Levels of commitment

The 5 Levels Of Commitment In A Relationship And, How You Can Improve Relationship Trust. guys, this article written By Whitneay T. Vanwells to a person who sent question mail to her, u may check this out. I hope it will help you.
Dear One, I did your research on your question on love, and realized that there were many that were out there in the same boat as you, seeking to find love, or to help the relationship that they were presently in. Here is what I found in my research:
You have free will to choose to stay or go in the relationship, as fate is not written in stone, and can be changed every day through your choices. Yet, you show some difficulties in communication with him, and with commitment, on both sides. Just so that you know, there are 5 basic levels of commitment in a relationship:

1. Dating and going out together (No sexual intimacy at this level).
2. Dating each other only, (dating exclusively and some intimacy, not sex).
3. Engagement; a commitment to making the relationship permanent. Intimacy is OK here. By now you are making plans for a future together, and it is safe and constructive to trust at a physical level. Women who give in tosex before and on this stage, often pay the price of loosing their partner, and their dignity.
4. Marriage, the fourth stage, is the goal of the relationship. Sexual Intimacy allowed here =)
5. Stage 5 is supporting the marriage and working on maintaining the bond.

It is very important to go through each of these levels, and to spend time in each, while recognizing the needs of your partner, and your own needs as well. Talk to him, without pushing him.
When you push him to do something, you actually make him go the other way, the opposite way.
Talk to him, and just say, here is what I know about commitment, where do you think we are now. Once you agree upon this one thing, then you have a map for the relationship. Having a map for the relationship, takes the pressure off of both parties, and it is a very important step in developing a long term relationship.


Women tend to push men into marriage. Sometimes, they also tend to be intimate sooner than what they are comfortable with. They do this, because they fear that the man will leave if they are not intimate. Then the woman, generally, will have doubts, and want commitment, because she is afraid that he will leave. And, because she is feeling very vulnerable, having become intimate without a good emotional foundation.

He might, at this point, be scared, and feel pushed. He might feel on the spot, and yes, leave. Just so you know, this scenario happens, and it happens daily.
My sister dated many men when she was young. She would date 1 for a month or so, and become intimate with them, figuring that the relationship was safe. They were soon gone. Then, for about 5 years, she didn't date at all, because she saw a pattern in what was happening in her relationships. Then, she met someone very nice. They dated for 1 year, and were not intimate outside of kissing. When he would drop her off at her apartment, she would kiss him good night, and tell him to go home and have a cold shower. He loved her, so he respected her boundaries. Their wedding was one of love and trust. They were both sure that they were marrying the right person.

Their relationship was strong because they took their time, and got to know each other. She had figured out, that intimacy is actually a way to destroy a relationship when there is not enough emotional foundation.

Listen to these words. They will save you years of heartache. The bottom line in a healthy relationship, is to go at the pace that is comfortable for you both. If you go at your partner's pace, you might soon find yourself feeling overwhelmed. The pace of the relationship, needs to be talked about, and contemplated. Then, you both know where the relationship is, and it takes the pressure off you. It takes time to create a solid relationship built on trust. Give yourselves this time.

For those who are already married the 5th. stage of supporting the marriage, and working on it, is primary for success. If you get married, and don't work to support each other, and put your partner first, you will soon find yourself disappointed in what you have.

Dating doesn't stop at the door of the wedding. The husband needs to continue to court his wife, for life. The wife needs to continue to appreciate her mate, and the things that he does for her. Both must put their partner first, not last, on their list of priorities.
But, these are just words. It is through the application of your effort, that the love is kept alive in a good marriage. To keep your love alive, the battlefield of love, must be won every day. The results of your efforts will show in the strength and success of your love relationship.

Many Blessings, Whitneay T. Vanwells Ph.D., C.A.S. and recompposed by Yunike Andreas