The right man for me?

Perhaps you have been dating a man who seems to be very caring, loving & supportive. You wonder & want to seek relationship advice, "Is he the right man for me?"

How do you know if Mr. Right is going to be that man who will be willing to commit to a meaningful relationship & is a person who you can feel comfortable with for the rest of your life?

Here are a few guidelines that might help you make that decision.

When relationships begin, each person is putting on their best face. Of course we don't want the other person to know that down deep inside of us, we are really insecure & have characteristics about ourself that we keep hidden. It is not until the relationship becomes committed or the legal binding of marriage occurs that it is safe to begin to allow that aspect to surface, with less fear that your partner is going to leave you. This is true for everyone on some level, whether one is conscious or unconscious about those insecurities.

It is common for that shadow side to surface after a commitment is made in the relationship, leaving feelings of disappointment. The biggest flaws will be the deepest hidden. There are qualities of a man to look for that will let you know that your man is capable of sustaining a healthy relationship. And this indeed forms the relevant part of relationship advice.

How does your man handle conflict or resolve differences?

Does he become quiet and refuse to discuss the problem?
Or is he willing to communicate about the differences & help to resolve the situation in a loving way?

Communication is essential to a successful relationship. If your man shows signs of withdrawing, pouting, or becomes angry when a conflict arises, it is a major sign of emotional immaturity.

Both partners need to be able to address a problem by sharing their views & emotions without blaming the other. You cannot resolve a problem if he refuses to talk about it or isn't emotionally connected well enough to know what he is feeling. If there is no possibility of conflict, then perhaps the intimacy in the relationship may not be easily established. That doesn't mean that conflict is necessary, but it does mean that he should be willing to take the initiative to openly discuss difficult/controversial subjects & move out of any conflicting situation very easily. The relationship will then deepen.

Does your man value your happiness?

A successful relationship is maintained by both the partners by respecting & honoring their love by committing to each other's best interests. If you are with a man who doesn't cherish your love, but is only concerned with his own happiness, be very wary. He should be willing to go beyond his own self interests & see the worth of honoring those values that you aspire to & hold dear. If you value financial responsibility then his life should show his commitment to a job & being sensible with debt. And if family values are important to you then he must spend maximum time with the family. The relationship advice will be that your happiness must be his priority.

Is your man considerate?

A man should be dependable. Does he show up when he says he will? Does he say he is going to call & you don't hear from him? You should be able to know that he stands by his word & you can trust him to be there when he says he is.

To be in a successful relationship you should be able to lean on your man, knowing that he will be willing to be there for you. Thus you will never feel the need of any relationship advice.

--advice from Dr Rakesh Chopra, http://www.DrRakeshChopra.com .

Signs of a lying partner

How to read the signs of a lying partner

Are you being lied to?

Knowing whether you are being lied to or not, does not require mind reading or psychic power.

Understanding the difference between the truth and a lie can all be determined by a person's behavior, and if you pay attention to these behaviors, you will be able to have a better idea of whether you are being lied to or not.

The most important thing you should always remember to do however is to trust your instincts. If you feel you are not getting the entire truth from your partner for some reason, then listen to your instincts.

Most people are in good touch with their instincts, but rather not listen to that inner voice because they refuse to believe that their partner would deceive them in any way. Staying in touch with your instincts will help guide you in the right direction.

Though instincts are a great help, they can be tricky. Majority of the times, your instincts will not lie to you, but there are times when your instincts can be influenced by your fears and insecurities. For example, you may already have fears of being cheated on, therefore you may feel that your partner is lying to you and cheating on you, when in fact he or she may be telling you the truth and completely faithful to you. This is why it is essential to understand the behavior of a liar, so that you define the difference between really catching on to a liar, or just being paranoid that your partner is lying to.

signs of lying

One important thing to remember is that the body never lies. If there are changes in the way your partner moves (or not moves) his/her arms, hands, head and the way his/her eyes shift, then you are most likely being lied to. The reason the body language changes when a person is lying is because the person now has to think of a way to seem convincing that he/she is telling the truth. Since he/she knows that whatever they are telling you is a lie, the behavior automatically changes, because they are now trying to act truthful, instead of actually being truthful. One big sign to look out for is in the eyes. If your partner avoids eye contact with you, then he/she is lying to you. There is a fear that you will see through him or her if there is eye contact, so eye contact will be avoided.

Whether you realize it or not, your body also communicates when you talk. When you are enthusiastic about telling your partner something and are telling the truth, you will move your hands around and will look into his/her eyes to make a connection. If your partner is lying however, he or she will tense up, will most likely tone down on the hand movement and eye connection and will seem different than other times. If your partner is the type to still move his/her hands around even when he/she is lying, then pay attention to the timing of the movements. Timing is everything and can define the difference between the truth and a lie. When a person is telling the truth for example, his/her hands (and whatever body movement he/she does) will move at the same time when telling you something. When he/she is lying however, the body language will be off and will usually come shortly after he/she has told you the lie. This is because they have to think about acting natural, and this thinking causes them to be off key, not to mention they are not really telling you the truth.

Another sign of a lying partner is if he/she touch his/her nose or face a lot while talking to you. They will feel nervous about telling you lies and will want to occupy their hands somehow as a way to cover up their lie, such as touching the nose, rubbing their eyes and so on. Your partner may even clear his or her throat more than usual than talking to you, look away a lot and/or say 'umm' when lying to you. They are using these as time killers so they can think of how to tell you the lie in the most convincing way possible. These are just some of the signs of a lying partner and are the most common signs.

