This article will describe what a woman finds most annoying in her partner.
Though this is a much debated topic, we know for sure that a woman never likes a man who is weak or shows too much of interest in her initially. Similarly there are many points that psychologists have tried to analyze. It would be very easy to put it down in a few simple points, but perhaps it is best to debate this topic by asking questions.
How would you feel if you see your man with another woman what women hate about men enjoying a cup of coffee at the coffee shop around the street corner?
Chances are, you would feel a sense of jealousy, even if the woman is just an office colleague who just wanted to feel a little relaxed. This is just an example and hundreds more can be cited. Any relationship can survive just on one sentence
�Trust me and I will never let you down�.
If you really mean it, this can be the foundation of any statement. Many Psychoanalysts often point out that women often contradict themselves while expressing what they desire and do not desire in men. Though women publicly admit that they like men who are strong, secretly they like a man on whom she can wield certain amount of power. Well for all the men reading this article, the Billy Joel song
�She is always a woman for me� is how we would love to define her. No matter what, men will always enjoy the company of women. Let me now bring out certain points which women definitely find annoying in a man. Imagine your boyfriend calling you up every 15 minutes, when you are in the middle of a busy road. Regardless of how much you love your partner, this can become very irritating, as you would feel you are free to be on your own, due to the constant phone calls.
Now imagine you are on a first date and he starts talking about the amount of money that he has made in the stock markets or the new Ferrari that he has bought. I am sure more often than not a woman would not like to hear about these things on the first date.
While do talk about what they do for a living on first dates, it is usually considered annoying and ruse for someone to brag about their earnings. It is also likely (majority of the times) that a woman would not like a person who would show insensitivity towards her feelings. This is a mistake that many men make and women do not like this attitude from them.
There are many other factors that women generally do not like in men such as arrogance, lies, submissive behavior, etc.
Never ever show a woman that you have a weak character. This is one of the traits that women dislike in a man. It is a mistake that many men make by making a woman feel that he is ready to fall at her feet. Contrary to a man ,s thinking that a woman would appreciate it, women get annoyed with men who are too submissive and ready to do anything for her. This does not mean that a woman does not want a sensitive man who is open about his feelings, but it does mean that a woman still wants a man to be his own person, think for himself and claim what he wants from a relationship.
A woman, s relationship with a man is very delicate and she looks for a strong shoulder to rest her head.
A woman always likes a man who has a big heart and ready to share and care.
A self-centered man is rarely loved by women and more often than not will crave for female company.
You are setting yourself up for failure, if you show undue interest in other women when you are with a woman. This is a behavior that women dislike and will definitely put her off. Manipulative attitude is something that women dislike in a man. Hence, try to be as open in your behavior as possible and at the same time do not fall prey if she displays manipulative behavior. Keeping these points in mind, you can win over a woman.
Remember that love blossoms slowly and you need to give your woman time and space if you really want to win her over.
We have tried to explore few points that make a woman annoyed with a man. There may be many more and hence it is always advisable that you always be yourself when you are on your initial dates.
What do you want out of your personal life? Do you just want one short-term relationship after another? Are you waiting for the right guy to come along?
Well even if he does you probably won't even know it. Outlined below are the exact steps you need to make yourself into a vibrant, interesting, fun person; attract the man of your dreams; and help him commit to you. Please be patient and receptive.
Even if some ideas are "old news" to you, you will certainly learn a thing or two by the time you finish reading! The first few steps for finding a man are the most difficult ones. These are the steps that, when not attended to, will appear over and over again throughout the marriage, leading to arguments, suffering, or perhaps divorce. It's the one many women feel the most resistance to.
The reason for this? It requires not only time and energy, but a little bit of risk - by pursuing your desires or even just allowing yourself to dream, you expose yourself to the possibility of not getting them. Of trying and failing. And often, it's easier to say you don't want something because if you don't try, you never run the risk of being a failure.
The true failures in life, however, are people who end up resenting their lives or those around them because they never got the guts to go for their dreams. People don't regret failure. At the end of life, people regret the things they always wanted but never tried to do. Part of the resistance you feel will simply be because many women feel selfish pursuing their own passions.
However this self-sacrificing practice has been shown in research to be a high predictor for divorce. Sure, you will want to resist - but perhaps you should admit that you truly deserve to allow yourself to give this a shot, because in truth, you want a man who has done the same thing.
And, to tell you the truth, most men you would be attracted to do all of this without being asked, without feeling guilty for it - because it is not something to feel guilty about. The first thing to keep in mind as we begin to go over the concepts below is how men operate. (There are, of course, both feminine and masculine people of both genders.
