Why I Love You

Why I Love You
Figure this: You are giving a bouquet of gorgeous roses to your beloved. You expect a generous hug, a peck on the cheek, or at least a warm "thank you".
Instead you are asked, "Why do you love me?" To answer these spur of the moment questions, we bring you reasons to love someone. So prepare yourself with these "reasons for loving you" and answer the question that begins with reasons why I love you! Given here are top 20 of the most popular reasons that we came up, to answer this often asked question.

* You complete me.
* You give the word Perfect a new meaning
* I can be myself when I am with you
* You bring out the best in me.
* Just a sight of you lifts my up spirits.
* You have taught me what it is to love and be loved.
* I can be clumsy and foolish when I am with you, yet know that your love for me will never diminish.
* Your smile is enough to make a dull day seem bright as sun.
* Being in your arms makes me feel like I can never be lost again.
* Ever since you have come into my life, I yearn to come back home and see your lovely smile.
* Your innocence makes me forget all shady things of this world.
* I love the way you get angry whenever I am late; yet wait for me for as long as it takes.
* You have given meaning to my existence.
* I love the way your face glows whenever I gift you something.
* You are the only one who can make me smile even in my deepest sorrows.
* I respect the faith you have in me and love you for it.
* I love the calm look on your face when you are sleeping.
* I love waking up in the morning and finding you by my side.
* I get lost in the depth of your mysterious eyes.
* I can fight against the world because I know you will be by my side always.
taken from here.

How to love

How to Love

Love is a strange thing. It can be the most amazing feeling in the world, or it can really hurt, but in the end love is something most, if not all of us, will face. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (even yourself), here is a general guide to loving.

1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You," do they carry it with them the desire to show someone you love them or do they carry it with them is it what you want to feel? And when you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.

2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are; and realize how they could also love you back just as well.

3. Love unconditionally.
If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.

4. Expect nothing in return.
That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for loving's sake. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.

5. Realize it can be lost.
If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love.


* It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings.
* There are many types of love, for example: a mother-son love is different from a best friend's love, which is different from a romantic love. Don't be ashamed to tell anyone that you love your friends as much as you love anyone else in your life.
* You have to find someone that will suit you, someone you feel comfortable with - not just someone to make love to.
* As a word, love can be found worldwide and is often used to describe compassion and/or emotional attachment. Accepting those you love for who they are is part of love. You also need to learn to accept yourself before you can accept another. If you cannot love your self, how are you to love another?
* Love genuinely. Do not compare your feelings now to what your feelings were when you were with another mate. At times, we can experience rejection.
* Realize that love is a feeling and attempt to assist, but ultimately, you are the one who must take action in order to discover love.
* Do things that make the other person feel good, but do not smoother them with gifts and attention.
* Consider some tips about what people in love do.
o People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavor to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it.
o Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature.

People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfillment in life.

Sometimes love is all we need
o Love does not brag. People who are truly in love refrain from rehearsing their good traits just to show off. Bragging in a relationship often is really defensiveness.
o People who are truly in love do not insist that their way is best and demand that their mates give in to them.
o People who are truly in love are considerate of each others feelings and courteous in their actions toward one another. Sadly sarcasm is a way of life for some couples. They ridicule each other, belittle each other and trade jibes with a fury. They may say it is all in fun, but it leaves wounds that will someday become festering sores.
o People who are truly in love look out for their mates' best interests as much as their own. Those in love should be concerned not only about their own individual interests, but about the interests of the other as well.
o People who truly love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we counting on someone else to meet our needs.
o People who truly love each other do not take pleasure in their mates' disappointments or failures.
o People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time.
o People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denies there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness.
* Remember there is no failure in love, because once you tell somebody who you love, that you love him/her, then you have already succeeded in love.

* You must love yourself before you can love another.
* There is always the risk of getting hurt, but that's part of letting yourself fully love and trust some one. Being hurt could be long-lasting and could hurt more than anything in the world.
* Realize what you have while you have it, and care for the person you trust.
* If something comes to an end, try to let go rather than holding on; it's for the best.
* The idea of love is fueled by childhood fantasies. The love shown in movies, as obtainable as it may be, is rare to say the least.
* You just may find your soul-mate sooner than you want to.
* If you feel any doubt of love your partner has for you, it is probably true. when you give and receive love 100%, you will have no doubt in your heart.
* Don't ask for love - you should receive love because your partner wants to give you love - not because you want it from your partner.
* Do not force love - it will come in good time, it will come.

