# Next, think about what you wish a man in your life were doing for you -
how he was appreciating you.
What do you wish a man would do? Buy you flowers?
Bring you chocolate? Perhaps cuddle up with a good movie? Enjoy chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne by candlelight?
Take you out to a nice restaurant every month or so?
Buy you a day at the spa? Make a nice list of how you wish you were treated and appreciated. A complete list!
# Now - without saying you don't deserve it, without saying you shouldn't spoil yourself, start appreciating yourself.
Obviously stay within your budget, but save on some weekends to splurge a little on others. Take your friends out to dinner. Buy yourself some chocolate and flowers. Light some candles and have a nice glass of wine, even if you're watching a movie at home, by yourself.
Invite a friend over for fondue.
Learn to truly love yourself. Continue the tradition of really fulfilling yourself. When a man sees how you treat yourself, he will see that you realize you are a treasure worthy of being treated well.He will accept no less of himself. He will hold you up as a treasure. A man who sees that an ordinary night alone for you includes candles, chocolate, and wine will never try to get away with calling watching the game with him friends a "date". You may, if you find that fun, decide to do that once and a while; but he will also be sure that he treats you well. Make sure, however, that you aren't just doing this for a man.
You shouldn't burst into tears when a man appreciates you for the first time in your life. You should always be grateful and loving when he treats you well, but you should be kind to yourself even when no one will ever find out.
# Remember, self-sacrifice is a high predictor for divorce. Learning to take care of your own needs helps you to take the burden off of the man and give you more energy to invest in the relationship. The next step - now that you are prepared for a man - is learning how dating works, how men work, and where to find a man.
# The most important part of finding a man is the dating process. This is where many women, unfortunately, go wrong. When a man goes on a date, he's of course interested in sex. But if he is looking for a relationship or marriage, he is more interested in getting to know the woman and seeing if she is the type of woman he could spend his life with. This is a slow process. He watches for clingy women who make him feel uncomfortable, and focus on finding fulfilled, interesting women who like him as he is. He doesn't want a woman who will take any man and then seek to change him; he is looking for a woman who doesn't need a man, but likes him in particular. So men are almost more serious about the dating process than women, and slower to commit because they are very selective.
When a man feels like things are getting too serious too soon, before he's ready - such as sex before he feels he knows the woman well - he may run out the door out of fear of committing to someone he isn't sure about yet.
# Men often have a time in life when they feel ready to marry. Before that period, they often: are at an unstable financial period - in school or early in their career; date to "sow their oats" rather than dating seriously; and spend much more time engaged in risk-taking behaviors (although men will always thirst for some risk and "hunt," and will feel unhappy if deprived of it completely).
Once a man starts to get bored of drinking and casual dating, gets more serious in his career, and reaches other bench marks of adulthood - such as buying a house - he begins to think about marriage.
# In some rare cases, a woman may cause the transition process to happen earlier than it would have, but this process must come when the man is ready, not through begging, pleading, ultimatums, and other behaviors that men interpret as desperate or undesirable.
Men will do this because of a girl, not because they are convinced to. Women who cause this change are typically very mature (especially emotionally), holding a man to a higher standard that he admires; but still fun, youthful, and engaging; "lady-like" as that man defines a lady; but still enthusiastic and fun in relationship; interesting, exciting, spontaneous; but stable enough that he sense loyalty in her. Men are typically changed because they sense this woman is a one-of-a-kind opportunity they don't want to let go of, a confident, self-assured, fun and interesting woman who is not asking for validation or clingy, who he can't manipulate, but who is still loving and affectionate and appreciates him in a relationship.
--Continue to Get the Right Man- 4
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