For ease of use, we say "men and women" hereafter, but this can easily be applied to a "male or female" version of either sex, as typically, regardless of the sex, masculine energy is typically attracted to feminine. Here, we're referring to the masculine energy when we say "men".) On the average, men love action. They love doing. When something interests them, they'll do it. That makes them interesting and revitalizes them when they're drained - so they don't feel guilty about it. They have full lives, fun friends, great gadgets - all these things make men interesting to women. (Even when women hate their man's friends, these friends are typically a source of carefree fun for men.)
The second thing to keep in mind is the purpose of a relationship. Relationships - whether friendship or romantic - are first and foremost about someone who you enjoy being around. It's really that simple. When relationships deteriorate, it's because the people no longer enjoy each other. It is not enjoyable to be around anyone who is not respectful or who you can't trust. Even people who you may feel chemistry with are not always people who can make you happy. So to start the process -
Begin by just clearing the room of distractions and sitting down to imagine this scenario. Really sit back. Take a deep breath. Relax. Allow yourself to stop the resistance within you and just breathe. After taking just enough time to do this step, you can go back to your life and doubts. Now - imagine the following without fear or doubt.
Imagine - just for a moment - you had all the money in the world, no responsibilities at all, and anything you could want. The only work you have to do in this dream is work you choose to do because you enjoy it. Now - imagine what you would do each day, every day. You can have any position you want (from secretary to construction to lawyer to charity work), any hobbies you want (from woodcutter to runner). You can travel (France, Italy, China, Japan).
You can play any music instrument you like (guitar, piano, mandolin, drums), participate in any sport (soccer, kayaking, running, strength training), read anything (from science to literature), write anything (novels, poetry, music), do anything you want out in nature (hiking, studying herbs, birdwatching), have any type of spiritual experiences or just meditation, even just something as simple as gardening if you want. Make a list of all of the things you would do with your free time if you had the chance.
Next, make a list of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences you want. Traveling somewhere, skydiving, white water rafting, anything at all. The things you want to do before you die. Write down anything else you have passion for, you find fascinating, you really wish you were involved in.
Look at the lists in front of you. Right now, you're probably thinking, "Yeah, but I could never do that, because... (time, money, I'm scared, my mother, etc)." And that's the exact thought process that people have who never really find themselves satisfied. Instead, look at those things, go back over them, and circle 10 that bring an emotional response within you, that really strongly appeal to you regardless of how unattainable they are. Now, instead of saying, "I can't because..." say, "I will, and here's the plan!"
That exact attitude - known as the "winner's attitude" has been shown, again and again, to produce results. Now perhaps select one or two that are really impossible - becoming President (change it to getting involved in politics or studying politics, whatever fulfills your desire), for example, or stopping time.
Accept the possibility that you might not get them. But for all the others, NEVER accept the possibility that you will not try - because that is simply you giving up on yourself. 8. Those ten items you have written down - those are the keys. Those speak to you. Those things - as you begin to learn to do them, save money for them, study for them, work for them, whatever your plan may be, no matter how long you have to wait for them - those 10 things (AND the pursuit of them!) are what your passions are, what will make you interesting, vibrant, and full of youth - the very qualities you need to find a man.
The uncompromising pursuit of the things that inspire you will show a man that you have interests beyond just him - that, in itself, will make you interesting. Pursuing those passions is what we call "having a life" - an essential when you want a man to respect you. Now, yes, you may not get all 10. And you certainly should not take financial risks you cannot afford to lose for them (although making some sacrifices in daily expenditure can help).
But you will certainly find it very possible to commit to doing one or two as hobbies each week, even if the process of trying to learn them is embarrassing, even if your family won't support you, even if a guy asks you to schedule a date during that time. And especially, you will have one or two which you will work during your life to achieve, making a commitment to go skydiving or visit Italy no matter how many years it will take. You can do what you are "supposed to do" at work, if you want. But those 10 things - of those, hold on strongly to pursuing 5 of them for your whole life, or until you find you are no longer passionate about them. Because by making your dreams and passions a priority, you show a man that you believe your dreams matter. And because of that, he will respect you and believe your dreams matter, perhaps trying to help you achieve them.
If you're still wrestling with the feeling that you cannot do these things, there are experts in every possible field out there that have found a way to combat that excuse. Just go out and find a book to get you started. Here are some resources to help you. If you think you don't have enough time (everyone's favorite excuse!) check out flylady.net. If you think you do not have enough money, check out the books, "The Automatic Millionaire," "Miserly Moms," or "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". If you feel you are two shy, realize that it is not something you have to live with forever - that many people have overcome - and make a pledge to get rid of it. Start by just getting into the habit breathing, of being relaxed, then waiting no longer than 3 seconds to just say "hello" to people.