Believe. God will give you in best time. Learn to love your self and learn to love other in right way. Soon, you'll find your soulmate.

Into you or not?

It is said that the love of a man for woman could be recognized very easily but it is very difficult to define it.

There are no clear-cut formulae to explain love. However, here are a few tips that had been provided by people who are supposed to be knowledgeable in matters of love.

* The man can't seem to stop talking to you everyday.
* He is not dating anybody else except you.
* He starts treating your mother the way he treats his own mother.
* He starts using possessive words like "we", "our", and "us" more during conversations with you, particularly when he is talking about the future.
* He is keeping a photo of yours on his desk.
* He starts keeping your favorite food items in his refrigerator.
* He bestows top priority to you over his work and other relationships.
* He keeps saying nice things about you when he talks to his friends.
* He does all your errands without the least hesitation.
* He keeps looking at you in the most admiring way even when prettier women are around.

Remember that love in real life is not as easy as it is shown in movies.

When a man is in love with you, the chances of breaking up are much higher. Even ordinary actions assume enormous importance in love, whether they are positive or negative. Hence, when you think that a man is in love with you, you should handle the entire matter with kid gloves.

Start taking a genuine interest in what he likes and dislikes, his tastes, habits, etc. It helps you in understanding him better. Further, with such knowledge, you would be able to avoid rubbing him the wrong way, which is as important as pleasing him. When a man loves you, he starts giving lot of importance to you. Open flirting might not always mean that the man loves you but the bestowal of more attention to what you say and what you like is a definite sign of love. He would hasten to act all your requests, irrespective of the time of the day. Even if you call him at 2-00 a.m. in the morning and tell him that you have headache but out of stock of the medication, he would rush to a 24-hour drugstore, get the medicine and come to your place with that.

It is very difficult for men to show their love in an open manner. Even the most courageous man would become a coward when it comes to the woman he loves. His speech would be halting and hesitant. He would start to say something, stop, think it over again and then utter what is in his mind.

It is because he is just getting to know you better and still not sure whether you would like what he says. Even though women are usually more guarded in the initial stages, men are equally nervous around the women they love. However, the man who is in love with you would take extra steps in pleasing you. He would groom his hair and straighten his dress more often, when he is with you. Such acts reveal that he wants to look good for you.

Take a mental note of them. He would talk to you in a low voice so that others would not be able to hear what he says. This would mean that he wants the conversation to be exclusively between him and you. He would compliment you not only in person but also to his friends. He would speak highly of you to others. He would go the extra mile in showing respect to your mother, if you happen to introduce her to him. He would call you several times a day without any special reason.

Whenever he is talking about the future, he would tend to use words like "we", "us", and "our" than "I", "me", and "mine". Use of such words is a sure sign of his planning a future long-term relationship with you. He would be keeping your photo on his work desk as well as in his room. He would be stocking all the food and beverage items that you like, so that you are not disappointed at any time, if you are hungry when you are at his place. He would tend to look at you in an admiring way whenever he is with you.

While you are leaving, he would keep looking at your back till you disappear from his view. He would arrive early for a meeting and would leave after you, if he is not accompanying you to your place. Even when he drops you at your home, he would wait till you have entered the house and closed the door before leaving. All these telltale signs would definitely show that the man is in love with you and desires a long-term relationship with you. Act positively and let not this chance pass you by.

Love Stories

A girl and a boy were on a motorcycle, speeding through the night. They loved each other a lot.....
Girl:"slow down a little.. I'm scared.."
Boy: "No, it's so fun.."
Girl: "please..it's so scary.."
Boy: "Then say that you love me.."
Girl: "Fine..I love you..can you slow down now?"
Boy: "Give me a big hug.."

The girl gave him a big hug.

