Why I Love You

Why I Love You
Figure this: You are giving a bouquet of gorgeous roses to your beloved. You expect a generous hug, a peck on the cheek, or at least a warm "thank you".
Instead you are asked, "Why do you love me?" To answer these spur of the moment questions, we bring you reasons to love someone. So prepare yourself with these "reasons for loving you" and answer the question that begins with reasons why I love you! Given here are top 20 of the most popular reasons that we came up, to answer this often asked question.

* You complete me.
* You give the word Perfect a new meaning
* I can be myself when I am with you
* You bring out the best in me.
* Just a sight of you lifts my up spirits.
* You have taught me what it is to love and be loved.
* I can be clumsy and foolish when I am with you, yet know that your love for me will never diminish.
* Your smile is enough to make a dull day seem bright as sun.
* Being in your arms makes me feel like I can never be lost again.
* Ever since you have come into my life, I yearn to come back home and see your lovely smile.
* Your innocence makes me forget all shady things of this world.
* I love the way you get angry whenever I am late; yet wait for me for as long as it takes.
* You have given meaning to my existence.
* I love the way your face glows whenever I gift you something.
* You are the only one who can make me smile even in my deepest sorrows.
* I respect the faith you have in me and love you for it.
* I love the calm look on your face when you are sleeping.
* I love waking up in the morning and finding you by my side.
* I get lost in the depth of your mysterious eyes.
* I can fight against the world because I know you will be by my side always.
taken from here.

Show you like him

Sneaky Ways to Show Him You're Interested
None of them are lame...SWEAR

You have a crush on a guy in Spanish class (!Tu eres muy caliente!). You're dying to make a move, but you don't know how he'll react. He could laugh in your face. Or, start avoiding you like you're yesterday's cafeteria lunch. If only you could let this cutie know you like him without looking like a total fool.

the web of mystery
IMs can start out so innocently, but quickly evolve into fierce flirtations.
what to do: When you see your cutie log on, grab his attention by tossing out a question about homework. Be sure to make it an open-ended one like, "How do you think you did on that science test?" If he seems like he's up for chatting, respond with a flirty line like, "I wanna go to the party on Friday, but my parents have plans, so I'm not sure how I'd get there." But if he replies, "I dunno," and nothing else, then he may not be interested. Or, maybe he has a case of writer's block, so try tossing out one more question just to be sure. No response? Next! There are plenty more cute boys out there.
(But first of all, make sure that you serious , i mean, intend to him. I'm not talking about short-term relationship in my blog. I just put something to force you a serious relationship to marriage. ^^Hope this work well for you^^ )

why this works:
Your crush can't see you, so you never have to worry if your blush-prone face turns the color of a candied apple. You also don't have to stress about coming up with something witty on the spot-IM etiquette allows you at least a few minutes to think of a clever comeback. If he doesn't play along after a couple of tries, pound out a quick buh-bye and get outta there.

the look of love

Hey, they don't call them "the windows to the soul" for nothing. Your eyes are the best way to send out a silent-but strong-message. When you let a glance linger a few seconds longer, the message is, "I see you. I like you. Let me rock your world."
Warning: Not all eye contact is -created equal. The signal you're sending him has to be just right.
what to do: First, your glance should start at his brow, move down to his cheekbones and, finally, let your look land around his chin. Every few seconds, meet his eyes again (you might even toss in a smile), then continue scanning his face. This needs to be quick and smooth, and only last about seven or eight seconds. Don't stare because that can seem a little, uh, psycho. He'll notice that you've checked him out, but he won't feel stared down.
why this works: Because you won't have to utter a single word, this approach is ideal for even the shyest girl. If your dude sends back vibes that he's not at all interested (like looking away or seeming bored), it's no big deal. Hey, you never actually said that you liked him, right?
----taken from here with some modification on some parts.

Into you or not?

It is said that the love of a man for woman could be recognized very easily but it is very difficult to define it.

There are no clear-cut formulae to explain love. However, here are a few tips that had been provided by people who are supposed to be knowledgeable in matters of love.

* The man can't seem to stop talking to you everyday.
* He is not dating anybody else except you.
* He starts treating your mother the way he treats his own mother.
* He starts using possessive words like "we", "our", and "us" more during conversations with you, particularly when he is talking about the future.
* He is keeping a photo of yours on his desk.
* He starts keeping your favorite food items in his refrigerator.
* He bestows top priority to you over his work and other relationships.
* He keeps saying nice things about you when he talks to his friends.
* He does all your errands without the least hesitation.
* He keeps looking at you in the most admiring way even when prettier women are around.

Remember that love in real life is not as easy as it is shown in movies.

When a man is in love with you, the chances of breaking up are much higher. Even ordinary actions assume enormous importance in love, whether they are positive or negative. Hence, when you think that a man is in love with you, you should handle the entire matter with kid gloves.

Start taking a genuine interest in what he likes and dislikes, his tastes, habits, etc. It helps you in understanding him better. Further, with such knowledge, you would be able to avoid rubbing him the wrong way, which is as important as pleasing him. When a man loves you, he starts giving lot of importance to you. Open flirting might not always mean that the man loves you but the bestowal of more attention to what you say and what you like is a definite sign of love. He would hasten to act all your requests, irrespective of the time of the day. Even if you call him at 2-00 a.m. in the morning and tell him that you have headache but out of stock of the medication, he would rush to a 24-hour drugstore, get the medicine and come to your place with that.