Next, make a point of going to public places each week and saying "hello" to 10 strangers a week. Gradually increase that to 20. Move on, when you're comfortable, to having simple conversations about things that do not involve either of you personally - usually a comment on the environment you're in. You'll learn overtime to deal with just about any personality type and learn not to care too much about what people think of you. Whatever else you find holding you back, face your fears, again and again, until you no longer fear them.
At this point, you might be saying - "Hey, I'm here to find a man!" Yup, you're right. But all of these steps are essential for combating one of the largest issues on the female side of relationships - the feeling of a void in your life that we incorrectly think is because of the lack of a man.
Well, guess what? Men can see that, too. And that internal void scares men away like nothing else. Men pursue their dreams. Because of that, many men go through life fulfilled, not needing women, simply enjoying sex, until one day around age 25 or 30 they feel ready to settle down and find a wife. On the other hand, very often women just pursue men instead of their dreams. That leaves a big gap. That puts all the responsibility for satisfaction in your life on a man. And that leads to the desperate, dramatic, and clingy behaviors that men run away from and that women hate when they see it in themselves.
continue to Get the Right Man-2
Forgiveness and Letting Go in Your Marriage or Relationship
Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a critical tool for a marriage relationship.
Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep yourself healthy both emotionally and physically.
Health Aspects of Forgiving
If you hold on to old hurts, disappointments, petty annoyances, betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more - hate and extreme bitterness.
Lack of forgiveness can wear you down.
Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either our physical and mental well being.
How to Forgive
* Be open.
* Make a decision to forgive your spouse.
* When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts.
* Don't throw an error or mistake back in your spouse's face at a later date. Don't use it as ammunition in an argument.
* Don't seek revenge or retribution. It will only extend the pain.
* Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression.
* Remember that forgiveness doesn't mean you condone the hurtful behavior.
* Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don't try to hurry the process.
* If you continue to be unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt, please seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive. Don't forget to praying for your marriage from your first time.
How to Ask for Forgiveness
* Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you've caused.
* Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your spouse again by repeating the hurtful behavior.
* Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt.
* Be open to making amends.
* Be patient with your spouse. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don't dismiss your spouse's feelings of betrayal by telling your spouse to "get over it."
Marriage Relationships Need Forgiveness
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they do not mean now and then.
Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven. No relationship, especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness.
Even though you may find it find it difficult to forgive, being able to forgive is crucial in marriage.
Knowing When Enough is Enough (in relationship) If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to say enough is enough and to end your relationship. In these situations, forgiveness for the past hurts may take longer and that is okay.
Knowing When Enough is Enough (in marriage) If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to ask help from consultant or your spiritual leader.Don't forget to pray. By His grace, you will have more understanding about your self and your spouse, and how to make solution next time.
From Sheri & Bob Stritof, with additions in some parts.
By Whitneay T. Vanwells In our counseling work with our clients here at FusionMasters TM Ltd., we have run into one main issue that keeps repeating itself. That issue is 'how to find true love'. Below are some of the reasons that we have received from our clients that they have found to block them on their journey to find true love.
1. Mother and Father programs. We all had someone, or a group of someone's that raised us. They had problems that someone gave to them in their early childhood. These subconscious blocks and programs, are handed down, through day today contact with the same people. Depending on who raised you, and what they carried, you also have the identical blocks and programs in your subconscious mind. Regardless of the fact that you might have said: "No matter what, I will not be like THEM! You inwardly, copied their deep subconscious beliefs, and recorded it in your own mind. When 2 people get married, they are generally O.K. for about a year. It is after this time, that the subconscious blocks and programs start to surface. Even if you have a true love relationship, or that possibility, this will happen. Soon, you are wondering who the heck you married. "I didn't notice THAT when we were dating!" Is a common statement, that we hear. But, what you really don't like about your partner, is their Mother and Father blocks and programs, their subconscious childhood programming. This programming is part of the karmic burden, that they are working on in this life time. And, the problems begin in a relationship, when these programs start to surface so that the person can work through them. And, who do we play these old programs on, but the very person, we love and trust the most, our mate.
2. The Munchkins. Next, a little passenger shows up. The parent programs that you transferred to your partner, you are now also saying and doing to your child. Sad. This is what you swore that you would never, ever, do! You might stuff some these programs, but when they come out you don't like what you are saying and doing and worse yet, you can't seem to stop! Tears come, or a new drinking habit materializes, because you just can't take it. You are now beginning to realize that you have a big problem, and the problem is inside. You try to stop. But, you soon find, yourself repeating the same copied rage over, and over again. You might mistreat your mate, you might mistreat your children, and you hate yourself for what you are doing, and saying. Most of the population never do any work on themselves, and a few start, and soon give up on therapy. Only to become a hardening copy, of their own parents over time. Most stay within this loss of identity for life, believing that there is no way out. This is the mind's way of keeping control.
