key is to make yourself approachable. According to nationally-respected body language expert and professional speaker, Patti Wood, you want to make yourself a "safe" (read approachable) target. How do you accomplish that? Don't take up a lot of space (which is a sign of power and superiority.) Wood says, "we are strong women, but remember, we're trying to get a man to come over and talk to us." She explains, "you have to show you have room for someone else in your life." In addition, Wood says "to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. " Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt - signal you're listening to what the other person has to say. For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive. Body language tips for both sexes: Don't fold your arms and don't chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. According to Wood, the chewing indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions.

4. THE POWER OF A SMILE
Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Not a great big plastic game-show smile, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here" face will do the trick. According to Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness."

5. TEMPTING WITH SCENT Studies show that men associate the scents of cinnamon and vanilla with love. To make the scents work for you, try baking some ready-made cinnamon rolls about an hour before your date arrives, or, wear a cinnamon-vanilla scented perfume (there's a fabulous vanilla perfume called "Dulce Vanilla icon" ). Aromatherapy experts have long-believed cinnamon to be an aphrodisiac. According to Laura Davimes, aromatherapy and herb expert , and owner of Herban Avenues, "certain aromatic plants exude oils similar to our own sexual secretions or pheromones. Wearing cinnamon/vanilla blends increases the presence of pheromone-like substances and dramatically increases attraction." The scent of a woman? Women, according to a recent study, are attracted to a black licorice scent. So, be sure to pick up licorice or Good 'n Plenty at the theater snack bar. And, if you're at a club and happen to spill a little Jaggermeister on your shirt, don't worry about the stain, just consider it your lucky night.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - Lisa Daily is the author of "Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One " in 3 years or less" at bookstores everywhere. "This chick really knows what she's talking about!" --Howard Stern Get a FREE dating tips newsletter and fabulous man-snagging techniques at www.stopgettingdumped.com (C)Copyright 2002, by Lisa Daily. All rights reserved.

Signs that he likes you

GIRLS only!!!
How to tell if he likes you (and if he's flirting with you in his special own guy-way). A lot depends on the type of guy and his individual personality.

Shy Guys

These are tough to crack sometimes...

• He'll look at you, until you turn around, then boom, he's looking the other way.
• You may 'feel' like he's watching you - but he's hard to catch at it
• He may do something physical - like grab you in a play way, poke you, play with your hair...(Remember when you were really young and the guy you liked punched you or tackled you?)
• He may be working really hard to pay attention to you, but doesn't quite know how...He may ask a friend of yours about you - he'll say it's just for "friend of mine" that wants to know about you.
• He talks to everybody else - but when you're around he turns silent, or chokes up.
• You seem to accidentally bump into him a lot of different places.
• He may not say a word to you, but he shows up in the same line, at the same movie, etc.
• He'll give you a little smile from across the room, but if you get near, he won't look up.
• Basically - the BIG clue is that his behavior changes when you're around (compared to when he's around his buds or other girls).
• DEAD Giveaway - when you talk to him he turns red. (Bingo - you can pack that puppy up and take him home...)

Signs that she likes you

Do you know HOW to flirt? Do you know if you ARE flirting (could you be accidentally flirting)? The following actions are considered to be REAL flirting indicators - check them out and see if you're sending (and receiving) the right message: How to tell she likes you:

• She gazes in your eyes with deep interest and her pupils are dilated.
• Her skin tone becomes red while being around you.
• Her crossed leg is pointed towards you or if that same leg is rocking back and forth towards you.
• She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours.
• She rubs her chin or touches her cheek. This indicates that she's thinking about you and her relating in some way...
• She winks at you while talking to you or winks at you from a distance.
• She exposes the palms of her hand facing you.
• Biting of the lips or showing of the tongue, licking her lips or touching of her front teeth....
• She starts sitting straight up and her muscles appear to be firm.
• She puts her fingernail between her teeth.
• She laughs in unison with you.
• She touches your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand while talking to you.
• Plays with her jewelry, especially with stroking and pulling motions.
• She twirls her hair around her fingers while she is looking at you.
  
• Eyebrows raised and then lowered, then a smile usually indicates interest in you.
• While talking to you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other hand, palm up.
• In a crowd she speaks only to you and focuses all of her undivided attention on you.
• While talking to you, she blinks more than usual, fluttering her eyelashes.
• Big smiles with upper and lower teeth showing with a relaxed face.
• She speeds up or slows down her speaking to match yours.
• She rubs her wrists up and down.