It is very difficult for men to show their love in an open manner. Even the most courageous man would become a coward when it comes to the woman he loves. His speech would be halting and hesitant. He would start to say something, stop, think it over again and then utter what is in his mind.

It is because he is just getting to know you better and still not sure whether you would like what he says. Even though women are usually more guarded in the initial stages, men are equally nervous around the women they love. However, the man who is in love with you would take extra steps in pleasing you. He would groom his hair and straighten his dress more often, when he is with you. Such acts reveal that he wants to look good for you.

Take a mental note of them. He would talk to you in a low voice so that others would not be able to hear what he says. This would mean that he wants the conversation to be exclusively between him and you. He would compliment you not only in person but also to his friends. He would speak highly of you to others. He would go the extra mile in showing respect to your mother, if you happen to introduce her to him. He would call you several times a day without any special reason.

Whenever he is talking about the future, he would tend to use words like "we", "us", and "our" than "I", "me", and "mine". Use of such words is a sure sign of his planning a future long-term relationship with you. He would be keeping your photo on his work desk as well as in his room. He would be stocking all the food and beverage items that you like, so that you are not disappointed at any time, if you are hungry when you are at his place. He would tend to look at you in an admiring way whenever he is with you.

While you are leaving, he would keep looking at your back till you disappear from his view. He would arrive early for a meeting and would leave after you, if he is not accompanying you to your place. Even when he drops you at your home, he would wait till you have entered the house and closed the door before leaving. All these telltale signs would definitely show that the man is in love with you and desires a long-term relationship with you. Act positively and let not this chance pass you by.

Choose The Right Man For You

by freedating datingsitecash

1. Choosing the obvious ones to avoid: addicts, childabusers, chronic gamblers, felons, “boys”, etc. If you always fall in love with the wrong type of men, you should get help. Please seek it. You need to fall in love with the right person

2. Going by sexual attraction alone. That’s a choice your reptilian brain is making which is to say not a choice at all. “Choosing” means weighing alternatives and being rational. Never in life do you want your reptilian brain in charge. It doesn’t “think.”

3. Choosing based on external qualities alone. It’s nice if he’s a hot hunk, but not if he's just another pretty face. Are you choosing a 37' powerboat instead of a man who owns one? His face will change. His toys may disappear. It's "for better or for worse," not "for as long as he can buy me Gucci handbags.” Seek TRUE love!

4. Rushing. Date him long enough to go through actual situations that test what you can't see and touch -- his values, priorities, manners, morals, and interests.

At first you’ll go to hockey games, WWF matches and beer drinking just to be with him, right? Do you really see yourself doing these things every weekend for the rest of your life?

On the same point, is he being nice to your kids just to get to you? Is he willing to go shopping with you and to the museums? Only time will tell.

5. Rushing. Give it time so he can sort out his feelings. Men tend to go from desire to action without thinking .This is why we see them make such poor choices in women, and then do the same thing again. You may be sure, but is he? Follow your heart AND your brain.

6. Rushing. You need time because even a workaholic will give you attention 24/7 at first. Only 6 months down the line will you discover that once he’s “got you,” and knows you love him, so he neglects you. Work comes first, then his golf. He’ll call you when it’s your turn.

7. Not checking out his attitude toward women.
How does he treat his mother? Your friends? His sister?

8. Trusting only your intellect. This means gathering facts, reading experts, not checking in with your intuition, and listening to advice blindly without looking into your heart as well.

Let’s say your best friend, who’s very perceptive, tells you he’s a womanizer. I’d give that some weight, but I’d check it out myself. It won't be hard. Give it time, stay awake and you’ll see.

Another example – You made the list of what you wanted. There he is in front of you, lacking 3 of the 6 items on your list, but you adore him. You really click. That’s a good time to go back and rethink your list. You’re alway sentitled to change your mind.

9. Trusting only your feelings. Come now, do you really think you can make a life with someone who is (admittedly) darling and sexy BUT hates your religion, has different morals and ethics than you do, has already alienated your father, wants kids while you don’t, refuses to “let” you work, and has already ordered you to get rid of your cat? This is like allowing yourself to fall in love with a married man. Just go stick an ice pick in your eyeball instead.

10. Misunderstanding the nature of feelings. Our emotions give us information. They don’t demand behavior. When I was a teenager I was dating a creep. My father told me I had to quit seeing him. “But I love him,” I said. Said he: “Love someone else.” No, you can’t manufacture feelings, but neither do they have to be acted upon. They can be taken “under advisement” and thought through.

Write a Love poem...

How to Write a Love Poem

For the cash-strapped, or romantically inclined, writing a sincere, well thought out love poem may be just the ticket to your loved one's heart.

It is easy to express your true feelings and thoughts in free-verse or rhyme.

You don't need to be a Shelley or Browning to write a great poem.
All it takes is sincerity, effort, a loving feeling and something to write with.

1. Write a page of standard prose, as fast as you can, about how you felt the first time you saw your loved one,
how you felt the first time you knew you were in love,
and how you feel right now about being together.
These three moments in time will create the structure of your poem.

