How to Love Love is a strange thing. It can be the most amazing feeling in the world, or it can really hurt, but in the end love is something most, if not all of us, will face. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (even yourself), here is a general guide to loving.
1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You," do they carry it with them the desire to show someone you love them or do they carry it with them is it what you want to feel? And when you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are; and realize how they could also love you back just as well.
3. Love unconditionally.
If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
4. Expect nothing in return.
That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for loving's sake. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
5. Realize it can be lost.
If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. * It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings. * There are many types of love, for example: a mother-son love is different from a best friend's love, which is different from a romantic love. Don't be ashamed to tell anyone that you love your friends as much as you love anyone else in your life. * You have to find someone that will suit you, someone you feel comfortable with - not just someone to make love to. * As a word, love can be found worldwide and is often used to describe compassion and/or emotional attachment. Accepting those you love for who they are is part of love. You also need to learn to accept yourself before you can accept another. If you cannot love your self, how are you to love another? * Love genuinely. Do not compare your feelings now to what your feelings were when you were with another mate. At times, we can experience rejection. * Realize that love is a feeling and attempt to assist, but ultimately, you are the one who must take action in order to discover love. * Do things that make the other person feel good, but do not smoother them with gifts and attention. * Consider some tips about what people in love do. o People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavor to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it. o Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature. People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfillment in life.
Sometimes love is all we need o Love does not brag. People who are truly in love refrain from rehearsing their good traits just to show off. Bragging in a relationship often is really defensiveness. o People who are truly in love do not insist that their way is best and demand that their mates give in to them. o People who are truly in love are considerate of each others feelings and courteous in their actions toward one another. Sadly sarcasm is a way of life for some couples. They ridicule each other, belittle each other and trade jibes with a fury. They may say it is all in fun, but it leaves wounds that will someday become festering sores. o People who are truly in love look out for their mates' best interests as much as their own. Those in love should be concerned not only about their own individual interests, but about the interests of the other as well. o People who truly love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we counting on someone else to meet our needs. o People who truly love each other do not take pleasure in their mates' disappointments or failures. o People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time. o People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denies there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness. * Remember there is no failure in love, because once you tell somebody who you love, that you love him/her, then you have already succeeded in love. * You must love yourself before you can love another. * There is always the risk of getting hurt, but that's part of letting yourself fully love and trust some one. Being hurt could be long-lasting and could hurt more than anything in the world. * Realize what you have while you have it, and care for the person you trust. * If something comes to an end, try to let go rather than holding on; it's for the best. * The idea of love is fueled by childhood fantasies. The love shown in movies, as obtainable as it may be, is rare to say the least. * You just may find your soul-mate sooner than you want to. * If you feel any doubt of love your partner has for you, it is probably true. when you give and receive love 100%, you will have no doubt in your heart. * Don't ask for love - you should receive love because your partner wants to give you love - not because you want it from your partner. * Do not force love - it will come in good time, it will come.
Believe. God will give you in best time. Learn to love your self and learn to love other in right way. Soon, you'll find your soulmate.
Forgiveness and Letting Go in Your Marriage or Relationship
Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a critical tool for a marriage relationship.
Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep yourself healthy both emotionally and physically.
Health Aspects of Forgiving
If you hold on to old hurts, disappointments, petty annoyances, betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more - hate and extreme bitterness.
Lack of forgiveness can wear you down.
Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either our physical and mental well being.
How to Forgive
* Be open.
* Make a decision to forgive your spouse.
* When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts.
* Don't throw an error or mistake back in your spouse's face at a later date. Don't use it as ammunition in an argument.
* Don't seek revenge or retribution. It will only extend the pain.
* Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression.
* Remember that forgiveness doesn't mean you condone the hurtful behavior.
* Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don't try to hurry the process.
* If you continue to be unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt, please seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive. Don't forget to praying for your marriage from your first time.
How to Ask for Forgiveness
* Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you've caused.
* Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your spouse again by repeating the hurtful behavior.
* Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt.
* Be open to making amends.
* Be patient with your spouse. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don't dismiss your spouse's feelings of betrayal by telling your spouse to "get over it."
Marriage Relationships Need Forgiveness
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they do not mean now and then.
Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven. No relationship, especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness.
Even though you may find it find it difficult to forgive, being able to forgive is crucial in marriage.
Knowing When Enough is Enough (in relationship) If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to say enough is enough and to end your relationship. In these situations, forgiveness for the past hurts may take longer and that is okay.
Knowing When Enough is Enough (in marriage) If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to ask help from consultant or your spiritual leader.Don't forget to pray. By His grace, you will have more understanding about your self and your spouse, and how to make solution next time.