3. Self Hatred. When you are not able to be yourself, and to communicate as yourself, you soon start a struggle with your mind, and ego. My husband also had a struggle with his mind, and his parents inside of him. We were a dysfunctional couple, and our little family was also dysfunctional. Neither of us realized that the whole world was based on dysfunctional programs, that were handed down from parents to children. We didn't know that the difficulties that we were experiencing, the neighbors next door were dealing with as well. In our childhood homes we had learned about rage, self hatred, and self anger. When rage, and self hatred live inside of us it takes up the space where self love could exist.
4. Divorce.At some point you reach the conclusion that your marriage sucks, and that you want out of it. You might have slept with someone else, or you new, favorite past time, might be bitching about what a loser your partner is. All women have universal man hating programs, and they are notorious for complaining to other women about their spouse. New fantasies about having sex or a relationship with someone new might become common place. Soon, one of you, either yourself or your spouse, is more fed up than the other, and goes to see a lawyer and files for divorce. Let the games begin. During the divorce process, and after the divorce, you might fluctuate between sadness, and lashing out at your ex-spouse....the person that you once believed walked on water. Some how, in your confusion and pain, you forgot who your partner was, who you are, and who your children are. The problem is still inside.
5. The Warehouse. There is a second, Big 'D'. That would be known as depression. Depression, is really just another name for anger, and for feeling used, let down or betrayed. The trust was broken in the relationship but, most likely by both parties. A deep hurt prevails. At the center of this vast hurt, is what We call the "Warehouse". The warehouse is the store room of all your past life hurts and this life hurts. When we go through a big trauma, like a divorce, this warehouse opens up. That is why the pain can be excruciating. You are not only feeling the loss of love from the adult relationship dying, you are also feeling ALL of your childhood hurts, and even past life pain. The pain is excruciating, and over overwhelming. If you have abandonment issues, you might also feel, the severe loss of love, from your early childhood.
6. The Cross Roads. Now you come to a new place in your life. You can continue to create more of the same, and end up going through a second divorce with someone that will most likely be very much like your first partner........Or. You might turn to a new religion. This may not be a religious path like becoming a member of the Catholic Church. This is a new, inner, religion is to find out: "Who The Heck Am I?" This is not an ordinary religion. This religion has to do with finding the true altar within, your true Self. You looked for you, in money, and for some reason, you weren't there. You looked for you, in your work, and again, you were not there. You looked for you in a life partner, and the above story blew that away. But, some place, inside of you, on one of those very dark nights, when you thought you might be better off to just "check out", something very good happened. Maybe in the dark of the night, came one of those Great Souls from the other side, who whispered gentle divine messages to you. Messages, that you thought were your own thoughts. Whatever method Spirit chose to talk to you, you were given the gift of 'the cross roads'. The cross roads, is the realization that you have the choice to either create more chaos in your life or that you can turn your attention towards discovering your own identity.
7. The Seeker. Perhaps you have come to this web site, because you are looking. You are looking for love, or your are looking for self love. You might have been on the path for a long time, or maybe a year or two. You might just be starting to look for you, now. You have many battle scars on your heart, but you forge ahead. You are now, 10 times the person that you were when you were a small child, though you may not be at all aware of the changes in yourself. To become the receiver of love, you know that you will have to work on learning to give real love. You might be a meditator, a member of a new age religion, or you have attended a ton of personal growth seminars. You might be at a point where you could give a seminar. And, it would most likely be a good one. You have been through many battles of the ego, and you have won battles, and others, you are still fighting. You finally realized that to have, and keep true love, that you had to develop a love relationship with YOU, first. You are now the Knight, no matter if you are male or female, and you are ready to receive true love.
8. Is Some Body Out There! You are now a prime candidate for a true love relationship. But, there is one last hurdle, to jump over. Because of all of the work that you have done on your SELF, you are now too far above the majority of the population. You are not willing to accept a partner that has not done the same work, that you have done. That would be going down hill. And, people like you, are very hard to find. Celibacy, is not your cup of tea. You miss touch terribly. But, you would rather be celibate, and have a great time in the shower, than hook up with a partner, that doesn't know who the heck THEY ARE. But, you realize that you are on the last part of your Journey and you also know that you only need 1 person, and only 1, and that they are out THERE. And, they are looking for YOU.
9. True Love. By now, you might have learned to love, and care for yourself. You get bummed out sometimes but you know that everyone does. You take responsibility for your emotions, and your life. You care about you. You might even know something about unconditional love. You are now ready, so in walks your life partner ... Like attracts like, and like you, they are thrilled. They knew that they had to do their homework. They knew about the cross roads, and the effort that it takes to become a magnet for love. Like you, they found the religion of the Self, and worked hard to unravel the ego. Like you, they would not settle for less, they waited, and searched. Like you, they are in ecstasy, knowing that they really have found "The One" - YOU! You are realizing a dream, your wish made manifest after so many painful years of searching. Now, the 2 of you can share the real Journey, the Journey Home to God.