2. Replace any weak verbs with stronger verbs and any pronouns with proper nouns.
Words depicting the 5 senses work well for love poems.

3. Reread your passage and pick a metaphor to tie the three moments together.
Choosing a metaphor is the most fun part so be wild with it.
An opening flower is a tried and true metaphor for love, but a cloud that looks like a heart might work even better.

4. Rewrite your passage using the metaphor to describe the three moments.

5. Read your page aloud, change things that sounds "off" to you. Make notes where you feel there's a pause in the flow.

6. Write the poem, putting a line breaks where you made the notes.

7. Whether you type or write the poem consider framing your poem. Your loved one may want to keep the poem as a memento!

8. Read the poem aloud to the person you love, or present it as a gift to them. Tips * Who knows—you may just write the "Greatest Poem Ever".
Just remember your poem is for the one you love. So make it personal and sensual.


* Think about your 'love',
how you feel when you are together or apart,
what you miss most when you're apart, how you feel when you reunite.
Write your thoughts and feelings.
Poetry comes from your heart—your thoughts will create a love poem based on your feelings.

* There's no need to be intimidated by rhyme schemes.
Remember, poetry doesn't have to rhyme.
Former Poets Laureate Robert Pinsky and Louise Gluck and current Poet Laureate Ted Kooser all write poetry that does not rhyme.

* The best writing advice is simple: omit needless words. One strong verb steamrolls any three weak ones.

* Poetry and almost all artful prose is about how the words reveal your feelings. Read your writings aloud to yourself to feel what your words are saying. If they stir emotion in you, they will for the person you love.

* Make it personal. If your love is named Kim or Vern try to use it. Don't use cliches', find something unique or special in your relationship and write about that. Your poem should be a reflection of the love you both share.

* One useful tip for any kind of poem is to "write it twice: first with the heart, then with your brain". Express your feelings without sounding corny.

* Read poems for ideas but "Do not copy them" it will get you nothing, and your loved one may find out.

* It's FINE to quote an existing poem. Just include the original author's name and say something like, "I thought of you when I read this."

* Some people are more poetic than others when it comes to expressing emotions, don't give yourself a report card, your poem doesn't need to be perfect just yours. A short, simple, romantic phrase or rhyme from your heart can be put in with a small gift to give your loved one. E.G. "I hope this gift will let you see ...how much, my love, you mean to me...

* A poem that can be written in prose isn't a poem, so don't follow the method of writing a huge block of prose, cleaning it up, and then cutting it arbitrarily into lines. Learn to write real poetry in meter--that will show your lover real dedication and effort.

* Recognize that this is only ONE way of writing a poem. Google "love poem" for a million others. The issue here is not how good a poem it is, it's how much emotion it evokes in your partner. You don't have to stick to the night you met. Try other powerful moments, for example the evening you two walked together just before the birth of your first child, the time you two got caught in the rain, clutching his/her hand on the roller coaster, etc. etc.

* If you want to rhyme, there are great rhyming dictionaries on the internet. Try to stay away from one syllable words and try making every other line rhyme.

* Golden Rule: If you are sincere, your partner will LOVE it. Guaranteed. * Do not talk about raw sex in your poem.

* You don't have to ignore sex either. Look at the work of e e cummings for example. Sex is a part of many romantic relationships and is as raw or refined as the partners themselves, e.g. Jose Nunez "Bilingual"
-from WikiHow
ok, good luck then

Is it Love, Infatuation, or Lust ??

While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction between love, lust and infatuation clearer for yourself.

Steps

1. 

   Could it be love?
   Write down everything that you associate with the person you're feeling strongly about. Example words on your brainstorm list could include love, butterflies, sex, holding hands, annoying snoring, gorgeous, etc.
2. Circle each attribute with a different color such as red for lust, yellow for infatuation, and green for love.
3. See which of the three feelings dominates the page. If one doesn't stand out (like if the distribution seems pretty equal), move on to the following steps for more insight.
4. Or is it lust?
   Read literature on the topic. Questions aboutare timeless questions that have consumed mankind throughout the ages and are a major theme in many scriptures, tales from mythology, and literature. Read the story of David and Bathsheba from the Old Testament, 1st Corinthians from the New Testament, the story of Ali and Fatima, Echo and Narcissus, or Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
5. Ask your friends or, if you find it easier, ask a complete and utter stranger, so that you get an honest opinion and an outsider's point of view. Tell that person how you feel, and ask them if it sounds primarily like love, infatuation, or lust.
6. Watch a movie that relates to your situation like "Cruel Intentions" (which is about lust, and wanting what you can't have), "Down to You" (which is about love and leaving it all down to the other person), "How to lose guys in 10 days" (which is about none of them really but it's about making a mistake and putting it right), "The Notebook," which tells a tale of life-long love and commitment, "The Phantom of the Opera" (which is about both lust and infatuation) and definitely, "Titanic" (which is about holding on to someone forever until you die - that is love - bittersweet love), also, perhaps, "The Fly" (which is about a woman who falls in love with a man who turns into a fly and then goes insane, and yet remains deeply emotionally attached through this agonizing life change - which is love) or High Fidelity (which is about learning what love really is). Yet understand, that movies are fiction that depict idealized rather than realistic love.