From Sheri & Bob Stritof, with additions in some parts.
1. Acknowledge that the relationship is really over. Come to terms with your own feelings and make a firm decision to end the relationship.
2. Don't delay the inevitable. Once you decide to break up with your partner, immediately think about how, when and where you will take action.
3. Make sure you're the one who personally delivers the news. Don't give a third party the opportunity to tell your partner that you want to break up before you have the chance to discuss the matter alone.
4. Select a private place to meet with your partner to end the relationship.
5. Find or schedule an appropriate time. Approach the topic when both of you are calm and rational. Don't announce your intention to break up during a heated argument or a moment of anger.
6. Show your resolve by being firm, decisive and honest. Help your partner understand why you want to end the relationship. Be tactful, not brutal.
7. Remind your partner that you'll never forget the positive qualities in your relationship, but emphasize that you're ready to move on with your life.
8. Give your partner the closure that he or she needs to accept the breakup; answer questions and talk it over instead of leaving loose ends.
9. Stay positive as you both make plans to go your separate ways.
Just want to help you How to Say I Love You
Although many people use this powerful phrase loosely, there are times when you want to say "I love you" in a meaningful way. Whether you're professing your love to a romantic partner or expressing it to a relative or friend, it can be difficult to convey how much they really mean to you. Love reflects the intensity of how you feel. But by keeping the following suggestions in mind, hopefully your love will not only be understood, but it will also be welcomed and returned.
STOP BEING A WIMP
1. Define love
The sincerity of the phrase is strengthened by knowing what love is, and what loving someone means to you. Determine the difference between love, infatuation and lust, and make sure it's genuine love that you feel for this person.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. For every christian, those words may seem so familiar. But, what are we're talking is, do you act like that?
2. Make it special.
For many people, dropping the "I" allows the sentiment to be expressed casually, such as before separating (e.g. "Time to go. Bye! Love you!"). Using the full phrase, however, can be reserved for more intimate moments, especially during a special event, such as when a child is just born, or even to reassure someone when bad news has been received or during moments of cherished silence, like after a kiss.
3. Make eye contact.
If you love this person, hopefully you feel comfortable enough to gaze into their eyes when you express your feelings. Making eye contact shows sincerity and communicates trust.
4. Say it at an appropriate tone.
If you're at home and there's not much background noise, keep your volume low; don't whisper unless you bring your lips to their ear, which can also be a very intimate way to express your love. If you want to tell them how you feel in public, it's up to you whether you want to pull the person aside, or say it in front of friends or even strangers. It depends on your loved one's personality, and your own personality. Some will find it terribly romantic to be told they're loved across a room full of people; others may find it mortifying.
5. Smile.
It can be nerve-wracking to tell someone that you love him or her, only to wait anxiously for their response--especially if it's the first time either of you have verbally expressed love. The best way to overcome this fear is to not expect the phrase in return. Your intention can be to tell the person how you feel, with the hope of making them happy and showing them that they are valued. Remember that unconditional love means not demanding anything in return. So smile, and perhaps give your loved one a hug. If they love you, too, they'll say it in their own way and in their own time.
6.Be creative.
Say it in different languages. Write it into a poem or even a haiku. If you want to be romantic, spell it out with rose petals on his or her bedroom floor. Write it in code, like 1337 or using a Vigènere cipher. Say it in little ways, like post-it notes in unexpected places, and express it in every way you can.
7. Love.
Don't just say it, do it. Love is not just a feeling; it's an action. Saying it without showing it is, in a way, a lie. Express your love in action as well as in words.
Children can show love for their parents by cleaning up their room without being asked. A person can send flowers to their partner in the middle of the week for no particular reason other than to show love. Acts of kindness for the one you love, without being asked, speak louder than words. Do things for your loved ones that they are not willing, likely or able to do for themselves.
Tips
* Holding someone's hand as you tell them you love them can also communicate sincerity and trust, but it can also convey a sense of subterfuge, which at a glance may suffice but will quickly be sniffed out by someone with a careful eye for lies; ergo, do not hold hands if you don't mean it.
* Love does not keep score. When you love someone, do not expect anything in return. There's a difference between love and bartering... "I will do this for you if you will do that for me." But always remember if you are asking something of your partner be willing to do it yourself. Don't always expect that he/she understands what you need, be open and willing to express yourself.
* Love is expressed differently by everyone. Be understanding and look for your partner's ways of expressing it to you; they may not be the same as you do or what you want them to do, but in turn you may not be doing the things the want and they should look for your way.