Do you find those signals with her? Congratulation, she likes you.. =)

Ask to Date

I'm waiting... It seems simple enough, but it can be the most difficult part of a date. So what do you do? Biggest clue: THINK AHEAD You don't want to be standing there going, "Um, ah." when the object of your affection says "Yes." You can't just looked stunned and be too shocked to utter the next sentence. You can't wait for that very moment to try to think of what on earth you can do on a date. You need a more impressive beginning.

Why'd I say that! If you're at the start of a relationship or asking for a first date, take the pressure off by not using the "D" word. Don't ask for a "Date" and don't call it a "Date." If you're uncomfortable saying, "Would you like to go out with me."

Then don't say it. Make it casual. But (just a reminder)THINK AHEAD. Make it specific.
First - two deadly questions NOT to ask:
Do not ask, "You want to go out?" it's too open-ended and can lead to awkward follow up conversation.
Do not ask, "What are you doing Friday night?"
It's too vague. It may leave your potential date wondering exactly what you have in mind. The other person doesn't know if you're just curious about what she/he is doing on Friday night or if you want to do something with them... Try something along the lines of: "You like to rollerblade? I was thinking of going out to the lake on Saturday. It's great out there. Would you like to go with me?" Or if you're really uncertain or uncomfortable about getting together - go with a group. Ask the question: "Hey, there're a bunch of us going bowling on Saturday. Would you like to go?" The operative word here is "us." It immediately takes the pressure off. Planning activities to do on your date and getting together in a group are good ways to go - especially if you think you or your date might get "tongue-tied." If you're busy or there are a bunch of other people in the conversation, you won't hit awkward silences and won't have to talk all the time if you don't know your date very well.

In summary, just remember when you are asking someone out:
1) Plan ahead Know what you are going to say AND what you want to suggest to do on the date.

2) Be specific The other person will be much more comfortable if they know exactly what your intentions are and what you want to do.

AND try to relax and enjoy yourself - worst case - they'll say they can't go out and you'll find someone else who will. Someone who appreciates you. In other words, if the person you are asking out doesn't have enough insight to recognize what a terrific person you are, then they're just not too bright now, are they?

Body Language

If either of these girls (on the left or right) walks up to you, looks into your eyes for 10 seconds, then asks, "Could you tell me the time?" You REALLY think she wants to know what time it is? If you're a straight guy - and you give her the time of day and walk away, you REALLY need to learn more about BODY LANGUAGE. =) Okay, now women. This guy walks up to you slowly, keeps his eyes on you, then says, "Excuse me. Do you know where I can mail a letter around here?" You think he's desperate to find a post office? Think about it. He's smiling openly and approaching slowly with his head tilted. Hallooo! Offer to show him the way - walk with him -especially if it's a few blocks away! Think. Always be ready and aware! You never know when the perfect opportunity might be standing there in front of you. That's WHY understanding body language can REALLY pump up your love life! Body language is the quiet, secret and most powerful language of all! According to experts, our non-verbal language communicates about 50% of what we really mean (voice tonality contributes 38%) while words themselves contribute a mere 7%. Our bodies send out messages constantly and often we don't recognize that we're communicating a lot more than we realize. Our understanding and use of non-verbal cues in facial expression are familiar to us nearly from birth By familiarizing ourselves with a few basic nonverbal signals, we can improve our ability to understand what people are really communicating and become aware of what we are broadcasting to the world with our own non-verbal cues. A person's body posture, movements and positions more often tell us exactly what they mean (which may be the exact opposite of what they are saying). Many people are unaware of how loudly they communicate with their bodies. This guy might as well stand up, wave his arms and scream, "I'm a lousy cheat! Please - flunk me, now!" Our use and reading of body language is largely unconscious. We understand what a person indicates with their gestures and body positions and we send out our own messages - but we rarely stop to think about how we do it. Often when a person is considered to have great intuition about other people, their understanding is actually due to careful observation of individuals, and conscious or unconscious understanding of non-verbal communication. These people can see and interpret verbal and non-verbal language due to training or years of observation and analysis of people. We need to recognize and give credibility to our own "intuition" and "feelings" about a person or situation. One of the most basic instances involves our personal "space." We notice that when a stranger or someone gets too close, we feel uncomfortable. Unconsciously we know the distancing from others that is appropriate for our own culture. Every day we judge our own distance and respect the space of others by avoiding getting too close and follow our "feeling" to adjust to the correct distances from friends as opposed to acquaintances or strangers.