Girl: "Now can you slow down?"
Boy: "Can you take off my helmet and put it on? It's uncomfortable and it's bothering me while i ride."

The next day, there was a story in the newspaper. A motorcycle had crashed into a building because its brakes were broken.
There were two people on the motorcycle, of which one died, and the other had survived...The guy knew that the brakes were broken. He didn't want to let the girl know, because he knew that the girl would have gotten scared.
Instead, he was told the last time that she loved him,got a hug from her,put his helmet on her so that she can live, and die himself...

Once in a while, Right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairy tale...

"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well"


*************************** Story 2 ***************************

Nurse: "It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman, in his 80's, presented to have sutures (stitches) removed from his thumb.

He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I (nurse) took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour befor e someone would to able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed,so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. Asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning somewhere else,as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease.

As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him. "And you are still going every morning,even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you always know they're there


*************************** STORY 3 ***************************

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she's settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.

It had been a year since Susan became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. 'How could this have happened to me?' she would plead, her heart knotted with anger.
But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful truth, her sight was never going to return.
A cloud of depression hung over Susan's once optimistic spirit. All she had to cling to was her husband Mark.

Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength she needed to become independent again.

Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task. Soon, however Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working - it was hectic, and costly.

Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe.
She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react?

Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning me."

Mark's heart broke but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each day he would ride the bus with her until she got the hang of it.

And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.

Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her
husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love.

She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways.

Monday, Tuesday,

Wednesday, Thursday.... Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better.

On Friday mor ning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you."

Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? "Why do you envy me?"

The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are." Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, "What do you mean?" The driver said, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady."

Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was blessed, so blessed, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness.

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her..."

So if you love someone be faithful to that person.


*************************** STORY 4 ***************************

From the very beginning, girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrelled very often. Though the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vents her anger on him. As for him, he only endured it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl:

"I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in &
agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged.

The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas,continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls.
Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. when she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed.. She realized that she was badly injured.

Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could
come out of her mouth was just a sigh. she had lost her voice....

The doctor says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out fromher, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,..it's still just silence cry that accompanied her.

Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the
phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, countless of phonecalls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying.... The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learns sign language & started a new life. Te lling herself everyday that she must forget the guy.
One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let
him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.
A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing ainvitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her.

He used sign language to tell her "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how to Give. Treat every moment as is it's the last day, then you'll know how to treasure.

Treasure what you have right now, or else you will regret one day...
-----from : Ontanggabe Parulian --thanks buddy

Choose The Right Man For You

by freedating datingsitecash

1. Choosing the obvious ones to avoid: addicts, childabusers, chronic gamblers, felons, “boys”, etc. If you always fall in love with the wrong type of men, you should get help. Please seek it. You need to fall in love with the right person

2. Going by sexual attraction alone. That’s a choice your reptilian brain is making which is to say not a choice at all. “Choosing” means weighing alternatives and being rational. Never in life do you want your reptilian brain in charge. It doesn’t “think.”

3. Choosing based on external qualities alone. It’s nice if he’s a hot hunk, but not if he's just another pretty face. Are you choosing a 37' powerboat instead of a man who owns one? His face will change. His toys may disappear. It's "for better or for worse," not "for as long as he can buy me Gucci handbags.” Seek TRUE love!

4. Rushing. Date him long enough to go through actual situations that test what you can't see and touch -- his values, priorities, manners, morals, and interests.

At first you’ll go to hockey games, WWF matches and beer drinking just to be with him, right? Do you really see yourself doing these things every weekend for the rest of your life?

On the same point, is he being nice to your kids just to get to you? Is he willing to go shopping with you and to the museums? Only time will tell.

5. Rushing. Give it time so he can sort out his feelings. Men tend to go from desire to action without thinking .This is why we see them make such poor choices in women, and then do the same thing again. You may be sure, but is he? Follow your heart AND your brain.

6. Rushing. You need time because even a workaholic will give you attention 24/7 at first. Only 6 months down the line will you discover that once he’s “got you,” and knows you love him, so he neglects you. Work comes first, then his golf. He’ll call you when it’s your turn.