Warnings
* If love is unrequited, you need to be understanding and be caring towards the feelings of the object of your desire. At least they now know how you feel. It is not good to bottle up your feelings.
* Saying "I love you" in the heat of passion for the first time might not be a good idea, as the person may question the sincerity of your pledge. Follow them up with actions of kindness.
* The words "I love you" can lose their meaning in a relationship if used excessively and loosely, and if not paired with action.
* If you truly love that person then don't hurt her/him in any way whatsoever as it gives a negative impression that you are forcing them to love you.
* It is important to pay attention to the things on this list that enhance the phrase. Our language today is peppered with "love," "hate," etc. when describing things that aren't really deserving. This leads to the word "love" itself meaning less than it should. Remember, you are using simple, over-used words to communicate a very powerful emotion. It is important that other techniques are used to enhance this phrase, or else it merely comes across as trite.
-from wiki, with addition in some parts.
"WILL I FIND A SOUL MATE TO LOVE ME, THIS YEAR?"
Dear One, I did your research and found this: First off, I must tell you that I was touched by the feelings behind your question and the search for love that your heart has taken. And, further to that, I will explain some things to you, about the meaning of love partners.
The Twin Flame theory is not true. We do not split in half and spend the rest of our lives seeking the other half of who we are. Inside of each of us is masculine, feminine, and neutral or Soul energies. This does not split into two halves on incarnating to this plane. But, there are however, and many Soul Mate relationships possible for each of you. But, your question should read, 'will I find true love during this year'.
You can also find true love with a non soul mate partner that can be most wonderful. We often seek out old love mates, subconsciously seeking them, as there is old karmic ties there. In some ways this is good because we already know these people, but often we start a karmic relationship, to clean up old past life mistakes. Only 1 in 7,000 relationships is a true love relationship, and the rest are karmic in nature, and we are just cleaning up the old mistakes, and learning negative lessons. When the clean-up is complete, the couple usually divorces or separates.
Here is what I suggest to you. You show subconscious programming from childhood, on abandonment and other hurts, that block your own self love. This makes it most difficult to attract a caring, true love partner. At some point, I would recommend personal growth work to you, to free you from the old karmic bonds from the past, and to also vent old hurts from your past. For now, here is a suggestion for you:
How To Set-Up A Love Sign:
If you set-up a Love Sign to know when the right person appears, it makes the process of selecting a marriage partner, much easier. I heard this method at a spiritual seminar that I attended, several years ago and it does work. At the seminar, a woman explained to a large group of people, how she found her husband.
She was told, by Spirit, to set-up a sign to identify her right love partner. She selected 13 white feathers as her love sign. The number is important. If the love sign is too easy to find, it may not work. Shortly after that, she started to 'find' and receive white feathers. In letters, cards, on TV, and in junk mail. But, never 13 white feathers, always other numbers. At this same time, she had a best guy friend and he was making plans to go on vacation to New Zealand. While visiting there, in a remote village, he found a small curio shop. He bought her a card at the shop, and then mailed it to her. She received the little card before he returned home, and on the border of the card, were exactly 13 white feathers. She knew he was the one. They dated for over 6 months before she ever told him about the love-sign, as she was afraid to scare him off. When she did tell him, their love was already solid. A year later, they were married, and they are now happy and enjoying a loving, true love relationship.
It is very important to note, however, that she had done many years of spiritual work, and had cleared her negative programs, that were blocking a true love relationship. If you use this method, and still do not discover your true love partner, then there is most likely, more inner work to be done, and there are more blocks and programs to be removed. But, give this method a try, and set-up a love sign. It has worked for others, and it can work for you.
Ok, guys that above all written by Whitneay T. Vanwells, for addition, according to my experience, signs is not really absolute right for us to hold tight.. I mean, that's good if we have signs to ensure our relationship..But , we must make sure, we must keep really praying seriously for His leading. Because, sometimes we still can not understand His signs accurately. Our thoughts sometimes does not click with His way. I think we must believe, that God knows everything better than us, right. Watch your signs. Honest to yourself. Ask someone more spiritual than you to help you to know Is it make sense for we can say it is quality signs, or it is not. Ok, success for you all.
The 5 Levels Of Commitment In A Relationship And, How You Can Improve Relationship Trust. guys, this article written By Whitneay T. Vanwells to a person who sent question mail to her, u may check this out. I hope it will help you.