On your First Date

Be creative. Take a little time to think it through. A three-hour date with a movie that lasts two and a half-hours is not a good way to get acquainted. Then again, you don't want to be stuck staring at each other without a topic of conversation. A daytime meeting takes the heat off. Lunch or coffee is a good start (If you want to checkout a local spot to meet for lunch, you can go to Dine.com, enter your zip code and get ratings for restaurants in your area.) Even better - a trip to the zoo. Plenty of topics for discussion without having to deal with issues like: "What happened to your last relationship?" And you can avoid the usual casual chit-chat like: "My wife is still missing." "I met my first boyfriend on the prison bus." Yada. Yada. Yada. Clothing
Clothing is not optional. Wear clothes that make you feel good. New clothes always help - but if not new, be sure they're clean, pressed, and fit well - or if that's not your style - be sure they fit whatever way makes you feel the most comfortable and still look presentable.

Help the Other Person Feel Comfortable
Find something nice about your date and compliment her or him. But mean it. Don't just say, "Nice shoes, Gladys." "Swell belt, Ralph." Let's review. Find something nice. If it's painfully difficult to come up with something that you sincerely like about the person, you shouldn't be out with them in the first place.

Manners and/or Kindness
Thank the other person for the date - always, without exception. Good manners are still in style. Well, not necessarily good manners - but common sense. Human kindness. That sort of thing is always in style.

Focus on the Other Person - pay attention to your date. No wandering eyes. No preoccupation with old relationships, work, bank robberies. Be THERE.

Listen actively to what your date says. Don't interrupt. While your date is talking, don't spend time thinking about what you're going to say when it's your turn.

Attitudes and Habits - stay positive. Don't complain on a first date. Be cautious about alcohol - if you drink heavily, you're not going to be at your best. If your date gets swacked on your first date, it's not necessarily due to nervousness. He or she is likely to be a heavy-drinker, at best, and could end up drooling on your new, pressed clothes as you shovel him or her into a cab.

Date ideas for the week:
Take a class together. Wine-tasting? Photography? Or cut to the chase with a massage class.

Remember ye not the old things

I can practically guarantee that, if you are continually frustrated in your efforts to grow either by meeting someone new after a failed relationship, or finding a new career path, or even new friends, that there are vestiges of holding on to earlier events which are stopping your progress.

I become more and more convinced that in order to move ahead in your life you really have to leave behind what is behind.
The biblical metaphor for this phenomenon is Lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt as she looked behind her to see Sodom burnt to the ground.

Unless we let what has passed truly be over, its ghost continues to haunt us, and actually hampers the arrival of the wished-for event.
This process can actually go on for years.
So if there is anything right now that you truly want and it is just not happening, ask yourself what you have not let go of that might possibly be in the way.
Here are several steps to help you achieve the "Let Go and Grow" process in your own life.

Ask yourself what you truly want and focus on it completely, with absolutely no reservations.
Example: " I want to fall in love with the man of my dreams." Period. No qualifications, ifs, ands, or buts.

Believe fully that nothing and nobody can stop you from having the good that is rightfully yours.

Completely and totally forgive yourself for all past mistakes, errors, mishaps, wrong doings, etc.
This means that you acknowledge what you did (or what was done to you) and psychologically move on. Really believe that whatever has happened is over!!! Just start the new step with all of new in you..

Whenever past-oriented thinking (like regret or nostalgia) intrudes, banish it.
Replace it with visualizing exactly what you want in the present.It is a must to step forward.

Know that whatever it is you want, you deserve and can have, as soon as you stop believing that the past can control your life.
It can't, unless you let yourself stay there. Your present time because what you did in your past, your decisions, your choose in the past. Your future is what you choose right now. Your future time because what you do right now. So choose the best for your future right now. You must consider, do not let your past make your future.

Lastly, believe that the letting go process can and will allow whatever you desire to manifest.
Nothing is in its way but the past.