Tips

• Keep in mind that in most relationships, you're feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.
• To help you make tough decisions about your relationship, ask someone you trust who has lots of experience with the kind of relationship you want for yourself. For example: Say you want to be happily married to one person for life. If your parents have both been bitterly divorced three times, then they are probably not the ones to talk to. On the other hand, if they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary of bliss together, then they may be ideal to learn from.

• Lasting relationships are those that are built on love

  - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation - not love.
• Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely LIKE your mate, you're going to be miserable.
• Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?
• A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.
• Take advantage of the post coital "moment of clarity" to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heart rate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it's most definitely not love but lust.
• Give it some time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.
• Keep in mind that "True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be."
  
• What comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, What do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. True love is when you could love a person without ever "dropping your drawers" so to speak.

Warnings

• If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?
• You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person.

So guys, in all things, keep praying. Because He knows the best for us.

How to say "i love you"

Just want to help you How to Say I Love You

Although many people use this powerful phrase loosely, there are times when you want to say "I love you" in a meaningful way. Whether you're professing your love to a romantic partner or expressing it to a relative or friend, it can be difficult to convey how much they really mean to you. Love reflects the intensity of how you feel. But by keeping the following suggestions in mind, hopefully your love will not only be understood, but it will also be welcomed and returned.

STOP BEING A WIMP

1. Define love
The sincerity of the phrase is strengthened by knowing what love is, and what loving someone means to you.

Determine the difference between love, infatuation and lust, and make sure it's genuine love that you feel for this person.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. For every christian, those words may seem so familiar. But, what are we're talking is, do you act like that?

2. Make it special.
For many people, dropping the "I" allows the sentiment to be expressed casually, such as before separating (e.g. "Time to go. Bye! Love you!"). Using the full phrase, however, can be reserved for more intimate moments, especially during a special event, such as when a child is just born, or even to reassure someone when bad news has been received or during moments of cherished silence, like after a kiss.

3. Make eye contact.
If you love this person, hopefully you feel comfortable enough to gaze into their eyes when you express your feelings. Making eye contact shows sincerity and communicates trust.

4. Say it at an appropriate tone.
If you're at home and there's not much background noise, keep your volume low; don't whisper unless you bring your lips to their ear, which can also be a very intimate way to express your love. If you want to tell them how you feel in public, it's up to you whether you want to pull the person aside, or say it in front of friends or even strangers. It depends on your loved one's personality, and your own personality. Some will find it terribly romantic to be told they're loved across a room full of people; others may find it mortifying.

5. Smile.
It can be nerve-wracking to tell someone that you love him or her, only to wait anxiously for their response--especially if it's the first time either of you have verbally expressed love. The best way to overcome this fear is to not expect the phrase in return. Your intention can be to tell the person how you feel, with the hope of making them happy and showing them that they are valued. Remember that unconditional love means not demanding anything in return. So smile, and perhaps give your loved one a hug. If they love you, too, they'll say it in their own way and in their own time.

6.Be creative.
Say it in different languages. Write it into a poem or even a haiku. If you want to be romantic, spell it out with rose petals on his or her bedroom floor. Write it in code, like 1337 or using a Vigènere cipher. Say it in little ways, like post-it notes in unexpected places, and express it in every way you can.

7. Love.
Don't just say it, do it. Love is not just a feeling; it's an action.

Saying it without showing it is, in a way, a lie. Express your love in action as well as in words.

Children can show love for their parents by cleaning up their room without being asked. A person can send flowers to their partner in the middle of the week for no particular reason other than to show love. Acts of kindness for the one you love, without being asked, speak louder than words. Do things for your loved ones that they are not willing, likely or able to do for themselves.


Tips
* Holding someone's hand as you tell them you love them can also communicate sincerity and trust, but it can also convey a sense of subterfuge, which at a glance may suffice but will quickly be sniffed out by someone with a careful eye for lies; ergo, do not hold hands if you don't mean it.
* Love does not keep score. When you love someone, do not expect anything in return. There's a difference between love and bartering... "I will do this for you if you will do that for me." But always remember if you are asking something of your partner be willing to do it yourself. Don't always expect that he/she understands what you need, be open and willing to express yourself.
* Love is expressed differently by everyone. Be understanding and look for your partner's ways of expressing it to you; they may not be the same as you do or what you want them to do, but in turn you may not be doing the things the want and they should look for your way.


Warnings
* If love is unrequited, you need to be understanding and be caring towards the feelings of the object of your desire. At least they now know how you feel. It is not good to bottle up your feelings.
* Saying "I love you" in the heat of passion for the first time might not be a good idea, as the person may question the sincerity of your pledge. Follow them up with actions of kindness.
* The words "I love you" can lose their meaning in a relationship if used excessively and loosely, and if not paired with action.
* If you truly love that person then don't hurt her/him in any way whatsoever as it gives a negative impression that you are forcing them to love you.
* It is important to pay attention to the things on this list that enhance the phrase. Our language today is peppered with "love," "hate," etc. when describing things that aren't really deserving. This leads to the word "love" itself meaning less than it should. Remember, you are using simple, over-used words to communicate a very powerful emotion. It is important that other techniques are used to enhance this phrase, or else it merely comes across as trite.