Your Life Journey, might have other twists than the above story. You might have loved yourself enough to NOT have to go through some of these stages. Maybe you went through them in another life. You might be experiencing one of these stages right now. You might have already found true love. For those of those of you that have found true love, you already have your Blessings. For those of you, who are on the Journey to find your True Love....... you have ours.
Of all the misconceptions about love the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that 'falling in love' is love or at least one of the manifestations of love.
It is a potent misconception because falling in love is subjectively experienced in a very powerful fashion as an experience of love. When a person falls in love what he or she certainly feels is "I love him" or "I love her."
But two problems are immediately apparent.
The first is that the experience of falling in love is specifically a sex-lined erotic experience. We do not fall in love with our children though we may love them very deeply. We do not fall in love with our friends of the same sex - unless we are homosexual oriented - even though we may care for them greatly. We fall in love only when we are consciously or unconsciously sexually motivated.Do you agree or not?
The second problem is that the experience of falling in love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say that we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fell in love. But it is to say that the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling in love always passes.
"To understand the nature of the phenomenon of falling in love and the inevitability of its ending, it is nescessary to examine the nature of what psychiatrists call ego boundaries." At infantry, we can't seem to separate the universe from ourselves, there was no identity as to what we are and what we are not, what are mine and what is not. We came to accept our size, physical limits, and power. The knowledge to this limit is call "ego boundary". As we grow up to young adult, we find that we are separate individuals, isolated from others, confined by physical limits and power, relatively small and weak function of the society. Our ego boundaries are harden, our world became colder, more confusing and hostile. It is very lonely and sometime painful to be confine within one's boundary. We seek to escape the wall of individual identities so that we feel more unified with the world out side of ourselves.
" The experience of falling in love allows us this escape- temporarily. The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundary is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and our beloved are one! Loneliness no more!"
This experience of merging with someone reflects the feeling we had when we were with our mom at infantry. Being united with the 'loved' one made us feel like the world once again revolves around us.
The power that we had to give up when we were kids is back to us again, we are now powerful, the future is bright, and nothing is impossible anymore. Superhero days are back to us once again. "The unreality of these feelings when we have fallen in love is essentially the same as the unreality of the 2 year old who feels itself to be the king of the family and the world with power unlimited."
Reality bites. Sooner or later, in response to the problems of daily living, individual will reasserts itself. He wants to have sex; she doesn't. She wants to go to the movies; he doesn't.. etc. Each person realized that they are no longer "one" with the partner and that the other has their own wishes and desires. Eventually the ego boundary get set back in their own place, gradually or suddenly, we fall out of love. We are back to separate individual. From here, they either break up the relationship or begin the "real" work of "loving".
"Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits or boundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them. The extension of one's limit requires effort; falling in love is effortless. Lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones. Once the precious moment of falling in love has passed and the boundaries have snapped back into place, the individual may be disillusioned, but is usually none the larger for the experience. When limits are extended or stretched, however, they tend to stay stretched. Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not."
Falling in love has little to do with purposively nurturing one's spiritual development. If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps insure this result through marriage. Certainly we are not thinking of spiritual development. Indeed, after we have fallen in love and before we have fallen out of love again we feel that we have arrived, that the heights have been attained, that there is both no need and no possibility of going higher. We do not feel ourselves to be in any need of development; we are totally content to be where we are. Our spirit is at peace. Nor do we perceive our beloved as being in need of spiritual development. To the contrary, we perceive him or her as perfect, as having been perfected. If we see any faults in our beloved, we perceive them as insignificant -little quirks or darling eccentricities that only add color and charm.
So what is real love if falling in love is merely a temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries?
" The experience of real love also has to do with ego boundaries, since it involves an extension of one's limit. One's limits are one's ego boundaries. When we extend our limits through love, we do so by reaching out, so to speak, toward the beloved, whose growth we wish to nurture."
"The act of many years of loving, of extending our limits is a progressive act of enlargement of self, incorporating the world around us, a stretching and a thinning of our ego boundaries. In this way the more and longer we extend ourselves, the more we love, the more blurred becomes the distinction between the self and the world. We become identified with the world. And as our ego boundaries thinned, we begin more and more toe the same sort of feeling of ecstasy that we have when our ego boundaries partially collapse and we 'fall in love.' Only, instead of having merged temporarily and unrealistically with a single beloved object we have merged realistically and more permanently with much of the world. This mystical union with the world, although is more gentle and less dramatic than falling in love, it is much more stable and lasting."