7. Not checking out his attitude toward women.
How does he treat his mother? Your friends? His sister?

8. Trusting only your intellect. This means gathering facts, reading experts, not checking in with your intuition, and listening to advice blindly without looking into your heart as well.

Let’s say your best friend, who’s very perceptive, tells you he’s a womanizer. I’d give that some weight, but I’d check it out myself. It won't be hard. Give it time, stay awake and you’ll see.

Another example – You made the list of what you wanted. There he is in front of you, lacking 3 of the 6 items on your list, but you adore him. You really click. That’s a good time to go back and rethink your list. You’re alway sentitled to change your mind.

9. Trusting only your feelings. Come now, do you really think you can make a life with someone who is (admittedly) darling and sexy BUT hates your religion, has different morals and ethics than you do, has already alienated your father, wants kids while you don’t, refuses to “let” you work, and has already ordered you to get rid of your cat? This is like allowing yourself to fall in love with a married man. Just go stick an ice pick in your eyeball instead.

10. Misunderstanding the nature of feelings. Our emotions give us information. They don’t demand behavior. When I was a teenager I was dating a creep. My father told me I had to quit seeing him. “But I love him,” I said. Said he: “Love someone else.” No, you can’t manufacture feelings, but neither do they have to be acted upon. They can be taken “under advisement” and thought through.

Never say..

I've got an email with this attachment file. After you read this you can send your comment or even your true story of love life..to share with us.

Never say 'i love you'
if you really don't care

Never talk about feelings
If they are not really there

Never hold my hand
If you are gonna break my heart

Never say you are going to
If you don't plan to start

Never look into my eyes
If all you do is lie

Never say 'hi'
If you really mean 'goodbye'

If you really mean forever
Then say you will try

Never say forever
Coz forever makes me cry

Trust in a relationship

Since it can bring a powerful bond of intimacy and credibility in a relationship, trust is highly critical for a society to exist.

Life is always built of relationships with people, and trust is vital to fill friendship, honesty, love and passion in a relationship.
Trust is considered the central pillar supporting a relationship, and is compared to the concrete foundation of a house. In other words, trust in relationships is a two-way street, demanding equal proportion of respect from either side to manage it effectively.

Any relationship, whether it is personal, business, organizational, community, family, love, or romantic, cannot survive without trust.

But, unfortunately, trust in relationships is now rare. Lack of trust may have a negative impact on one?s life. It can destroy the glory of relationships, thereby paving way for jealousy and devastation. Hence, modeling trust in relationships is important to improve the value of a long term deal. Trust in relationships generally depends on how true we are in expressing our feelings to others, particularly to those who are very close to us.

However, it is quite difficult to gain trust in a relationship. Building trust in relationships need considerable effort, commitment and time. Here are some steps to build trust for the maintenance of a healthy relationship.
The foremost step is to be predictable.

Consistency should be maintained in all the activities you perform. Another vital step to build a healthy relationship is to make sure your words match the message. Belief in others, awareness of one?s needs, and ability to keep secrets are also important for building trust in relationships.

Honesty is also a key to build trust in any relationship. Factors such as insightfulness, responsiveness and unbiased opinions must be considered for winning trust in relationships. Once the trust is established, it can bring many benefits including huge profits with minimum cost, improvement in the reputation of a firm, and enhancement in the quality of relationships. Associate retention, effective communication, and motivation can also be gained through trust in relationships.

Article Source: EzineArticles.com Kent_Pinkerton

Get the Right Man -1

What do you want out of your personal life? Do you just want one short-term relationship after another? Are you waiting for the right guy to come along?

Well even if he does you probably won't even know it. Outlined below are the exact steps you need to make yourself into a vibrant, interesting, fun person; attract the man of your dreams; and help him commit to you. Please be patient and receptive.

Even if some ideas are "old news" to you, you will certainly learn a thing or two by the time you finish reading! The first few steps for finding a man are the most difficult ones. These are the steps that, when not attended to, will appear over and over again throughout the marriage, leading to arguments, suffering, or perhaps divorce. It's the one many women feel the most resistance to.