Remember, it is always important to trust your instincts first. If you feel that your partner is lying to you, start paying closer attention to his/her behavior and if there are any changes, then you will be able to catch on to the lies better and can further investigate from that point.

Choose The Right Man For You

by freedating datingsitecash

1. Choosing the obvious ones to avoid: addicts, childabusers, chronic gamblers, felons, “boys”, etc. If you always fall in love with the wrong type of men, you should get help. Please seek it. You need to fall in love with the right person

2. Going by sexual attraction alone. That’s a choice your reptilian brain is making which is to say not a choice at all. “Choosing” means weighing alternatives and being rational. Never in life do you want your reptilian brain in charge. It doesn’t “think.”

3. Choosing based on external qualities alone. It’s nice if he’s a hot hunk, but not if he's just another pretty face. Are you choosing a 37' powerboat instead of a man who owns one? His face will change. His toys may disappear. It's "for better or for worse," not "for as long as he can buy me Gucci handbags.” Seek TRUE love!

4. Rushing. Date him long enough to go through actual situations that test what you can't see and touch -- his values, priorities, manners, morals, and interests.

At first you’ll go to hockey games, WWF matches and beer drinking just to be with him, right? Do you really see yourself doing these things every weekend for the rest of your life?

On the same point, is he being nice to your kids just to get to you? Is he willing to go shopping with you and to the museums? Only time will tell.

5. Rushing. Give it time so he can sort out his feelings. Men tend to go from desire to action without thinking .This is why we see them make such poor choices in women, and then do the same thing again. You may be sure, but is he? Follow your heart AND your brain.

6. Rushing. You need time because even a workaholic will give you attention 24/7 at first. Only 6 months down the line will you discover that once he’s “got you,” and knows you love him, so he neglects you. Work comes first, then his golf. He’ll call you when it’s your turn.

7. Not checking out his attitude toward women.
How does he treat his mother? Your friends? His sister?

8. Trusting only your intellect. This means gathering facts, reading experts, not checking in with your intuition, and listening to advice blindly without looking into your heart as well.

Let’s say your best friend, who’s very perceptive, tells you he’s a womanizer. I’d give that some weight, but I’d check it out myself. It won't be hard. Give it time, stay awake and you’ll see.

Another example – You made the list of what you wanted. There he is in front of you, lacking 3 of the 6 items on your list, but you adore him. You really click. That’s a good time to go back and rethink your list. You’re alway sentitled to change your mind.

9. Trusting only your feelings. Come now, do you really think you can make a life with someone who is (admittedly) darling and sexy BUT hates your religion, has different morals and ethics than you do, has already alienated your father, wants kids while you don’t, refuses to “let” you work, and has already ordered you to get rid of your cat? This is like allowing yourself to fall in love with a married man. Just go stick an ice pick in your eyeball instead.

10. Misunderstanding the nature of feelings. Our emotions give us information. They don’t demand behavior. When I was a teenager I was dating a creep. My father told me I had to quit seeing him. “But I love him,” I said. Said he: “Love someone else.” No, you can’t manufacture feelings, but neither do they have to be acted upon. They can be taken “under advisement” and thought through.

Get the Right Man - 7 (End)

Well, there you have it. The keys to success in a relationship. How to find the man of your dreams. Remember - it's about self-
respect,
self-improvement,
trusting yourself,
choosing the right partner and respecting your partner.

With these tools and a strong resolve, you'll have no trouble finding a wonderful man who will treat you well!

Tips

- Ask him what he wants out of life.
- How does he plan on accomplishing those goals?
- What is he doing to accomplish those goals?
- Do his goals fit in with your goals?
- Read the book "Men are from Mars / Women are from Venus" together.
The name sounds lame, but it is a very enlightening book.
- Use every opportunity you get to learn more about him.
- Resources: Internet authors: Christian Carter; Rori Raye; Carol Allen.
- Resources: Books: "Why Men Love Bitches," by Sherry Argov.

Warnings

- If he doesn't want to talk to you about his future, he probably doesn't want to spend it with you.
- If he doesn't want to spend time improving your relationship, he probably doesn't care about it.
- "Birds of a feather flock together" If his friends are the wrong kind of people, he may well be too.
- If you are after the right man, don't play too many games with him. A man who catches on that a woman is using him to satisfy her own ego will more than likely turn a potential romantic relationship into a disaster.
If you are into the man, be 100% clear about who you are and what you want, but be natural and don't push for a relationship too soon.
- Even if you follow all the steps and imbibe all the tips, you may not feel that you have got the right man! This is because, neither you nor the man are unchangeable! The life itslef changes and sometimes changes beyond imagination.
--wikihow, modified by flame in some parts

Get the Right Man - 6

So far, we've: created a very fulfilling life; learned to recharge our batteries and take care of ourselves so we have energy to put into our relationships; learned how men look at dating and marriage; looked at attracting men and the importance of sticking with what you're comfortable with, instead of trying to impress him; how to manage sex by respecting our intuition; and gotten a more realistic, research-centered perspective on what works and doesn't work in marriage.