So what is love?
Love is perhaps too large/deep to be understand/describe by words, but in this context love is: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spritual growth."
The process of extending one self is an evolution process, where you grow as a human being. When a person is willing and sucessfully extending one's limit, even for other people's spritual growth, they themselves have grown to be a larger state of being. The process is never ending and very satisfying.
As we've heard, one can't love others unless one learns to love oneself first. We can't be a source of strength unless we established our own strength. So self-love and love for other has to exist together, not as a separate function.
This act of extending, which means going beyond one's limit, suggest that it requires effort. "When we love someone our love becomes demonstrable or real only through our exertion - through the fact that som for that someone ( or for ourself) we take an extra step of walk an extramile. Love is not effortless. To the contrary, love is effortful."
Above quotes and extraction are from M. Scott Peck, M.D. from his book, "The road less travelled, A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spritual Growth". There's much more to this topic than I can put in this article, but I do realized how short the netter's attentionspan is, so.. go grab the book, it's a valuable mind asset to aquire.
I hope you find "real love", an eventual total collapse of one's ego boundaries. It isn't easy, to break down our ego boundaries. We must find ourselves and our identity before we can transcend it. You might find temporial escape from ego boundaries when you "fall in love", sexual intercourse, or use a cirtain psychoactive drugs, but that's just a small glimse of nirvana, not nirvana itself.
It takes commitment and effort in exercising real love to reach a lasting enlightenment. Only then, you'll not only find that you are no longer a separation of any other entity and that you are oneness with the universe, but the perception of discrete object, separated from one another is an illusion. Its like being back to infantry again. The world would be as much more peaceful and 'loving'.
written by M. Scott Peck, extracted and recomposed by Yunike Andreas.
This may be the most important article you’ll read about dealing with your husband’s affair. There’s plenty of information available on what to do if your husband is cheating. But very little has been written about the things you shouldn’t do.
Your husband is cheating. You’re not sure what to do. Before wrestling with that decision, let’s focus first on what you SHOULDN’T do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they later regret -- things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they may later receive.
This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad situation worse. Let’s look at 5 key things you SHOULDN’T do and examine the reasons why.
1. Don’t put him out or leave him - yet.
Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it’s the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what’s going on. It’ll be easier to do that if the two of you are still living under the same roof. If you put him out or leave, you’ll be hard-pressed to know what he’s doing, short of hiring an investigator. As long as you’re still together, you can keep your finger on the pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There’s a lot you need to know about the situation before you can make an intelligent decision about what to do. Continue monitoring your husband’s activities, attitude, the frequency of his contact with his lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he’s still there, you have a chance to work things out.
2. Don’t tell the whole world about his infidelity.
It’s natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband’s affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the “other woman.” Make sure you’re confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband’s affair could complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they’re in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband’s friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not take you seriously, or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren’t the only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they’ve been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband’s affair.
3. Don’t ignore his affair or pretend it’s not happening.
Going into denial will only make matters worse. As traumatic as it is to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the go-ahead to continue his affair. Pretending it’s not happening will make him think he’s getting away with his cheating, or give him the impression that he has your silent approval. At some point you should inform your husband that you know about his affair and make it clear that you want it to stop. The sooner you confront him about his cheating, the better. The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the more attached he will become to the other woman. And the harder it will be to get your marriage back on track. Remember too, that affairs thrive in secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you know about it, will be enough to put a stop to his affair.
4. Don’t confront him without the 3 P’s – Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose.
Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. DO NOT ask your husband if he’s cheating. CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Present the evidence you’ve gathered that proves he’s having an affair - names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it’s been going on, how he feels about the other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you’ll be able to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT PROOF OF HIS INFIDELITY. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he’s been cheating, the information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. If you need proof, there’s a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software or surveillance equipment. “Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs” will help you find all the proof you need using only your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and the information in this book.
5. Don’t waste your time and energy on the other woman.
One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other woman. It’s natural for you to be curious about her, but she’s not worth your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs. Don’t obsess over the details of what happened between the two them. Concentrate on working things out between the two of you.
Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She’s not obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling the her will only make your husband come to her defense. You’ll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart Forget about the other woman and focus your energy and efforts on getting your marriage back on track.
Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final outcome depends on the way you handle things when you first discover your husband’s affair. In the initial stages, you may be unsure exactly what you’re going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes, leaves the way clear for whatever decision you eventually make.
© 2003 by Ruth Houston
Yahoo! Personals Canada About The Author:
Ruth Houston is the author of “Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs.” To learn more about her book, sign up for her infidelity newsletter, or receive a FREE Infidelity report and list of 29 Telltale Signs, visit her website at http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or mailto: CheatingSigns@aol.com
Based on what has happened to us, maybe there is trauma, sometimes, "fear to love the new one" shadowing us. Do you ever feel this too? Read this article, i believe, after that, we would find, there is new fresh thing come in to your heart.