---------------written by Dr.Ruth ..recomposite by Yunike Andreas

Falling in love and ego

Of all the misconceptions about love the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that 'falling in love' is love or at least one of the manifestations of love.
It is a potent misconception because falling in love is subjectively experienced in a very powerful fashion as an experience of love. When a person falls in love what he or she certainly feels is "I love him" or "I love her."
But two problems are immediately apparent.

The first is that the experience of falling in love is specifically a sex-lined erotic experience. We do not fall in love with our children though we may love them very deeply. We do not fall in love with our friends of the same sex - unless we are homosexual oriented - even though we may care for them greatly. We fall in love only when we are consciously or unconsciously sexually motivated.Do you agree or not?

The second problem is that the experience of falling in love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say that we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fell in love. But it is to say that the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling in love always passes.

"To understand the nature of the phenomenon of falling in love and the inevitability of its ending, it is nescessary to examine the nature of what psychiatrists call ego boundaries." At infantry, we can't seem to separate the universe from ourselves, there was no identity as to what we are and what we are not, what are mine and what is not. We came to accept our size, physical limits, and power. The knowledge to this limit is call "ego boundary". As we grow up to young adult, we find that we are separate individuals, isolated from others, confined by physical limits and power, relatively small and weak function of the society. Our ego boundaries are harden, our world became colder, more confusing and hostile. It is very lonely and sometime painful to be confine within one's boundary. We seek to escape the wall of individual identities so that we feel more unified with the world out side of ourselves.

" The experience of falling in love allows us this escape- temporarily. The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundary is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and our beloved are one! Loneliness no more!"
This experience of merging with someone reflects the feeling we had when we were with our mom at infantry. Being united with the 'loved' one made us feel like the world once again revolves around us.
The power that we had to give up when we were kids is back to us again, we are now powerful, the future is bright, and nothing is impossible anymore. Superhero days are back to us once again.

"The unreality of these feelings when we have fallen in love is essentially the same as the unreality of the 2 year old who feels itself to be the king of the family and the world with power unlimited."

Reality bites. Sooner or later, in response to the problems of daily living, individual will reasserts itself. He wants to have sex; she doesn't. She wants to go to the movies; he doesn't.. etc. Each person realized that they are no longer "one" with the partner and that the other has their own wishes and desires. Eventually the ego boundary get set back in their own place, gradually or suddenly, we fall out of love. We are back to separate individual. From here, they either break up the relationship or begin the "real" work of "loving".

"Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits or boundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them. The extension of one's limit requires effort; falling in love is effortless. Lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones. Once the precious moment of falling in love has passed and the boundaries have snapped back into place, the individual may be disillusioned, but is usually none the larger for the experience. When limits are extended or stretched, however, they tend to stay stretched. Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not."

Falling in love has little to do with purposively nurturing one's spiritual development. If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps insure this result through marriage. Certainly we are not thinking of spiritual development. Indeed, after we have fallen in love and before we have fallen out of love again we feel that we have arrived, that the heights have been attained, that there is both no need and no possibility of going higher. We do not feel ourselves to be in any need of development; we are totally content to be where we are. Our spirit is at peace. Nor do we perceive our beloved as being in need of spiritual development. To the contrary, we perceive him or her as perfect, as having been perfected. If we see any faults in our beloved, we perceive them as insignificant -little quirks or darling eccentricities that only add color and charm.

So what is real love if falling in love is merely a temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries?

" The experience of real love also has to do with ego boundaries, since it involves an extension of one's limit. One's limits are one's ego boundaries. When we extend our limits through love, we do so by reaching out, so to speak, toward the beloved, whose growth we wish to nurture."

"The act of many years of loving, of extending our limits is a progressive act of enlargement of self, incorporating the world around us, a stretching and a thinning of our ego boundaries. In this way the more and longer we extend ourselves, the more we love, the more blurred becomes the distinction between the self and the world. We become identified with the world. And as our ego boundaries thinned, we begin more and more toe the same sort of feeling of ecstasy that we have when our ego boundaries partially collapse and we 'fall in love.' Only, instead of having merged temporarily and unrealistically with a single beloved object we have merged realistically and more permanently with much of the world. This mystical union with the world, although is more gentle and less dramatic than falling in love, it is much more stable and lasting."

So what is love?