-from wiki, with addition in some parts.

Women fall in love with men that treat them like dirt ?

Why do women fall in love with men that treat them like dirt but dump the men who treat them like queens?

Although this often looks like the case, know that there are women out there that do not stand for men to treat them badly and love the man they have that treat them as equal. (That may also be a problem in its self that most women like to be treated as an equal as opposed to like dirt OR a queen - you may need to tune your affection down as women often like to nurture and serve their men (not be a slave though) as these two traits seem natural to them.

Answer

"The demand to be safe in relationship inevitably breeds sorrow and fear. This seeking for security is inviting insecurity. Have you ever found security in any of your relationships? Have you? Most of us want the security of loving and being loved, but is there love when each one of us is seeking his own security, his own particular path?"

IN SIMPLE TERMS:

It is hard for one to feel good about themselves when the only thing they are used to is being treated like crap. When something good comes along they get frightened. They become unsure of what to do. They choose, becuase of their fear, to go with the things they know. (I.E. Men that treat women like crap.)

What do you think? Please write your comment , then share with us here

Levels of commitment

The 5 Levels Of Commitment In A Relationship And, How You Can Improve Relationship Trust. guys, this article written By Whitneay T. Vanwells to a person who sent question mail to her, u may check this out. I hope it will help you.
Dear One, I did your research on your question on love, and realized that there were many that were out there in the same boat as you, seeking to find love, or to help the relationship that they were presently in. Here is what I found in my research:
You have free will to choose to stay or go in the relationship, as fate is not written in stone, and can be changed every day through your choices. Yet, you show some difficulties in communication with him, and with commitment, on both sides. Just so that you know, there are 5 basic levels of commitment in a relationship:

1. Dating and going out together (No sexual intimacy at this level).
2. Dating each other only, (dating exclusively and some intimacy, not sex).
3. Engagement; a commitment to making the relationship permanent. Intimacy is OK here. By now you are making plans for a future together, and it is safe and constructive to trust at a physical level. Women who give in tosex before and on this stage, often pay the price of loosing their partner, and their dignity.
4. Marriage, the fourth stage, is the goal of the relationship. Sexual Intimacy allowed here =)
5. Stage 5 is supporting the marriage and working on maintaining the bond.

It is very important to go through each of these levels, and to spend time in each, while recognizing the needs of your partner, and your own needs as well. Talk to him, without pushing him.
When you push him to do something, you actually make him go the other way, the opposite way.
Talk to him, and just say, here is what I know about commitment, where do you think we are now. Once you agree upon this one thing, then you have a map for the relationship. Having a map for the relationship, takes the pressure off of both parties, and it is a very important step in developing a long term relationship.


Women tend to push men into marriage. Sometimes, they also tend to be intimate sooner than what they are comfortable with. They do this, because they fear that the man will leave if they are not intimate. Then the woman, generally, will have doubts, and want commitment, because she is afraid that he will leave. And, because she is feeling very vulnerable, having become intimate without a good emotional foundation.

He might, at this point, be scared, and feel pushed. He might feel on the spot, and yes, leave. Just so you know, this scenario happens, and it happens daily.
My sister dated many men when she was young. She would date 1 for a month or so, and become intimate with them, figuring that the relationship was safe. They were soon gone. Then, for about 5 years, she didn't date at all, because she saw a pattern in what was happening in her relationships. Then, she met someone very nice. They dated for 1 year, and were not intimate outside of kissing. When he would drop her off at her apartment, she would kiss him good night, and tell him to go home and have a cold shower. He loved her, so he respected her boundaries. Their wedding was one of love and trust. They were both sure that they were marrying the right person.

Their relationship was strong because they took their time, and got to know each other. She had figured out, that intimacy is actually a way to destroy a relationship when there is not enough emotional foundation.

Listen to these words. They will save you years of heartache. The bottom line in a healthy relationship, is to go at the pace that is comfortable for you both. If you go at your partner's pace, you might soon find yourself feeling overwhelmed. The pace of the relationship, needs to be talked about, and contemplated. Then, you both know where the relationship is, and it takes the pressure off you. It takes time to create a solid relationship built on trust. Give yourselves this time.

For those who are already married the 5th. stage of supporting the marriage, and working on it, is primary for success. If you get married, and don't work to support each other, and put your partner first, you will soon find yourself disappointed in what you have.

Dating doesn't stop at the door of the wedding. The husband needs to continue to court his wife, for life. The wife needs to continue to appreciate her mate, and the things that he does for her. Both must put their partner first, not last, on their list of priorities.
But, these are just words. It is through the application of your effort, that the love is kept alive in a good marriage. To keep your love alive, the battlefield of love, must be won every day. The results of your efforts will show in the strength and success of your love relationship.

Many Blessings, Whitneay T. Vanwells Ph.D., C.A.S. and recompposed by Yunike Andreas

Attract person you like

Want to quintuple your odds of winning in the dating game?
We surveyed a variety of top experts and learned five unbelievably effective secrets to make the opposite sex come running.
Here's how you can use them to work for you:

1. BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION

Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the center of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and nationally-known expert in the field of spacial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...) If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenters tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies.