The reason for this? It requires not only time and energy, but a little bit of risk - by pursuing your desires or even just allowing yourself to dream, you expose yourself to the possibility of not getting them. Of trying and failing. And often, it's easier to say you don't want something because if you don't try, you never run the risk of being a failure.

The true failures in life, however, are people who end up resenting their lives or those around them because they never got the guts to go for their dreams. People don't regret failure. At the end of life, people regret the things they always wanted but never tried to do. Part of the resistance you feel will simply be because many women feel selfish pursuing their own passions.
However this self-sacrificing practice has been shown in research to be a high predictor for divorce. Sure, you will want to resist - but perhaps you should admit that you truly deserve to allow yourself to give this a shot, because in truth, you want a man who has done the same thing.
And, to tell you the truth, most men you would be attracted to do all of this without being asked, without feeling guilty for it - because it is not something to feel guilty about. The first thing to keep in mind as we begin to go over the concepts below is how men operate. (There are, of course, both feminine and masculine people of both genders.
For ease of use, we say "men and women" hereafter, but this can easily be applied to a "male or female" version of either sex, as typically, regardless of the sex, masculine energy is typically attracted to feminine. Here, we're referring to the masculine energy when we say "men".) On the average, men love action. They love doing. When something interests them, they'll do it. That makes them interesting and revitalizes them when they're drained - so they don't feel guilty about it. They have full lives, fun friends, great gadgets - all these things make men interesting to women. (Even when women hate their man's friends, these friends are typically a source of carefree fun for men.)

The second thing to keep in mind is the purpose of a relationship. Relationships - whether friendship or romantic - are first and foremost about someone who you enjoy being around. It's really that simple. When relationships deteriorate, it's because the people no longer enjoy each other. It is not enjoyable to be around anyone who is not respectful or who you can't trust. Even people who you may feel chemistry with are not always people who can make you happy. So to start the process -

Begin by just clearing the room of distractions and sitting down to imagine this scenario. Really sit back. Take a deep breath. Relax. Allow yourself to stop the resistance within you and just breathe. After taking just enough time to do this step, you can go back to your life and doubts. Now - imagine the following without fear or doubt.

Imagine - just for a moment - you had all the money in the world, no responsibilities at all, and anything you could want. The only work you have to do in this dream is work you choose to do because you enjoy it. Now - imagine what you would do each day, every day. You can have any position you want (from secretary to construction to lawyer to charity work), any hobbies you want (from woodcutter to runner). You can travel (France, Italy, China, Japan).

You can play any music instrument you like (guitar, piano, mandolin, drums), participate in any sport (soccer, kayaking, running, strength training), read anything (from science to literature), write anything (novels, poetry, music), do anything you want out in nature (hiking, studying herbs, birdwatching), have any type of spiritual experiences or just meditation, even just something as simple as gardening if you want. Make a list of all of the things you would do with your free time if you had the chance.

Next, make a list of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences you want. Traveling somewhere, skydiving, white water rafting, anything at all. The things you want to do before you die. Write down anything else you have passion for, you find fascinating, you really wish you were involved in.

Look at the lists in front of you. Right now, you're probably thinking, "Yeah, but I could never do that, because... (time, money, I'm scared, my mother, etc)." And that's the exact thought process that people have who never really find themselves satisfied. Instead, look at those things, go back over them, and circle 10 that bring an emotional response within you, that really strongly appeal to you regardless of how unattainable they are. Now, instead of saying, "I can't because..." say, "I will, and here's the plan!"

That exact attitude - known as the "winner's attitude" has been shown, again and again, to produce results. Now perhaps select one or two that are really impossible - becoming President (change it to getting involved in politics or studying politics, whatever fulfills your desire), for example, or stopping time.

Accept the possibility that you might not get them. But for all the others, NEVER accept the possibility that you will not try - because that is simply you giving up on yourself. 8. Those ten items you have written down - those are the keys. Those speak to you. Those things - as you begin to learn to do them, save money for them, study for them, work for them, whatever your plan may be, no matter how long you have to wait for them - those 10 things (AND the pursuit of them!) are what your passions are, what will make you interesting, vibrant, and full of youth - the very qualities you need to find a man.