Love is perhaps too large/deep to be understand/describe by words, but in this context love is: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spritual growth."
The process of extending one self is an evolution process, where you grow as a human being. When a person is willing and sucessfully extending one's limit, even for other people's spritual growth, they themselves have grown to be a larger state of being. The process is never ending and very satisfying.

As we've heard, one can't love others unless one learns to love oneself first. We can't be a source of strength unless we established our own strength. So self-love and love for other has to exist together, not as a separate function.

This act of extending, which means going beyond one's limit, suggest that it requires effort.

"When we love someone our love becomes demonstrable or real only through our exertion - through the fact that som for that someone ( or for ourself) we take an extra step of walk an extramile. Love is not effortless. To the contrary, love is effortful."

Above quotes and extraction are from M. Scott Peck, M.D. from his book, "The road less travelled, A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spritual Growth". There's much more to this topic than I can put in this article, but I do realized how short the netter's attentionspan is, so.. go grab the book, it's a valuable mind asset to aquire.

I hope you find "real love", an eventual total collapse of one's ego boundaries. It isn't easy, to break down our ego boundaries. We must find ourselves and our identity before we can transcend it. You might find temporial escape from ego boundaries when you "fall in love", sexual intercourse, or use a cirtain psychoactive drugs, but that's just a small glimse of nirvana, not nirvana itself.

It takes commitment and effort in exercising real love to reach a lasting enlightenment. Only then, you'll not only find that you are no longer a separation of any other entity and that you are oneness with the universe, but the perception of discrete object, separated from one another is an illusion. Its like being back to infantry again. The world would be as much more peaceful and 'loving'.

written by M. Scott Peck, extracted and recomposed by Yunike Andreas.

When it comes to jealousy..

When it comes to jealousy, the problem and the cure can be simpler than the green-eyed monster would have you believe!

The problem:

There is a popular idea that when a person is jealous of attention his or her partner is receiving from or giving to others, he or she really wants to get rid of the partner. It is as if when you are jealous, you have a subconscious desire to break up with your partner; therefore, your jealousy will chase him or her out of your life.

We disagree. Just think about the last time you felt jealous of attention your partner was receiving from others, especially if your partner is still in your life. Did you want to get rid of him or her? Or did you, rather, feel threatened that the other person(s) would steal him or her away.


Now, there are people who are chronically jealous and use their jealousy to abuse those they claim to love. However, we are not talking about that kind of jealousy.

We are talking about the kind where he has a friend with whom he has enough camaraderie that it gets your attention and gets on your nerves. Or she has someone at work who regards her highly and she appreciates that regard just enough to make you feel uncertain, like you had better pay attention to this friendship.

This kind of jealousy, when confronted, results in conversations that break down because your partner doesn’t get what’s wrong! He or she is so convinced of the legitimacy and integrity of these friendships that your jealousy is perceived as something that just should not exist at best, annoying or insulting at worst. His or her lack of understanding, perhaps lack of compassion, makes your feelings worse instead of better.

The unwise will put his or her partner in the position of making a choice between the friend and the partner. The wise will resist putting his or her partner in that position and will continue to struggle with the issue. If told that your jealousy is a signal you desire to be free of your partner, you will likely give back an angry response! You do not want to get rid of your partner. What you desire, more than anything, is to feel secure inside your romantic relationship.

Jealousy comes down to a lack of self-worth. The resulting behavior may indeed get rid of the partner, but that is a symptom and not the problem. The problem is a lack of foundational value within the jealous person. You simply do not feel valuable enough to be secure in the knowledge of your partner’s love.

This could extend to friends, parents, and children. Persons who are jealous are rarely only jealous of a single person in their lives. Jealousy is an issue that rears its monster green head over and over again. The problem isn’t with the other people, it’s with you not loving yourself enough.

If you are trying to get rid of your partner, you are likely trying to control when and how he leaves in an effort to both prove your sense of worthlessness as well as pretend to hold on to the dignity of at least being the one in control of the leaving. That isn’t the same as wishing to be rid of your partner and choosing a neurotic way to get rid of him or her.

The cure:

In the jealous person’s worldview, an ideal reality may be that all you have to say to her is, “Please stop seeing him,” and she does; or all you have to say to him is, “Please reassure me every time I need to be reassured,” and he does. In life, though, we need our friends and extended family as much as we need our intimate partners and immediate family. In addition, we need those people to be from a variety of age groups with both sexes represented. Life is simply fuller and healthier when we have large support systems with lots of perspectives available. Life is also fuller and healthier when our intimate partners are not only confident of our love but also experience that confidence from within.

