Get the Right Man -1

What do you want out of your personal life? Do you just want one short-term relationship after another? Are you waiting for the right guy to come along?

Well even if he does you probably won't even know it. Outlined below are the exact steps you need to make yourself into a vibrant, interesting, fun person; attract the man of your dreams; and help him commit to you. Please be patient and receptive.

Even if some ideas are "old news" to you, you will certainly learn a thing or two by the time you finish reading! The first few steps for finding a man are the most difficult ones. These are the steps that, when not attended to, will appear over and over again throughout the marriage, leading to arguments, suffering, or perhaps divorce. It's the one many women feel the most resistance to.

The reason for this? It requires not only time and energy, but a little bit of risk - by pursuing your desires or even just allowing yourself to dream, you expose yourself to the possibility of not getting them. Of trying and failing. And often, it's easier to say you don't want something because if you don't try, you never run the risk of being a failure.

The true failures in life, however, are people who end up resenting their lives or those around them because they never got the guts to go for their dreams. People don't regret failure. At the end of life, people regret the things they always wanted but never tried to do. Part of the resistance you feel will simply be because many women feel selfish pursuing their own passions.
However this self-sacrificing practice has been shown in research to be a high predictor for divorce. Sure, you will want to resist - but perhaps you should admit that you truly deserve to allow yourself to give this a shot, because in truth, you want a man who has done the same thing.
And, to tell you the truth, most men you would be attracted to do all of this without being asked, without feeling guilty for it - because it is not something to feel guilty about. The first thing to keep in mind as we begin to go over the concepts below is how men operate. (There are, of course, both feminine and masculine people of both genders.
For ease of use, we say "men and women" hereafter, but this can easily be applied to a "male or female" version of either sex, as typically, regardless of the sex, masculine energy is typically attracted to feminine. Here, we're referring to the masculine energy when we say "men".) On the average, men love action. They love doing. When something interests them, they'll do it. That makes them interesting and revitalizes them when they're drained - so they don't feel guilty about it. They have full lives, fun friends, great gadgets - all these things make men interesting to women. (Even when women hate their man's friends, these friends are typically a source of carefree fun for men.)

The second thing to keep in mind is the purpose of a relationship. Relationships - whether friendship or romantic - are first and foremost about someone who you enjoy being around. It's really that simple. When relationships deteriorate, it's because the people no longer enjoy each other. It is not enjoyable to be around anyone who is not respectful or who you can't trust. Even people who you may feel chemistry with are not always people who can make you happy. So to start the process -

Begin by just clearing the room of distractions and sitting down to imagine this scenario. Really sit back. Take a deep breath. Relax. Allow yourself to stop the resistance within you and just breathe. After taking just enough time to do this step, you can go back to your life and doubts. Now - imagine the following without fear or doubt.

Imagine - just for a moment - you had all the money in the world, no responsibilities at all, and anything you could want. The only work you have to do in this dream is work you choose to do because you enjoy it. Now - imagine what you would do each day, every day. You can have any position you want (from secretary to construction to lawyer to charity work), any hobbies you want (from woodcutter to runner). You can travel (France, Italy, China, Japan).

You can play any music instrument you like (guitar, piano, mandolin, drums), participate in any sport (soccer, kayaking, running, strength training), read anything (from science to literature), write anything (novels, poetry, music), do anything you want out in nature (hiking, studying herbs, birdwatching), have any type of spiritual experiences or just meditation, even just something as simple as gardening if you want. Make a list of all of the things you would do with your free time if you had the chance.

Next, make a list of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences you want. Traveling somewhere, skydiving, white water rafting, anything at all. The things you want to do before you die. Write down anything else you have passion for, you find fascinating, you really wish you were involved in.

Look at the lists in front of you. Right now, you're probably thinking, "Yeah, but I could never do that, because... (time, money, I'm scared, my mother, etc)." And that's the exact thought process that people have who never really find themselves satisfied. Instead, look at those things, go back over them, and circle 10 that bring an emotional response within you, that really strongly appeal to you regardless of how unattainable they are. Now, instead of saying, "I can't because..." say, "I will, and here's the plan!"

That exact attitude - known as the "winner's attitude" has been shown, again and again, to produce results. Now perhaps select one or two that are really impossible - becoming President (change it to getting involved in politics or studying politics, whatever fulfills your desire), for example, or stopping time.

Accept the possibility that you might not get them. But for all the others, NEVER accept the possibility that you will not try - because that is simply you giving up on yourself. 8. Those ten items you have written down - those are the keys. Those speak to you. Those things - as you begin to learn to do them, save money for them, study for them, work for them, whatever your plan may be, no matter how long you have to wait for them - those 10 things (AND the pursuit of them!) are what your passions are, what will make you interesting, vibrant, and full of youth - the very qualities you need to find a man.

The uncompromising pursuit of the things that inspire you will show a man that you have interests beyond just him - that, in itself, will make you interesting. Pursuing those passions is what we call "having a life" - an essential when you want a man to respect you. Now, yes, you may not get all 10. And you certainly should not take financial risks you cannot afford to lose for them (although making some sacrifices in daily expenditure can help).

But you will certainly find it very possible to commit to doing one or two as hobbies each week, even if the process of trying to learn them is embarrassing, even if your family won't support you, even if a guy asks you to schedule a date during that time. And especially, you will have one or two which you will work during your life to achieve, making a commitment to go skydiving or visit Italy no matter how many years it will take. You can do what you are "supposed to do" at work, if you want. But those 10 things - of those, hold on strongly to pursuing 5 of them for your whole life, or until you find you are no longer passionate about them. Because by making your dreams and passions a priority, you show a man that you believe your dreams matter. And because of that, he will respect you and believe your dreams matter, perhaps trying to help you achieve them.

If you're still wrestling with the feeling that you cannot do these things, there are experts in every possible field out there that have found a way to combat that excuse. Just go out and find a book to get you started. Here are some resources to help you. If you think you don't have enough time (everyone's favorite excuse!) check out flylady.net. If you think you do not have enough money, check out the books, "The Automatic Millionaire," "Miserly Moms," or "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". If you feel you are two shy, realize that it is not something you have to live with forever - that many people have overcome - and make a pledge to get rid of it. Start by just getting into the habit breathing, of being relaxed, then waiting no longer than 3 seconds to just say "hello" to people.

Next, make a point of going to public places each week and saying "hello" to 10 strangers a week. Gradually increase that to 20. Move on, when you're comfortable, to having simple conversations about things that do not involve either of you personally - usually a comment on the environment you're in. You'll learn overtime to deal with just about any personality type and learn not to care too much about what people think of you. Whatever else you find holding you back, face your fears, again and again, until you no longer fear them.

At this point, you might be saying - "Hey, I'm here to find a man!" Yup, you're right. But all of these steps are essential for combating one of the largest issues on the female side of relationships - the feeling of a void in your life that we incorrectly think is because of the lack of a man.

Well, guess what? Men can see that, too. And that internal void scares men away like nothing else. Men pursue their dreams. Because of that, many men go through life fulfilled, not needing women, simply enjoying sex, until one day around age 25 or 30 they feel ready to settle down and find a wife. On the other hand, very often women just pursue men instead of their dreams. That leaves a big gap. That puts all the responsibility for satisfaction in your life on a man. And that leads to the desperate, dramatic, and clingy behaviors that men run away from and that women hate when they see it in themselves.
continue to Get the Right Man-2