The uncompromising pursuit of the things that inspire you will show a man that you have interests beyond just him - that, in itself, will make you interesting. Pursuing those passions is what we call "having a life" - an essential when you want a man to respect you. Now, yes, you may not get all 10. And you certainly should not take financial risks you cannot afford to lose for them (although making some sacrifices in daily expenditure can help).

But you will certainly find it very possible to commit to doing one or two as hobbies each week, even if the process of trying to learn them is embarrassing, even if your family won't support you, even if a guy asks you to schedule a date during that time. And especially, you will have one or two which you will work during your life to achieve, making a commitment to go skydiving or visit Italy no matter how many years it will take. You can do what you are "supposed to do" at work, if you want. But those 10 things - of those, hold on strongly to pursuing 5 of them for your whole life, or until you find you are no longer passionate about them. Because by making your dreams and passions a priority, you show a man that you believe your dreams matter. And because of that, he will respect you and believe your dreams matter, perhaps trying to help you achieve them.

If you're still wrestling with the feeling that you cannot do these things, there are experts in every possible field out there that have found a way to combat that excuse. Just go out and find a book to get you started. Here are some resources to help you. If you think you don't have enough time (everyone's favorite excuse!) check out flylady.net. If you think you do not have enough money, check out the books, "The Automatic Millionaire," "Miserly Moms," or "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". If you feel you are two shy, realize that it is not something you have to live with forever - that many people have overcome - and make a pledge to get rid of it. Start by just getting into the habit breathing, of being relaxed, then waiting no longer than 3 seconds to just say "hello" to people.

Next, make a point of going to public places each week and saying "hello" to 10 strangers a week. Gradually increase that to 20. Move on, when you're comfortable, to having simple conversations about things that do not involve either of you personally - usually a comment on the environment you're in. You'll learn overtime to deal with just about any personality type and learn not to care too much about what people think of you. Whatever else you find holding you back, face your fears, again and again, until you no longer fear them.

At this point, you might be saying - "Hey, I'm here to find a man!" Yup, you're right. But all of these steps are essential for combating one of the largest issues on the female side of relationships - the feeling of a void in your life that we incorrectly think is because of the lack of a man.

Well, guess what? Men can see that, too. And that internal void scares men away like nothing else. Men pursue their dreams. Because of that, many men go through life fulfilled, not needing women, simply enjoying sex, until one day around age 25 or 30 they feel ready to settle down and find a wife. On the other hand, very often women just pursue men instead of their dreams. That leaves a big gap. That puts all the responsibility for satisfaction in your life on a man. And that leads to the desperate, dramatic, and clingy behaviors that men run away from and that women hate when they see it in themselves.
continue to Get the Right Man-2

Have a Healthy Relationship

How to Have a Healthy Relationship

There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.

Steps

1. Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness.
Accept yourself. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Take good care of yourself. If you really want, you CAN always find something to do that makes you feel good about yourself right now. Love yourself, so pursue your true needs. Light up your true desires. Ask yourself why you didn't?

Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them that way.

Keep reminding yourself you are GOOD ENOUGH to have a happy life and a healthy relationship. Make yourself happy, and then share with one another.

2. Make and keep clear agreements.
Respect the difference between yourself and your partner.
Don't expect he or she agrees with you on everything. Reach mutual agreement or plan, and then commit to it.
Leave the partner if you can't reach any agreement or you find he or she always makes excuses for breaking the agreement or plan.
If you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late.
If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement and/or tell the truth about any feelings you're having about someone else before you act on them. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety.

3. Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan.
You can either choose to be right, or you can have a successful relationship. You can't always have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something.
They say. "If you loved me, you would..." and argue to hear the other say, "Okay, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship.

Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences.

If you can't reach any mutual agreement, that doesn't mean either of you is wrong or bad, it only means you don't suit each other.

4. Approach your relationship as a learning experience.
Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel 'bossed' around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless?
When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us.
A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve.

5. Tell the unarguable truth.

Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love.

Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner.
Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it.
The unarguable truth is about your true feelings; your partner can argue about anything that happens outside of you, but he or she cannot rationally deny your feelings.
Here are some examples:
"I felt scared when I saw you talking to him at the party,"
"I feel angry when you hang up on me,"
and
"I felt sad when you walked out during our fight and didn't want to be around me."

6. Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation.
The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them.
Do not hold your "good deeds" over their head at a later time.
Keeping score in a relationship will never work: a person is less likely to notice and value all the contributions of their partner as much as their own.

7. Forgive one another.
Forgiveness is a decision of letting go the past and focusing on the present.
It's about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and try to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it.
If you can't reach an agreement, it's a bad sign. If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it's a good sign.
It's the only way to prevent yourself from more disappointment, anger or resentment. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone, do give him or her the time and space.

8. Review your expectations.
Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money.
Make sure you don't expect your partner to fulfil every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you.
Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that.
You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. And above all, you can have perfect thing only from God.
Attempting to change someone else's mode of processing or personality style won't work -- and will create derailments.

9. Be Responsible.
Here's a new definition:

Responsible means that you have the ability to respond.

Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you are to blame.
There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about why you are jealous and how you might do it differently next time.
If you are unhappy in your relationship, get curious about why this situation seems similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than dwell in anger or resentment or try to change your partner instead.

10. Appreciate yourself and your partner.
In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don't want to argue but to talk and make it better.

Tips
* Know yourself and be honest with yourself and love yourself -- first! Only then can you truly appreciate and love someone else.

* Take good care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect and love is as important as respecting and loving your partner. Conduct yourself with dignity, even if you're very familiar with one another.

* All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe your partner is losing respect for you, then consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect is the key. If you have true respect for one another, then nothing can go wrong. You just have to find the right person to respect, this is the hard part.

* Ask questions, clarify, don't assume. Do not talk if your mind is not clear or full of anger. When you feel hurt, do not say
"you don't love me / you never loved me" or
"let's break up" or
"when do you want to break up?".
You will regret one day. Tell him or her you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first.

* Treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Be gentle and kind.
Apologize if your partner feels hurt. Apology does not mean you are bad, it only means you care.
When you are full of anger, it will surely burst out of your mouth if you open it. Calm down first, then think it through, then try to talk.
When your partner asks to be left alone, do not blame or criticize. Show your respect and support by give him or her the time and space to calm down and think it through first. But do not leave any unsolved problem for too long.

* Be the first to tell your partner, either positive or negative.
Trust is as essential as respect. If you want your partner to trust you, trust him or her first. Let your partner play guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and frustration. But, don't just tell him or her the issue, also talk about your plan to solve it.

* Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.

* Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship. Stay in touch by, for example, calling your partner even if it's just to say 'hi' and 'I love you'.

* Avoid any activity that could cause your partner to experience doubt, suspicion or distrust - build your credibility and earn trust and respect by always communicate truthfully and proactively, and always keep your words.
In this way, if something happens which looks incriminating, your partner will believe you if you claim you are innocent. Past behavior predicts future actions - building a solid foundation of trust and integrity will take you far.
However, ultimately your life and where it takes you is more important than your obligations to someone else. If there is trust in a relationship, you should be able to do what you want. You aren't responsible for making someone else jealous.

* Always make sure to show your partner that you appreciate him/her.
Whether it's calling them to check in, say I love you, or just spend your Saturday night together. The possibilities are endless.

* Know when to say no, and know when time and space are actually constructive tools.

* It is not always a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm.
"Do you sometimes think about your ex?" and
"do I look fat in these pants?" are both loaded questions.
In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example,
"I think you have other pants that look better on you" is a helpful answer, instead of simply "they don't", or "they do make you look fat".

* Remember what you don't do is as important as what you do.

* Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners or coworkers. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. There is nothing wrong with having friends of a gender you are attracted to; just keep flirting out of the friendship.

* Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you're no longer romantically involved. Don't ever lie or cheat on your partner, however one of those questions it's best not to answer totally honestly is
"do you still think about your ex?"
If you have fond memories, don't dwell on them, and hasten to assure your partner that while you occasionally remember places you went or things that happened, you are so much happier to be with your present partner. Period. Don't launch into a rehashing of the old days with the ex, or wax nostalgic.