True love?
"I love you" – the three magic words which keep the world going round.
How many times have we said "I love You" to the person who have stepped into our lives with some magic. Still, we can not imagine, how's that feeling come to us. And how many times have we heard it ourselves? Why do we say "I love You" – what do we mean by it really ?
Do we say because it’s the normal thing to say, because for the sake of saying it only, because we have nothing else to say or is it that the words are music to the ears of that other person. What do you understand of the meaning of true love? And where do you find it ? Before hunting for the answers, let us first recap of our own understanding of the word Love.
True Love is strictly a low of warm energy that bonds two people in a sharing and common relationship, on a single platform. If a relationship is a tiny sapling, love is the water of life which makes it grow into a mammoth.
So if love is that secret life force, life energy, and its freely available in all our hearts, why are so miserly to give it ? Is it our fear of loss, feeling of insecurity or vulnerability that holds us back?
If you look carefully, love is something that grows inside us. It does not grow on trees that you pick at random when you want it. To be able to get love, we must learn how to give it first. Love exists in the deepest part of all our souls, as a jewel or a lamp that needs to be kindled for the energy to flow out.
If you start by having a closer re-look at your self, think how much love do you have for your own self? How far do you accept your self the way you are?
The quantum of love that you attract from those around you is exactly the same amount you give away. We mirror what is already existing in our souls. Never expect love from something, if you don’t have love for it your self.
This brings us to the critical question – are you prepared enough to fall in love ? Can you let go of your ego, pride and insecurities, and be ready just to give ?
Don’t hold back your love for the fear of hurt, just because you lost out on one relationship. Stopping to love is equal to stopping to love yourself. While we look for love, its management, and the consequent happiness is in our hands. So open up your mind’s eyes and let love roll in.
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Friends, Are you Christian? this below, i just want to share some verses, that has brighten my gray day up . From Isaiah 43:18-19 "Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert." (KJV)
1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."(KJV)
Here are opinions:
* Love differs from heart to heart, love can be good and can be bad. To love and be loved is the perefect ingredients to happiness but to love and not be loved will be a darkness in your soul. Being in love is like a drop of water after years of draught, it eases your souls agonies of life. Being in love is a feeling not all humans will experience. So if you have it cherish.......just love it..BIGSAL
* i think love is never tired of waiting; love is kind; love has no envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no pride; love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly made angry, it keeps no accounts of wrong; it takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in what is true; love has the power of undergoing all things, having faith in all things, hoping all things. though the prophet's word may come to an end, tongues come to nothing, and knowledge have no more value, love has no end.
* Love has never been defined since man began, so we have to use our own hearts and minds to decide. Love isn't all about looking at a good looking woman/man and hearing fireworks go off all the time. That's usually physical attraction, but it's normal at the beginning of our relationship. Love is respect, wanting to help that person in any aspect of their lives; protect them from harm's way; knowing that each other will be there 100%; feeling safe with that person; proud of being with them; sharing your hopes and dreams together; and my favorite ... feeling like you can conquer the world together! Knowing you will be together no matter what and continue on until the day you pass away. Now that's love to me!
* The Meaning of Love and being in Love is and this is from my opinion: When two people care for each other so much that they would not let nothing or no one get in there way of being together. And they will go to the end of the world to be with each other and do anything for one another. But no one can explain Love. There is no explantion only what u would call Love.
* well im only 15 but from my opinion of love I just look at me and my boyfriend as a perfect example. Well sometimes we argue and fight but no matter what we always find some kind of way to make up. If you love some one then you trust them, you can count on them when you need them most. Fine things mean nothing but time means everything. You should be able to tell eachother everything. If you never argue then thats not love. And there really is no true definition of love because everyone feels different about the person they love.
* The person who said-- You love somebody if you care for them more than you care for yourself. You love somebody when you would rather make them happy then your self happy-- you were absolutely right. Love can be described by that. If your own wants and needs dont matter to you as long as that person is okay, than that is true love
* I believe that love can be described in more ways than one and there sure are different kinds of love you feel for someone but when you can't eat and can't sleep because all you think about is that special someone than you are definately in love. Ever sit on the couch thinking your going to relax and read a book or something and you look down and your on page 10 of the book but because your mind is thinking about the person you just can't seem to get your mind off of you have to go all the way back to page number one.....or you have a date with that special someone and when you glance at him/her for the first time that night your stomach knots with butterflies and you suddenly feel so sick because there's the man(woman) of your dreams standing in front of you....my defintion of love is when you can't wait to see that person again; when you get dropped off at home but run for the phone just so you can hear their voice once again; when you would give anything to be together just five more minutes; you trust them with all of your heart; your comfortable together and know you could talk about anyhting; you are there for each other no matter what good or bad; you stand beside them proudly with confidence and last but definately not least, sharing speacial moments that one day you know will make wonderful memories to look back on and share with the ones you love the most.