2. THE COLOR LURE What color can you wear to compel the opposite sex to approach you? According to Color Consultant Leatrice Eiseman, Director of the Pantone Color Institute and author of Colors For Your Every Mood, women are attracted to men wearing the color blue. And why wouldn't we be? According to Eiseman, guys who frequently wear blue are "stable, faithful, constant and always there." The blue guy is a fantastic candidate for a long-term relationship -- someone who's dependable, momogomous and can match his own clothes. And what about the ladies? Eiseman says women should wear a pink- peach to make themselves most approachable. The color is "very flattering to most skin tones, it gives you healthy glow," and according to Eiseman, projects "a little vulnerability which brings out something protective in men." Want to wear a color that weeds out guys who can't handle strong women? Try a deep red, burgundy or plum. Men who aren't attracted to strong women will steer clear. Of all the colors, red is the most sensual. But, wear red with caution. "Red is the color of sex and power," says Eiseman. Red adds an element of excitement and attracts two types of men - men interested in sex, and men attracted to powerful women. Sure, you'll probably have to fend off a lot of freaks, but you could also end up attracting a guy that isn't threatened by the fact that you make a bigger salary. Concerned your wardrobe is driving people away? Stay away from what Eiseman calls "squished caterpillar yellow-green" which is said to repel both sexes equally.

3. BODY TALK THAT REELS 'EM IN How do you use body language to attract the opposite sex? If you're a woman, the key is to make yourself approachable. According to nationally-respected body language expert and professional speaker, Patti Wood, you want to make yourself a "safe" (read approachable) target. How do you accomplish that? Don't take up a lot of space (which is a sign of power and superiority.) Wood says, "we are strong women, but remember, we're trying to get a man to come over and talk to us." She explains, "you have to show you have room for someone else in your life." In addition, Wood says "to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. " Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt - signal you're listening to what the other person has to say. For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive. Body language tips for both sexes: Don't fold your arms and don't chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. According to Wood, the chewing indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions.

4. THE POWER OF A SMILE
Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Not a great big plastic game-show smile, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here" face will do the trick. According to Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness."

5. TEMPTING WITH SCENT Studies show that men associate the scents of cinnamon and vanilla with love. To make the scents work for you, try baking some ready-made cinnamon rolls about an hour before your date arrives, or, wear a cinnamon-vanilla scented perfume (there's a fabulous vanilla perfume called "Dulce Vanilla icon" ). Aromatherapy experts have long-believed cinnamon to be an aphrodisiac. According to Laura Davimes, aromatherapy and herb expert , and owner of Herban Avenues, "certain aromatic plants exude oils similar to our own sexual secretions or pheromones. Wearing cinnamon/vanilla blends increases the presence of pheromone-like substances and dramatically increases attraction." The scent of a woman? Women, according to a recent study, are attracted to a black licorice scent. So, be sure to pick up licorice or Good 'n Plenty at the theater snack bar. And, if you're at a club and happen to spill a little Jaggermeister on your shirt, don't worry about the stain, just consider it your lucky night.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - Lisa Daily is the author of "Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One " in 3 years or less" at bookstores everywhere. "This chick really knows what she's talking about!" --Howard Stern Get a FREE dating tips newsletter and fabulous man-snagging techniques at www.stopgettingdumped.com (C)Copyright 2002, by Lisa Daily. All rights reserved.

Falling in love and ego

Of all the misconceptions about love the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that 'falling in love' is love or at least one of the manifestations of love.
It is a potent misconception because falling in love is subjectively experienced in a very powerful fashion as an experience of love. When a person falls in love what he or she certainly feels is "I love him" or "I love her."
But two problems are immediately apparent.

The first is that the experience of falling in love is specifically a sex-lined erotic experience. We do not fall in love with our children though we may love them very deeply. We do not fall in love with our friends of the same sex - unless we are homosexual oriented - even though we may care for them greatly. We fall in love only when we are consciously or unconsciously sexually motivated.Do you agree or not?

The second problem is that the experience of falling in love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say that we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fell in love. But it is to say that the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling in love always passes.

"To understand the nature of the phenomenon of falling in love and the inevitability of its ending, it is nescessary to examine the nature of what psychiatrists call ego boundaries." At infantry, we can't seem to separate the universe from ourselves, there was no identity as to what we are and what we are not, what are mine and what is not. We came to accept our size, physical limits, and power. The knowledge to this limit is call "ego boundary". As we grow up to young adult, we find that we are separate individuals, isolated from others, confined by physical limits and power, relatively small and weak function of the society. Our ego boundaries are harden, our world became colder, more confusing and hostile. It is very lonely and sometime painful to be confine within one's boundary. We seek to escape the wall of individual identities so that we feel more unified with the world out side of ourselves.

" The experience of falling in love allows us this escape- temporarily. The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundary is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and our beloved are one! Loneliness no more!"
This experience of merging with someone reflects the feeling we had when we were with our mom at infantry. Being united with the 'loved' one made us feel like the world once again revolves around us.
The power that we had to give up when we were kids is back to us again, we are now powerful, the future is bright, and nothing is impossible anymore. Superhero days are back to us once again.

"The unreality of these feelings when we have fallen in love is essentially the same as the unreality of the 2 year old who feels itself to be the king of the family and the world with power unlimited."