Now for the final step:
techniques for keeping the man of your dreams at your side for life.

As mentioned, it is extremely important to make a point of addressing issues when they arise. However, blaming, being condescending, and other judgmental are not only useless, but highly predictive of failure.
Instead, often simply stating feelings is enough. Practice saying the works, "I feel." "I feel sad... lonely... attacked... unhappy." Men live to make their women happy. That is one of the main reasons why they don't respond well to criticism - they feel inadequate. Men want to be their wife's hero. Allowing them to respond to your feelings, find a solution themselves (instead of having one suggested), and working to make their wives happy (rewarded by her happiness and smiling face) makes him a modern-day hero.

One of the keys to pursuing your own passions and having your own friendships is that you will not be needy and dependent on him. He will know that you have a lot going on. He knows that if he doesn't schedule a date and calls you last minute, you're probably out with your friends - so he calls in advance to schedule dates (this doesn't mean disrespecting him by getting drunk and flirting with guys, but a night out with the ladies, dinner and a movie, is appropriate fun). You also don't beg him for time alone. Just as it is important for you to have time with your friends, he must have time with his. That time he has, and the freedom you give him to have it, gives him time to miss you. Since you are busy, too, and he's missing you on his boy's night, you'll certainly see enough of him other nights. While it is important for a man to contribute to the household, it is also very important for you to watch for moments when your insecurity comes out.
Instead of setting a curfew like a mother would, at those times when you feel pangs of jealousy or insecurity, ask yourself, "Have I sacrificed my dreams lately? When was the last time I pursued my hobbies or saw my friends?"
Don't make excuses for lack of time - take action.

One difference between men and women is mental processing. Women tend to need a certain about of social time, often with other women, to help them process thoughts and feelings. Men, on the other hand, tend to need time along. Depriving a man of his "alone time" takes away his ability to recharge in the way he needs to. Attempting to force a man to "open up" will only make the process take longer. When a man feels that he is being analyzed or judged, he is far less likely to open up. Men need to feel safe, and have his thoughts and feelings validated and accepted, before he feels comfortable opening up to a woman. However, he still needs time alone, and women need to learn to respect this in the same way that men must respect a woman's need to have social interaction with other women. For a marriage to last, men must feel safe being able to express thoughts and feelings, particularly sadness.

The keys to dealing with your partner in relationship conflicts is expressing feelings and using the word "Regardless" - or withdrawing attention. "Regardless" is important, because no one can argue logic against emotion. However, while you may feel very emotional, take it out with exercise, talking to friends, or in other ways. Your conversation with your partner, even while expressing emotion, should be extremely calm and without visible emotion. Here are some examples:

A man is calls you up at the last minute, asking for a late date. It will obviously lead to a late dinner, or more likely, a booty call. For whatever reason, you happen to be free that night - but of course, you were not waiting for his call as he hadn't scheduled a date. You simply had decided to stay in that night to pamper yourself. You ask him to drive over to your house. He insists you drive to his. You feel internal doubt... trust that instinct. Inside, you can tell he's trying to weasel from you what he can get at his convenience. Response? Withdraw attention. "Will you drive over here?" "No, you come to my house," he says. "It seems like tonight just won't be convenient for me. Perhaps we can get together next week." By not allowing him to disrespect you, particularly for sex, you show him you will stand up for yourself. Seeing that you won't let him get away with a more minor jerky-thing, he's less likely to be more of a jerk to you in the future, and will certainly respect you much more. A true jerk will show his true colors here - but the average guy will say, "Sorry, let's go on a real date next week." Expect your man to treat you well and he will.

A man is not contributing around the home. Go to him and say,
"I feel sad." [this is the base emotion, which will elicit compassion.]
"Why?" he'll ask.
"Because I feel overworked."
"But I'm working hard, too," he says.
"Regardless, I feel overworked. I feel a sense of unfairness." [Notice the focus is still on feelings, which can not be argued with.]
"But I took out the garbage last week!"
"I really appreciate that. Regardless, I feel overworked. I feel like I do more." He can no longer argue. He sighs.
"What if I started doing the dishes every other night."
"Oh! That would be great - but that feels overly complicated. Every other night. I would still feel burdened overall."
"Ok, every night."
"Oh, thank you so much! What a great idea! You're the best, sweetie!" Sparkle. Smile. Hug him. Thank him. Practice well - research has shown that if you want to be a successful parent, you'll need to reward your kid's chores (yes, the ones they're supposed to do without encouragement!) with the same enthusiasm. And you should be enthusiastic. Becoming complacent and not showing appreciation is a very negative trait.

Now - sit back, and let him do it. He may do it later than you want. He may do it differently than you want. But don't touch those dishes, and expect them to be done- they will be. Then kiss him and smile - that's all he wants, to be your hero. Notice, clearly you don't suggest the solution. He comes up with it himself. Most importantly, you have to allow him to do it his way, even if he loads the dishes in a less that optimal way, he still did it and is your hero! This is the only part that may seem artificial to some - but it shouldn't be.

First, because researchers have shown how important support is for behavior modification. But mostly because you should appreciate what your partner does for you, and that appreciation is an important part in showing the type of support and affection research has shown to be so important in a marriage.
Note: if you are changing your strategy mid-relationship to a more mature manner of interacting, do not be surprised if you find conflict increasing before it settles down. You are changing the rules, which can be uncomfortable for him.