* True love is when one cares about someone else's well being as much as one cares about one's own. Making someone else happy is certainly important, and yet one's own happiness in addition to that and as a result of that is what genuinely is true. True love stands together in equality and balance to what is honest, true and caring and not only about romantic love. It is a kindness of heart, soul, and mind. True love can be definited and is also a given, known and reciprocated when two people "share" in it.
* To me love is putting up with the arguments with that person and arguing your family down for them. Love is always being there but I don't think when you love some one you should love them more than your self because that is totally unhealty.
* Love is a feeling, an emotion that cannot be explained. Either you feel it or you don't. We call it 'love' because there is no explanation for it. It is not a rational, predetermined action. When you can't rationalize that feeling then you call it love.
* Love has no meaning at all! It is the very essence of our being, It is Life itself.
* "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserveres. Love never fails!"
* The meaning of love and being loved? I don't think anyone can explain it, love is not something that can be explained it is a feeling that each and everyone should feel at least once in their life (hopefully). Of course it can be expressed but as for explained well it is difficult as everyones love is different. Love is a feeling that only the 2 people involved can understand, and if you dont understand it yet then just wait. Don't try to find a meaning for something which you cant. Love is everywhere it is something to be found and then understand, not explained. There is no explaination that is anywhere near what loving someone and being loved by the same person, truly is.
I would also like to add a very precise addition to this area that's maybe not so closely associated to the term 'love': I read somewhere that "girls don't want to be the object of adventure only, but rather be part of a joint adventure that the two in a couple can share." So that's a lot like having the feeling of "conquering the world," from above. Maybe that could be called 'freedom' too, which is a highly treasurable feeling to have. Most girls seem to have some pretty good ideas of what they want and maybe more often than not also some ideals for the future. But I do have a theory that love lets many girls become very flexible and often able to adapt to a man who's able to lead. This way, some level of selfishness and target-mindedness can actually become good abilities for a man. I think many girls/ladies may have a life of serial-disappointment if- although they don't know of any alternative sometimes- being forced to attain a "survivor"- role, controlling everything in the lives of a couple, for instance with a man who can't take any initiative. So being kind, sacrficing oneself entirely for the good of another, makes oneself of little value to love.
* I work in a nursing home, where over the years i have seen some of the most touching displays of love. For example, I used to work with a little old lady about age 87 with advanced stage alzheimers. She couldn't speak but would still smile at you all day l. Her husband, who was of sound mind, would come every single day, rain or shine, to sit and walk around with her. The person she used to be is completely gone and yet he still is by her side every day. At the risk of sounding maudlin, if thats not true love than I dont know what is. I can only hope to be so lucky one day!
Sometimes whatever small intrigue gained in the begining turns into your reason "to be", one kiss breaks barriers. Smashing everything and anything you are, you loose yourself in that single moment forgetting where you are, who you are. For only one moment you feel more than you have ever felt, your infractions do not exist. Your doubts are gone...everything, but only one feeling resides in you head. That you have found perfection, bliss and eternity.
I agree, i should be so lucky one day.
* In My opinion Love is the great obession or passion for another sole being. The feeling that you cannot live without them, or you wouldnt imagine a world without them. They also fill you with joy. You even argue with this person, but always seem to get through. You look out for this person, and never let them in harms way. Once you feel that for another person, then you'll know the true meaning of love..
I myself have found this....
that love is the ultimatum between everything. love is what makes the world spin and what also can make your head spin. if you've never been in love than you don't know what i speak of, but that's what love is. when you're truly in love, your head spins, your hearts skips a beat and everything is perfect. when you're with the one you love, you feel like nothing bad can happen to you. when you're with the one you love, you're home. it's perfection. that's what love is to me.
♥
* == On a darkest night
looking to the Stars
I asked to the Hights: What love is? Where love is?
A sweet voice I heard
coming from the Sky: "Just look for it, you will find it..."
To the Stars I claimed: "Thousand times I've tried...:
Love there is not, illusion is just"
Then a radiant light
from the Heights flashed down
it brighted me up,
Love has been seeing by me: Love is an inner Force
emanated from hearts: it's a noble Virtue
given to us by God...
I kneelled down, of joy I have cried: and I thanked God for this Wonder Love...! ==
Being in love is Infatuation that someone experiences for another person after it becomes a sense of security which is often built by trust, comfortablity, and excitement.