Reality bites. Sooner or later, in response to the problems of daily living, individual will reasserts itself. He wants to have sex; she doesn't. She wants to go to the movies; he doesn't.. etc. Each person realized that they are no longer "one" with the partner and that the other has their own wishes and desires. Eventually the ego boundary get set back in their own place, gradually or suddenly, we fall out of love. We are back to separate individual. From here, they either break up the relationship or begin the "real" work of "loving".

"Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits or boundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them. The extension of one's limit requires effort; falling in love is effortless. Lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones. Once the precious moment of falling in love has passed and the boundaries have snapped back into place, the individual may be disillusioned, but is usually none the larger for the experience. When limits are extended or stretched, however, they tend to stay stretched. Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not."

Falling in love has little to do with purposively nurturing one's spiritual development. If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps insure this result through marriage. Certainly we are not thinking of spiritual development. Indeed, after we have fallen in love and before we have fallen out of love again we feel that we have arrived, that the heights have been attained, that there is both no need and no possibility of going higher. We do not feel ourselves to be in any need of development; we are totally content to be where we are. Our spirit is at peace. Nor do we perceive our beloved as being in need of spiritual development. To the contrary, we perceive him or her as perfect, as having been perfected. If we see any faults in our beloved, we perceive them as insignificant -little quirks or darling eccentricities that only add color and charm.

So what is real love if falling in love is merely a temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries?

" The experience of real love also has to do with ego boundaries, since it involves an extension of one's limit. One's limits are one's ego boundaries. When we extend our limits through love, we do so by reaching out, so to speak, toward the beloved, whose growth we wish to nurture."

"The act of many years of loving, of extending our limits is a progressive act of enlargement of self, incorporating the world around us, a stretching and a thinning of our ego boundaries. In this way the more and longer we extend ourselves, the more we love, the more blurred becomes the distinction between the self and the world. We become identified with the world. And as our ego boundaries thinned, we begin more and more toe the same sort of feeling of ecstasy that we have when our ego boundaries partially collapse and we 'fall in love.' Only, instead of having merged temporarily and unrealistically with a single beloved object we have merged realistically and more permanently with much of the world. This mystical union with the world, although is more gentle and less dramatic than falling in love, it is much more stable and lasting."

So what is love?

Love is perhaps too large/deep to be understand/describe by words, but in this context love is: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spritual growth."
The process of extending one self is an evolution process, where you grow as a human being. When a person is willing and sucessfully extending one's limit, even for other people's spritual growth, they themselves have grown to be a larger state of being. The process is never ending and very satisfying.

As we've heard, one can't love others unless one learns to love oneself first. We can't be a source of strength unless we established our own strength. So self-love and love for other has to exist together, not as a separate function.

This act of extending, which means going beyond one's limit, suggest that it requires effort.

"When we love someone our love becomes demonstrable or real only through our exertion - through the fact that som for that someone ( or for ourself) we take an extra step of walk an extramile. Love is not effortless. To the contrary, love is effortful."

Above quotes and extraction are from M. Scott Peck, M.D. from his book, "The road less travelled, A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spritual Growth". There's much more to this topic than I can put in this article, but I do realized how short the netter's attentionspan is, so.. go grab the book, it's a valuable mind asset to aquire.

I hope you find "real love", an eventual total collapse of one's ego boundaries. It isn't easy, to break down our ego boundaries. We must find ourselves and our identity before we can transcend it. You might find temporial escape from ego boundaries when you "fall in love", sexual intercourse, or use a cirtain psychoactive drugs, but that's just a small glimse of nirvana, not nirvana itself.

It takes commitment and effort in exercising real love to reach a lasting enlightenment. Only then, you'll not only find that you are no longer a separation of any other entity and that you are oneness with the universe, but the perception of discrete object, separated from one another is an illusion. Its like being back to infantry again. The world would be as much more peaceful and 'loving'.

written by M. Scott Peck, extracted and recomposed by Yunike Andreas.

"I love you" Why are so miserly to give it?

Based on what has happened to us, maybe there is trauma, sometimes, "fear to love the new one" shadowing us. Do you ever feel this too? Read this article, i believe, after that, we would find, there is new fresh thing come in to your heart.

True love?
"I love you" – the three magic words which keep the world going round.

How many times have we said "I love You" to the person who have stepped into our lives with some magic. Still, we can not imagine, how's that feeling come to us. And how many times have we heard it ourselves? Why do we say "I love You" – what do we mean by it really ?

Do we say because it’s the normal thing to say, because for the sake of saying it only, because we have nothing else to say or is it that the words are music to the ears of that other person. What do you understand of the meaning of true love? And where do you find it ? Before hunting for the answers, let us first recap of our own understanding of the word Love.

True Love is strictly a low of warm energy that bonds two people in a sharing and common relationship, on a single platform. If a relationship is a tiny sapling, love is the water of life which makes it grow into a mammoth.

So if love is that secret life force, life energy, and its freely available in all our hearts, why are so miserly to give it ? Is it our fear of loss, feeling of insecurity or vulnerability that holds us back?