Never treat your partner like a child - don't talk down to him, don't give him unsolicited advice, don't cast judgement on him, don't give him curfews or try to control him.

Agree, if anything, to disagree about the way he does things. But accept the man as he is, appreciate him for who he is, don't try to change him. If you can't resist the urge, let him go for another girl who will appreciate him for him, not for what you consider to be his "potential."

These important concepts are really about staying mature, respecting him, and expecting mutual respect. They have also been shown to be highly successful. By managing your own energy, time, and emotion, you will find the ability to be the stronger emotional force in the relationship leading to a lasting love and respect for the both of you. =)

Get the Right Man - 3 & Man's heart

# Next, think about what you wish a man in your life were doing for you -
how he was appreciating you.

What do you wish a man would do? Buy you flowers?
Bring you chocolate? Perhaps cuddle up with a good movie? Enjoy chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne by candlelight?
Take you out to a nice restaurant every month or so?
Buy you a day at the spa? Make a nice list of how you wish you were treated and appreciated. A complete list!

# Now - without saying you don't deserve it, without saying you shouldn't spoil yourself, start appreciating yourself.
Obviously stay within your budget, but save on some weekends to splurge a little on others. Take your friends out to dinner. Buy yourself some chocolate and flowers. Light some candles and have a nice glass of wine, even if you're watching a movie at home, by yourself.
Invite a friend over for fondue.

Learn to truly love yourself. Continue the tradition of really fulfilling yourself. When a man sees how you treat yourself, he will see that you realize you are a treasure worthy of being treated well.

He will accept no less of himself. He will hold you up as a treasure. A man who sees that an ordinary night alone for you includes candles, chocolate, and wine will never try to get away with calling watching the game with him friends a "date". You may, if you find that fun, decide to do that once and a while; but he will also be sure that he treats you well. Make sure, however, that you aren't just doing this for a man.

You shouldn't burst into tears when a man appreciates you for the first time in your life. You should always be grateful and loving when he treats you well, but you should be kind to yourself even when no one will ever find out.


# Remember, self-sacrifice is a high predictor for divorce. Learning to take care of your own needs helps you to take the burden off of the man and give you more energy to invest in the relationship. The next step - now that you are prepared for a man - is learning how dating works, how men work, and where to find a man.

# The most important part of finding a man is the dating process. This is where many women, unfortunately, go wrong. When a man goes on a date, he's of course interested in sex. But if he is looking for a relationship or marriage, he is more interested in getting to know the woman and seeing if she is the type of woman he could spend his life with. This is a slow process. He watches for clingy women who make him feel uncomfortable, and focus on finding fulfilled, interesting women who like him as he is. He doesn't want a woman who will take any man and then seek to change him; he is looking for a woman who doesn't need a man, but likes him in particular. So men are almost more serious about the dating process than women, and slower to commit because they are very selective.
When a man feels like things are getting too serious too soon, before he's ready - such as sex before he feels he knows the woman well - he may run out the door out of fear of committing to someone he isn't sure about yet.

# Men often have a time in life when they feel ready to marry. Before that period, they often: are at an unstable financial period - in school or early in their career; date to "sow their oats" rather than dating seriously; and spend much more time engaged in risk-taking behaviors (although men will always thirst for some risk and "hunt," and will feel unhappy if deprived of it completely).
Once a man starts to get bored of drinking and casual dating, gets more serious in his career, and reaches other bench marks of adulthood - such as buying a house - he begins to think about marriage.

# In some rare cases, a woman may cause the transition process to happen earlier than it would have, but this process must come when the man is ready, not through begging, pleading, ultimatums, and other behaviors that men interpret as desperate or undesirable.
Men will do this because of a girl, not because they are convinced to. Women who cause this change are typically very mature (especially emotionally), holding a man to a higher standard that he admires; but still fun, youthful, and engaging; "lady-like" as that man defines a lady; but still enthusiastic and fun in relationship; interesting, exciting, spontaneous; but stable enough that he sense loyalty in her. Men are typically changed because they sense this woman is a one-of-a-kind opportunity they don't want to let go of, a confident, self-assured, fun and interesting woman who is not asking for validation or clingy, who he can't manipulate, but who is still loving and affectionate and appreciates him in a relationship.
--Continue to Get the Right Man- 4

Have a Healthy Relationship

How to Have a Healthy Relationship

There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.

Steps

1. Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness.
Accept yourself. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Take good care of yourself. If you really want, you CAN always find something to do that makes you feel good about yourself right now. Love yourself, so pursue your true needs. Light up your true desires. Ask yourself why you didn't?

Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them that way.

Keep reminding yourself you are GOOD ENOUGH to have a happy life and a healthy relationship. Make yourself happy, and then share with one another.

2. Make and keep clear agreements.
Respect the difference between yourself and your partner.
Don't expect he or she agrees with you on everything. Reach mutual agreement or plan, and then commit to it.
Leave the partner if you can't reach any agreement or you find he or she always makes excuses for breaking the agreement or plan.
If you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late.
If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement and/or tell the truth about any feelings you're having about someone else before you act on them. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety.

3. Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan.
You can either choose to be right, or you can have a successful relationship. You can't always have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something.
They say. "If you loved me, you would..." and argue to hear the other say, "Okay, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship.

Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences.

If you can't reach any mutual agreement, that doesn't mean either of you is wrong or bad, it only means you don't suit each other.

4. Approach your relationship as a learning experience.
Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel 'bossed' around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless?
When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us.
A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve.

5. Tell the unarguable truth.

Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love.

Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner.
Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it.
The unarguable truth is about your true feelings; your partner can argue about anything that happens outside of you, but he or she cannot rationally deny your feelings.
Here are some examples:
"I felt scared when I saw you talking to him at the party,"
"I feel angry when you hang up on me,"
and
"I felt sad when you walked out during our fight and didn't want to be around me."

6. Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation.
The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them.
Do not hold your "good deeds" over their head at a later time.
Keeping score in a relationship will never work: a person is less likely to notice and value all the contributions of their partner as much as their own.

7. Forgive one another.
Forgiveness is a decision of letting go the past and focusing on the present.
It's about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and try to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it.
If you can't reach an agreement, it's a bad sign. If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it's a good sign.
It's the only way to prevent yourself from more disappointment, anger or resentment. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone, do give him or her the time and space.

8. Review your expectations.
Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money.
Make sure you don't expect your partner to fulfil every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you.
Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that.
You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. And above all, you can have perfect thing only from God.
Attempting to change someone else's mode of processing or personality style won't work -- and will create derailments.

9. Be Responsible.
Here's a new definition:

Responsible means that you have the ability to respond.

Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you are to blame.
There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about why you are jealous and how you might do it differently next time.
If you are unhappy in your relationship, get curious about why this situation seems similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than dwell in anger or resentment or try to change your partner instead.

10. Appreciate yourself and your partner.
In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don't want to argue but to talk and make it better.

Tips
* Know yourself and be honest with yourself and love yourself -- first! Only then can you truly appreciate and love someone else.

* Take good care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect and love is as important as respecting and loving your partner. Conduct yourself with dignity, even if you're very familiar with one another.

* All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe your partner is losing respect for you, then consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect is the key. If you have true respect for one another, then nothing can go wrong. You just have to find the right person to respect, this is the hard part.

* Ask questions, clarify, don't assume. Do not talk if your mind is not clear or full of anger. When you feel hurt, do not say
"you don't love me / you never loved me" or
"let's break up" or
"when do you want to break up?".
You will regret one day. Tell him or her you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first.

* Treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Be gentle and kind.
Apologize if your partner feels hurt. Apology does not mean you are bad, it only means you care.
When you are full of anger, it will surely burst out of your mouth if you open it. Calm down first, then think it through, then try to talk.
When your partner asks to be left alone, do not blame or criticize. Show your respect and support by give him or her the time and space to calm down and think it through first. But do not leave any unsolved problem for too long.

* Be the first to tell your partner, either positive or negative.
Trust is as essential as respect. If you want your partner to trust you, trust him or her first. Let your partner play guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and frustration. But, don't just tell him or her the issue, also talk about your plan to solve it.

* Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.

* Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship. Stay in touch by, for example, calling your partner even if it's just to say 'hi' and 'I love you'.

* Avoid any activity that could cause your partner to experience doubt, suspicion or distrust - build your credibility and earn trust and respect by always communicate truthfully and proactively, and always keep your words.
In this way, if something happens which looks incriminating, your partner will believe you if you claim you are innocent. Past behavior predicts future actions - building a solid foundation of trust and integrity will take you far.
However, ultimately your life and where it takes you is more important than your obligations to someone else. If there is trust in a relationship, you should be able to do what you want. You aren't responsible for making someone else jealous.

* Always make sure to show your partner that you appreciate him/her.
Whether it's calling them to check in, say I love you, or just spend your Saturday night together. The possibilities are endless.

* Know when to say no, and know when time and space are actually constructive tools.

* It is not always a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm.
"Do you sometimes think about your ex?" and
"do I look fat in these pants?" are both loaded questions.
In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example,
"I think you have other pants that look better on you" is a helpful answer, instead of simply "they don't", or "they do make you look fat".

* Remember what you don't do is as important as what you do.

* Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners or coworkers. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. There is nothing wrong with having friends of a gender you are attracted to; just keep flirting out of the friendship.

* Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you're no longer romantically involved. Don't ever lie or cheat on your partner, however one of those questions it's best not to answer totally honestly is
"do you still think about your ex?"
If you have fond memories, don't dwell on them, and hasten to assure your partner that while you occasionally remember places you went or things that happened, you are so much happier to be with your present partner. Period. Don't launch into a rehashing of the old days with the ex, or wax nostalgic.

* 'It can help to learn the difference between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships' - That way you can see potential problems as and when they arise
(Remember - its likely you would see something Unhealthy at some point so don't be alarmed or shocked as there is no perfect relationship because we are all human and fallible).
If you see something Unhealthy in your relationship try and work out why this is and see if you can work towards resolving it.

Warnings
* Keep your expectations about the relationship realistic.
Marriage should not be on your mind if you've been dating for a week, for example.
Nor should you think that the relationship is going to solve all of your problems, or that you'll never be lonely again, or anything like that.
Relationships can be wonderful things, but be realistic about them. Just as one can feel lonely in a crowd, one can also feel lonely occasionally when in a relationship - that doesn't mean the relationship is bad, it only means you're feeling a little down. Don't ascribe too much importance to it unless these feelings linger and begin to dominate your days and nights. If this happens, seek help; you may be spiralling into a depression.