When you are suffering from jealousy, you need to know that you belong to your partner and your partner belongs to you. How do you fill yourself with confidence that your intimate partner is still crazy in love with you and desires only you? There are a number of ways to accomplish this.

If your partner can tolerate hearing you process about the relationship that makes you jealous, do your best to keep it at a minimum. Use I-statements when you talk about it. Make the conversation be about your feelings, your experience. Refrain from making him or her wrong, but ask for support. For example, if she is willing to interrupt meals by accepting phone calls from her friend, ask her to stop. Request that she let her friend know she won’t be taking phone calls during meals but will call him back when she gets the chance. Expect her friend to respect your relationship.

You are working to heal your jealousy, let your partner know you expect your process to be respected and your feelings to be cherished. You are not asking her to let go of the friendship. She needs to respect the ways the friendship impinges on your life by setting good boundaries with her friends and family.

When making love, be present. Pay attention. Be real with the fact that he only shares this with you! There may be a world of people out there who admire him and want him to be their friend, but this he does only with you. Whenever there are moments that declare you are his alone and he is yours alone, really be present with those moments!

Never process your jealousy when the two of you are being intimate. That can come across as punitive and can ruin the moment for days to come.

Let him know you desire reassurance. If he thinks that lovemaking alone should reassure you and it doesn’t, be honest. Friendships are luxuries that carry a lot of responsibility. One bit of responsibility is that we not use a friendship to hurt another, whether purposefully or by accident. This is especially true when the one being hurt is our intimate partner.

Speaking of the responsibility of friendship, if you need the freedom to process your jealousy outside of the relationship, choose wisely. Choose a friend who loves your mate, someone who will refrain from judging him or her and truly assist you in processing your experience and your feelings. If such a person doesn’t exist in your life, a trained professional will do. However, if that professional chooses sides, even your side, that person is no longer a wise choice.

You are not asking someone to help you drive a wedge between you and your partner. You are asking for assistance to heal the jealousy that resides in you, acknowledging that it is your responsibility. Such assistance will not come from someone who needs to choose sides.

Spend as much time as you can loving yourself! We create that which we put our attention on.

The more you love yourself the more the people in your life show up to love you. More importantly, the more you love yourself, the greater your confidence grows.

If you are struggling with jealousy, you need to know beyond any doubt that you are worthy of your partner’s unconditional love and positive regard. Your partner cannot give that to you. Life may not have given it to you yet. Your parents may not have had it to give. Nevertheless, you can give that worth to yourself! Love you! Love yourself as though you are crazy in love with you until it is true and then love yourself some more.

More than physical attractiveness, more than an attractive personality, confidence is sexy!

Confidence will turn his head again. Confidence will make her sit up and take notice. Confidence will make you more attractive to yourself as well as to your partner. It will fan the flames of healing self-love and it will fan the flames of your romantic love.

Friendships outside of primary relationship come and go. A time will come when your partner’s friend is less present in both your lives. When that starts to happen, go ahead and celebrate that fact between you and you! Let it remind you that yours is the primary relationship. Let it remind you that you belong to your partner and your partner belongs to you.

As your jealousy heals and the anger fades, celebrate the love between you and your partner. One of the problems jealousy brings with it is an ever-present sense of anger that can require so much time and attention that you may wonder how you will get along without it! You will get along without it.

As opportunities for laughter and affection increase, as processing gives way to conversations about hopes and dreams for the future, as you continue to share experiences that bond you, your confidence in your own worth will continue to grow within yourself and within the relationship. You will find there is room for both of you to have as many friends and family members in your life as you desire. Moreover, life can be full, rich, and rewarding, as you indeed grow old together.


About The Author
Copyright, all rights reserved, 2008; Joseph and Sarah Elizabeth Malinak are the authors of "Getting Back to Love," the definitive book on the mama’s boy/daddy’s girl relationship that is so prevalent today. It is available at amazon and at http://www.GettingBacktoLove.com. Find the Malinaks at http://www.IdealRelationships.com where you can sign up for their FREE newsletter, The Art of Creating an Ideal Relationship! Joseph can also be found at http://www.josephmalinak.com.