Dear One, I did your research on your question on love, and realized that there were many that were out there in the same boat as you, seeking to find love, or to help the relationship that they were presently in. Here is what I found in my research:
You have free will to choose to stay or go in the relationship, as fate is not written in stone, and can be changed every day through your choices. Yet, you show some difficulties in communication with him, and with commitment, on both sides. Just so that you know, there are 5 basic levels of commitment in a relationship:
1. Dating and going out together (No sexual intimacy at this level).
2. Dating each other only, (dating exclusively and some intimacy, not sex).
3. Engagement; a commitment to making the relationship permanent. Intimacy is OK here. By now you are making plans for a future together, and it is safe and constructive to trust at a physical level. Women who give in tosex before and on this stage, often pay the price of loosing their partner, and their dignity.
4. Marriage, the fourth stage, is the goal of the relationship. Sexual Intimacy allowed here =)
5. Stage 5 is supporting the marriage and working on maintaining the bond.
It is very important to go through each of these levels, and to spend time in each, while recognizing the needs of your partner, and your own needs as well. Talk to him, without pushing him.
When you push him to do something, you actually make him go the other way, the opposite way.
Talk to him, and just say, here is what I know about commitment, where do you think we are now. Once you agree upon this one thing, then you have a map for the relationship. Having a map for the relationship, takes the pressure off of both parties, and it is a very important step in developing a long term relationship.
Women tend to push men into marriage. Sometimes, they also tend to be intimate sooner than what they are comfortable with. They do this, because they fear that the man will leave if they are not intimate. Then the woman, generally, will have doubts, and want commitment, because she is afraid that he will leave. And, because she is feeling very vulnerable, having become intimate without a good emotional foundation.
He might, at this point, be scared, and feel pushed. He might feel on the spot, and yes, leave. Just so you know, this scenario happens, and it happens daily.
My sister dated many men when she was young. She would date 1 for a month or so, and become intimate with them, figuring that the relationship was safe. They were soon gone. Then, for about 5 years, she didn't date at all, because she saw a pattern in what was happening in her relationships. Then, she met someone very nice. They dated for 1 year, and were not intimate outside of kissing. When he would drop her off at her apartment, she would kiss him good night, and tell him to go home and have a cold shower. He loved her, so he respected her boundaries. Their wedding was one of love and trust. They were both sure that they were marrying the right person.
Their relationship was strong because they took their time, and got to know each other. She had figured out, that intimacy is actually a way to destroy a relationship when there is not enough emotional foundation.
Listen to these words. They will save you years of heartache. The bottom line in a healthy relationship, is to go at the pace that is comfortable for you both. If you go at your partner's pace, you might soon find yourself feeling overwhelmed. The pace of the relationship, needs to be talked about, and contemplated. Then, you both know where the relationship is, and it takes the pressure off you. It takes time to create a solid relationship built on trust. Give yourselves this time.
For those who are already married the 5th. stage of supporting the marriage, and working on it, is primary for success. If you get married, and don't work to support each other, and put your partner first, you will soon find yourself disappointed in what you have.
Dating doesn't stop at the door of the wedding. The husband needs to continue to court his wife, for life. The wife needs to continue to appreciate her mate, and the things that he does for her. Both must put their partner first, not last, on their list of priorities.
But, these are just words. It is through the application of your effort, that the love is kept alive in a good marriage. To keep your love alive, the battlefield of love, must be won every day. The results of your efforts will show in the strength and success of your love relationship.
Many Blessings, Whitneay T. Vanwells Ph.D., C.A.S. and recompposed by Yunike Andreas
Love is best seen as devotion and action, not an emotion. Love is not exclusively based on how we feel. Certainly our emotions are involved, but they cannot be our only criteria for love. True devotion will always lead to action—true love.
Let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS.
Sex is not love! Our culture has taught us that sex and love are one in the same. This is a lie. Sex is a beautiful God-given activity that is wonderful when practiced within the boundaries of a legal marriage. Sex is the completion of the binding of two people within Biblical marriage (according to Christianity); it is a God-given gift.
PRE-MARITAL SEX
Because premarital sex is not love, it only leads to pain and disappointment for those who are seeking that love. The Bible says that when two people are married, they become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31). Sex is consummation of that union. When two people break off their relationship after having sex, it is like ripping apart flesh. This is why two teenagers will struggle so much and become so dependent on those they give their bodies to. In light of I Corinthians 13:4-8 (above), it is easy to see that premarital sex is not patient, it is not kind, it does not protect, it is self-seeking. It is not love!
IDENTIFYING TRUE LOVE
We can only identify true love and know when we have found it, based on the Word of God. When we match our relationships up to what the Bible says that love is—and we are honestly prepared to make a life-long commitment to that person—then we can say that we are truly “in love.” The three keys to that statement are:
We have to…
1. look at the Word of God
2. be completely honest with ourselves
3. understand the level of commitment that comes with true love