* Do not assume that any one relationship will be perfect. It is human to experience disagreements and emotional pain. Working past these issues may be an ongoing struggle.

* Do not call it quits when you do argue. When in a state of anger, we can not rationalize and often find ourselves losing control by saying things we don't mean. Hang in there and try to work it out before finalizing a break-up that you will regret afterwards. That said, if you find you are arguing more and more, examine the possible reasons, and talk it over together.

-from WikiHow with addition in some parts

Write a Love poem...

How to Write a Love Poem

For the cash-strapped, or romantically inclined, writing a sincere, well thought out love poem may be just the ticket to your loved one's heart.

It is easy to express your true feelings and thoughts in free-verse or rhyme.

You don't need to be a Shelley or Browning to write a great poem.
All it takes is sincerity, effort, a loving feeling and something to write with.

1. Write a page of standard prose, as fast as you can, about how you felt the first time you saw your loved one,
how you felt the first time you knew you were in love,
and how you feel right now about being together.
These three moments in time will create the structure of your poem.

2. Replace any weak verbs with stronger verbs and any pronouns with proper nouns.
Words depicting the 5 senses work well for love poems.

3. Reread your passage and pick a metaphor to tie the three moments together.
Choosing a metaphor is the most fun part so be wild with it.
An opening flower is a tried and true metaphor for love, but a cloud that looks like a heart might work even better.

4. Rewrite your passage using the metaphor to describe the three moments.

5. Read your page aloud, change things that sounds "off" to you. Make notes where you feel there's a pause in the flow.

6. Write the poem, putting a line breaks where you made the notes.

7. Whether you type or write the poem consider framing your poem. Your loved one may want to keep the poem as a memento!

8. Read the poem aloud to the person you love, or present it as a gift to them. Tips * Who knows—you may just write the "Greatest Poem Ever".
Just remember your poem is for the one you love. So make it personal and sensual.


* Think about your 'love',
how you feel when you are together or apart,
what you miss most when you're apart, how you feel when you reunite.
Write your thoughts and feelings.
Poetry comes from your heart—your thoughts will create a love poem based on your feelings.

* There's no need to be intimidated by rhyme schemes.
Remember, poetry doesn't have to rhyme.
Former Poets Laureate Robert Pinsky and Louise Gluck and current Poet Laureate Ted Kooser all write poetry that does not rhyme.

* The best writing advice is simple: omit needless words. One strong verb steamrolls any three weak ones.

* Poetry and almost all artful prose is about how the words reveal your feelings. Read your writings aloud to yourself to feel what your words are saying. If they stir emotion in you, they will for the person you love.

* Make it personal. If your love is named Kim or Vern try to use it. Don't use cliches', find something unique or special in your relationship and write about that. Your poem should be a reflection of the love you both share.

* One useful tip for any kind of poem is to "write it twice: first with the heart, then with your brain". Express your feelings without sounding corny.

* Read poems for ideas but "Do not copy them" it will get you nothing, and your loved one may find out.

* It's FINE to quote an existing poem. Just include the original author's name and say something like, "I thought of you when I read this."

* Some people are more poetic than others when it comes to expressing emotions, don't give yourself a report card, your poem doesn't need to be perfect just yours. A short, simple, romantic phrase or rhyme from your heart can be put in with a small gift to give your loved one. E.G. "I hope this gift will let you see ...how much, my love, you mean to me...

* A poem that can be written in prose isn't a poem, so don't follow the method of writing a huge block of prose, cleaning it up, and then cutting it arbitrarily into lines. Learn to write real poetry in meter--that will show your lover real dedication and effort.

* Recognize that this is only ONE way of writing a poem. Google "love poem" for a million others. The issue here is not how good a poem it is, it's how much emotion it evokes in your partner. You don't have to stick to the night you met. Try other powerful moments, for example the evening you two walked together just before the birth of your first child, the time you two got caught in the rain, clutching his/her hand on the roller coaster, etc. etc.

* If you want to rhyme, there are great rhyming dictionaries on the internet. Try to stay away from one syllable words and try making every other line rhyme.

* Golden Rule: If you are sincere, your partner will LOVE it. Guaranteed. * Do not talk about raw sex in your poem.

* You don't have to ignore sex either. Look at the work of e e cummings for example. Sex is a part of many romantic relationships and is as raw or refined as the partners themselves, e.g. Jose Nunez "Bilingual"
-from WikiHow
ok, good luck then

How to Be a Great Wife

How to Be a Great Wife

You want to be a wonderful wife, but what does that mean? Ultimately, it's up to your and your husband to determine the needs of your relationship and how each partner can do their part to fulfill them, but here are some guidelines to start off with.

Steps

1. Be secure in yourself.
Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be.
He will find you sexy even if you don't feel like it, if you act the part. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy.
Poor self-esteem and a "void" in your life is terrible for marriage. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, would you still have girlfriends you see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to, sports you play? If not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he can't, and will feel inadequate and unhappy.

2. Express, don't accuse.
Except in the rare event that your husband happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around". Communicate calmly, clearly and directly. Relationships work best when women calmly express their current emotion without harping on what he has done. Frequently, a "I feel attacked" or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored." Let "I feel" be your guide.