If you look carefully, love is something that grows inside us. It does not grow on trees that you pick at random when you want it. To be able to get love, we must learn how to give it first. Love exists in the deepest part of all our souls, as a jewel or a lamp that needs to be kindled for the energy to flow out.

If you start by having a closer re-look at your self, think how much love do you have for your own self? How far do you accept your self the way you are?

The quantum of love that you attract from those around you is exactly the same amount you give away. We mirror what is already existing in our souls. Never expect love from something, if you don’t have love for it your self.

This brings us to the critical question – are you prepared enough to fall in love ? Can you let go of your ego, pride and insecurities, and be ready just to give ?

Don’t hold back your love for the fear of hurt, just because you lost out on one relationship. Stopping to love is equal to stopping to love yourself. While we look for love, its management, and the consequent happiness is in our hands. So open up your mind’s eyes and let love roll in.

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Friends, Are you Christian? this below, i just want to share some verses, that has brighten my gray day up . From Isaiah 43:18-19 "Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert." (KJV)
1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."(KJV)

True Love and Chemistry: Finding your soul mate

When you think about the qualities found in a true "soul mate" relationship, what one word comes up most often on the top of your list?

Is it CHEMISTRY? Probably.

Just the mention of this term conjures up powerful feelings and images for anyone who has ever been in or seeking a love relationship. It is often described as a feeling that leaves you breathless, excited and weak in the knees. Palms sweat, the heart races and the body tingles with nervous anticipation.

It is believed by virtually everyone that true love cannot exist without chemistry. Therefore, the conclusion most would-be lovers come to is that if they experience these intense feelings towards someone, they have the basis for an ideal and lasting relationship.

Right? Maybe not. For this definition of chemistry is limited to one's physical response to another person. It lacks an entire dimension that resides in our values, beliefs, personalities and worldview.

In order to know you have the right connection with a potential (or existing) partner, it's important to have a basic knowledge of what real chemistry consists of, instead of embracing only the myths that surround it. This can be difficult to do. This intense, physical passion is the stuff that Oscar winning movies and best-selling books are made of. So, take a step back for a minute and see if you recognize yourself in the following.

Sarah is a thirty something, very attractive and successful, professional female. She has been in a relationship for over a year with a man who is unfaithful, disrespectful and incapable (unwilling) to make any commitment to her. Yet, when he makes late night "booty calls", forgets her birthday, or stands her up repeatedly - she remains available and willing, in spite of her general unhappiness and upset over their "relationship". Why? "I think I have mistaken great sex for love. I feel this intense chemistry and physical intimacy when we are having sex, even though he offers me nothing else. Over time, it has left me unhappy and feeling badly about myself."

John is an attractive, intelligent, 30 something male who owns his own successful business. He's dating a woman that he thinks he is in love with. He has knowledge that she has been out with other men. She cancels dates and is often critical and emotionally distant. She refuses to discuss commitment or taking the relationship to the next level. Yet, she turns to John for emotional, physical and financial help whenever she feels she needs it. Why does John continue to see her? "She's beautiful and the sex is great. We have such strong physical chemistry. It's almost like an addiction for me. My friends can't stand her and even I know she's not really a "keeper", but it's hard to walk away.

These vignettes are great examples of how physical chemistry can be mistaken for the real thing. The attraction on one level is strong, yet these are not relationships that have the right elements to grow into happy and satisfying partnerships.

So, what is missing?

Kahlil Gibran defines it as "spiritual affinity". It's the hidden element of chemistry. It's when two beings meet and connect on a deeper level. It can only be felt in the heart and soul. It's about friendship, respect, humor and the feelings of warmth and contentment that come when you are in his/her presence.

People often report finding one without the other. This is understandably a cause of great frustration and confusion about whom should we choose and why. In order to understand this better, it is helpful to know how and when each facet of chemistry occurs.

Physical attraction (or lust) generally begins during our first contact with someone. It can DEVELOP into something more over time, yet some pull is there from the beginning. The chemical that results from this attraction (and intensifies it) is phenyl ethylamine - or PEA. It is a naturally occurring substance in the brain. Essentially, it is a natural amphetamine. It stimulates us and increases both physical and emotional energy. The attraction causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with romantic love. Another substance that is released by PEA is dopamine. This chemical increases a desire to be physically close and intimately connected.
When these chemicals are being secreted in larger doses, they send signals from the brain to the other organs of the body. If you wonder why you or someone is attracted to the "wrong" person, it may be because you are high on the physical response to these substances, which overwhelm your ability to use your head and exercise "good judgment and common sense".

"Spiritual affinity" develops over time and repeated contact. When these feelings begin to emerge, the brain produces endorphins. These are more like morphine and result in an increased sense of calm that reduces anxiety and helps to build attachment. As relationships move into this phase they are characterized by more comfort, commitment and friendship.

Generally speaking, all "soul mate relationships" require at least some measure of each of these. The important thing to remember is that they come in stages, which is not to say that the physical attraction passes as one moves into a deeper connection. However, it changes. We cannot sustain those intense emotions as we travel down the road to commitment and a shared life. However, in healthy relationships those moments of intensity can and do occur for brief intervals at intermittent times.

Remember not to confuse great sex or deep friendship with romantic love. Instead, look for a measure of both of these in your feelings for another. For then you have the ingredients that lasting love is made from.