3. Don't expect the moon.
He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone.
However, if you both keep working on your marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.

4. Pick your battles.
Nagging and nitpicking can damage a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher "the right way". Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important.

5. Keep your sex life interesting.
Be willing to try new things and discuss them--don't just turn them down immediately if he suggests something you don't find appealing. This may make him feel rejected. At least be willing to discuss it, and perhaps try it, but never do anything you are uncomfortable with after discussing it with him. Also, don't be afraid to discuss anything you might be interested in. Physical intimacy is as important to a marriage as emotional intimacy. Nurture them both.

6. Accept him.
Only by accepting him as he is, do you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you.

Tips
* Don't criticize your husband, not in his presence, not in his absence, not when you're in front of people, and not when you're alone together. Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as much as you can. This doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns, but there's a difference between expressing your needs and criticizing his ability to meet them.


Warnings

* If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's definitely not a good relationship. A real man gets what he wants without forcing. Talk things out or see a counsellor. If he turns violent, even once, make sure you're safe. Depending on the situation that might mean moving out, or calling the police, or telling someone what's happening - whatever you do, don't continue to suffer in silence, and don't accept abuse (physical or otherwise) in your relationship. Remember - he will come back, as loving as ever, and apologize again and again and again - and the violence escalates each time. Read How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship.

from WikiHow

Maintain Your Relationship

How to Maintain Romance

There is so much more involved in keeping romance alive than just candles, bubble baths, and foot massages. You each have to work at it in order to maintain and enjoy romance in your life.

Here is how to feed the romantic fires in your relationship in a deep and meaningful way.

Steps

1. Tell the truth.
Truth is the ultimate aphrodisiac and a great way to create connection with your partner. For example, you might say "I feel safe when I am with you" or
"Sometimes I feel scared that we get so busy with other things that we forget about creating close moments together, but I really want to be close with you."
ust share your true feelings and speak from your experience.
If you are concealing in your relationship, you will not feel connected, so consider making truth an ongoing priority in your life.

2. Appreciate yourself and your partner.
Appreciation means "to grow in value, or to be sensitively aware of."
Take time to understand just what it is that you like about yourself, and your partner. Saying for example,
"I am doing a good job as a parent by taking time to hug the kids in the morning before they go off to school." or
"I really appreciate how dedicated you are to your job."
Successful relationships have a 5 to 1 ratio of appreciations to criticisms, so if you really want to heat up your relationship, start appreciating!

3. Listen.
All humans crave being seen and heard. Being with your partner, and really listening to them can be magical for you both.
Often, we want to fix their problems, but it is much more powerful to listen. Saying, "Wow, I can understand you are frustrated." or
"That must have been hard on you." Let your partner know you're hearing them.

4. Create romance within yourself first.
We often try to "get" our partners to be more romantic by believing we need to change them in order to have what we want. The truth is that you are much more likely to have what you want when 'you' show up in that way.
For example, create your own romantic mood--dress, put on music, prepare sensuous foods, take some time to love and appreciate yourself. It will not take long for your partner to join in the fun!

5. Ask for what you want.
Let your partner know that you are deeply interested in spending some romantic time with them (You would be surprised at how often they are unaware of this.)
Whining, demanding, and manipulating are contrary to creating romance, so do your best to ask using kind and loving words.

6. Bring play back into your relationship.
Levity is a sexy thing. If you are stuck in thoughts of how much housework you have to do, or that you might wake the kids, more than likely you will not feel romantic. Laugh about the ways that you take your self out of a romantic mood, and soon, you will be back in it.

7. Speak your partner's love language.
We often become confused and disappointed by expecting the other person to do such and such romantic things. Do to your partner the things they like as well as you telling them what 'you' like, want, and expect. When you fulfill their needs and desires, you will end up receiving the same in return!

8. Accept each other unconditionally, respect each others wishes and dislikes.
Keep the mystery and fascination to each other. Love each moment as if it is the last.

Tips
* Communicate with your partner about what each of you wants in the area of romance, without making the other person feel wrong for their desires.
One may want less romance, the other may want more, however by communicating, each can have what they want, it just may not look the way you think it is supposed to.
For example, how could you create a romantic evening just for yourself? (This is a really powerful step to creating a life of joy!)

Warnings
* Many couples will subconsciously create an argument just when there is an opportunity for romance. This happens because we have conditioned ourselves to avoid intimate connection. We are afraid of being hurt when we are most open and vulnerable, thus we shut down without even realizing we are doing it. When this happens, take notice, without judging yourself or your partner. Instead try once more to spark a connection by using the steps above.

* Being sarcastic with the one you love is not romantic or funny, unless both partners realize the mood.

from Wikihow

Long Distance Relationship

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
Have you ever in this relationship? Or maybe you're in now, i hope, this article will work on you. It's hard enough to make local relationships work, but having miles, States, and sometimes even an ocean between you makes it even more difficult. However, successful long distance relationships can and do exist.

Here's how to give yours every chance to survive and thrive. Steps
1. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?"
2. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible.
Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't have to be long, in-depth conversations (though those should occur sometimes). Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection, but while instant messaging and e-mails play a large role in long distance relationships, remember that they can in no way replace verbal communication. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget.(Even though phone calls might get a little too expensive, there are special cards if you are to call each other from different countries, there will be no problems with costs since it is very cheap. We highly recommend you get one of those cards, it will be a lot cheaper and from experience E-mail and instant messages makes it easier to misunderstand each other.) Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason.
In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted!

3. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc.
Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.

4. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart.
If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it.
Read a certain book at the same time.
Stargaze while on you're on the phone.
Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too.
Find creative ways to bond.

5. Avoid the temptation to be controlling.
People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.


6. Talk about your future together.
Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

7. Know when to say good-bye.
While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you'll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. Either you'll decide to go your separate ways, or you'll get closer for having overcome another obstacle to your happiness together.

8. Remember things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope.


Tips
* A long distance relationship is no different from a proximal relationship in that they both require a great deal of work, excellent communication, patience, sacrifice and understanding. But you will have to work extra hard to maintain the communication and to stay focused enough to not let your daily life interfere with your desire to be with the other person. Don't forget them or you can forget the relationship and it will all be over.

* One of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship is connecting when one person gets busier than the other. If this happens in a relationship it is important to maintain communication. If you are the busy person, try to warn your partner ahead of time that you will be working many hours and may have limited time. If you are the not-as-busy person, take advantage of the time by picking up a new hobby, getting in shape, reading a new book, etc. Flexibility is very important.

* It helps to have a solid time in the future for when the long distance part of the relationship will end, no matter the time length. Without it, the relationship can begin to mold into something that is always distant - even with great communication. With it, each person can see the point at which the distance will end and work harder to keep emotions readily available.

* When talking to your partner, take note of things they enjoy the most (hobbies, day-to-day activities, etc.), and do a little research on it so you have more to do when you see them next. For example: If your partner likes to dance, find the location of different clubs where you will see them next. If you don't know how to dance, take lessons and you will impress them by your willingness to make an effort on their behalf.

* Buy a game that you can play together over the internet, such as a MMORPG (massively multi-player online role playing game). You will be able to chat while playing and it will give a greater feeling of togetherness.
* Mail each other scented clothes.
* Send each other spontaneous ecards.
* Make a creative countdown and mail it to your partner to enjoy until you see each other next. For example, create a photo calendar, with something you add for each day to describe what you love about them.
* Do not set unreasonable expectations for your visit. Fantasizing about the visit is fine, but not out loud or by email to your partner. Instead, enjoy the excitement of the surprises to come.
* The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook is a well-balanced, practical book for couples in long distance relationships who need some guidance.
* Buy a webcam so you can chat face to face and see each other, so when you meet you will remember what they look like.
* Consider the fact that living far apart gives you both a chance to grow as individuals. Some couples break up to "find themselves", but in a long distance relationship you both have enough space to do your own things and still have a connection.

Warnings
* Remember, every kind of relationship takes hard work and dedication to your loved one or partner, whether it's long distance or proximal. If you and your partner are willing to take these steps, then expect bumps and turns in the road. These bumps and turns will only help contribute towards a relationship.
* Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. They can be very trying - but so can proximal relationships.
* Long distance relationships can and will test you and your partner; you need to trust him/her entirely as paranoia can play a major part in the demise of your relationship. Also, these kinds of relationships can bring a lot of disappointment and heartache--depending on the time you spend away from each other it is VERY important that if you want this relationship to work you must make a great effort not to drift apart.
* Long distance relationships are difficult, as you are emotionally attached to a person you cannot touch or comfort (hug, kiss, hold hands), and this can hurt your heart and wreak havoc with your emotions. The only way to make these relationships work is if you and your partner honestly believe you will be able to survive without each other for a considerable amount of time without the need or desire to be with someone else.

from wikihow

Forgiveness in your marriage or relationship

Forgiveness and Letting Go in Your Marriage or Relationship

Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a critical tool for a marriage relationship.

Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep yourself healthy both emotionally and physically.


Health Aspects of Forgiving
If you hold on to old hurts, disappointments, petty annoyances, betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more - hate and extreme bitterness.
Lack of forgiveness can wear you down.
Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either our physical and mental well being.

How to Forgive
* Be open.

* Make a decision to forgive your spouse.

* When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts.

* Don't throw an error or mistake back in your spouse's face at a later date. Don't use it as ammunition in an argument.

* Don't seek revenge or retribution. It will only extend the pain.

* Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression.

* Remember that forgiveness doesn't mean you condone the hurtful behavior.

* Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don't try to hurry the process.

* If you continue to be unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt, please seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive. Don't forget to praying for your marriage from your first time.

How to Ask for Forgiveness
* Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you've caused.
* Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your spouse again by repeating the hurtful behavior.
* Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt.
* Be open to making amends.
* Be patient with your spouse. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don't dismiss your spouse's feelings of betrayal by telling your spouse to "get over it."

Marriage Relationships Need Forgiveness

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they do not mean now and then.
Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven.

No relationship, especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness.

Even though you may find it find it difficult to forgive, being able to forgive is crucial in marriage.

Knowing When Enough is Enough (in relationship) If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to say enough is enough and to end your relationship. In these situations, forgiveness for the past hurts may take longer and that is okay.

Knowing When Enough is Enough (in marriage) If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to ask help from consultant or your spiritual leader.Don't forget to pray. By His grace, you will have more understanding about your self and your spouse, and how to make solution next time.

From Sheri & Bob Stritof, with additions in some parts.