* 'It can help to learn the difference between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships' - That way you can see potential problems as and when they arise
(Remember - its likely you would see something Unhealthy at some point so don't be alarmed or shocked as there is no perfect relationship because we are all human and fallible).
If you see something Unhealthy in your relationship try and work out why this is and see if you can work towards resolving it.

Warnings
* Keep your expectations about the relationship realistic.
Marriage should not be on your mind if you've been dating for a week, for example.
Nor should you think that the relationship is going to solve all of your problems, or that you'll never be lonely again, or anything like that.
Relationships can be wonderful things, but be realistic about them. Just as one can feel lonely in a crowd, one can also feel lonely occasionally when in a relationship - that doesn't mean the relationship is bad, it only means you're feeling a little down. Don't ascribe too much importance to it unless these feelings linger and begin to dominate your days and nights. If this happens, seek help; you may be spiralling into a depression.

* Do not assume that any one relationship will be perfect. It is human to experience disagreements and emotional pain. Working past these issues may be an ongoing struggle.

* Do not call it quits when you do argue. When in a state of anger, we can not rationalize and often find ourselves losing control by saying things we don't mean. Hang in there and try to work it out before finalizing a break-up that you will regret afterwards. That said, if you find you are arguing more and more, examine the possible reasons, and talk it over together.

-from WikiHow with addition in some parts

How to define Love

How to Define Love

"How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?" — Albert Einstein

Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, or at least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.

Steps
1. The dictionary defines love in the ways we use the word. For example love is:
* A strong positive emotion of. affection or pleasure. e.g. "His love for his work." or "I love cooking."
* Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking; "the theater was her first love". I love French food.
* Beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
* A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction. e.g. "She was his first love" or "She loves her husband."
* A score of zero in tennis or squash; "It was 40 love!"
* Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people. e.g. "They made love." "He hadn't had any love in months";

2. Love is characterized by the desire to do anything for that person no matter what. And you're willing to work out your problems together. And you just can't hardly breathe when you're around them and even though you may see them all the time or hardly ever it's as if you get that rush of what you felt when you got your first kiss #The Greeks defined love in four categories:
* AGAPE love is unconditional love. It is love by "CHOICE". A good example is "GOD LOVES US"
* PHI LEO love is the love of "ATTRACTION" guided by our likes or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires.
* STORGE is a physical show of "AFFECTION" the need for physical touch.
* EROS is the physical "SEXUAL" desire, intercourse.

3. Define love, what does it mean to you? Be bold and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love.

4. Be aware of moments you feel love towards anyone or anything.

5. Consider your motives, what are you getting from the situation.

6. Think about whether you'd feel the same way if the other person's looks were to change.

7. Capture that feeling with metaphors, poetry or songs.

8. Define love like a psychologist: love can be viewed triangularly. There are three key components: passion, intimacy, and commitment.
* Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
* Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
* Commitment is the decision-making part "CHOICE" of love; are couples willing to work it out?

9. Understand that love may start as harmless flirting and smiles and winks and maybe even kissing, but it is usually infatuation at this point, a more curious approach by one or both parties. While time is usually spent looking to discover more about this intriguing person, much time will be spent pondering the many possibilities of what could happen, or the consequences that may become of a certain action, or on the other hand the good that may come of it.

10. Understand that most often to the person in love there will be little left of interest in the real world, food will taste bland, concentrating will have become a serious mental struggle and even fun pastimes may seem worthless, as pacing and walking or even simply sitting or lying while thinking about the person seems a more sensible thing to do.

* This type of behavior can lead to serious disturbances at work and at home, especially if the person feeling love is already an item with somebody else with whom they may have shared these feelings at some time in the past.

11. Note that although love has never been scientifically proven to exist, it is thought; quite accurately as of yet that one can only be in love with one person or thing at a time. The part of the human being that is reserved for sharing with another (which some may call the soul, or the heart) is used up while dedicating itself to that one source, and that it is impossible to feel the overwhelming feeling twice at once.

* Although similar, love is thought not to be like pain which has definite locations; it is thought that it can move around, although usually it will reside in the lower stomach or the bottom of the throat, with sensitive areas like the temples and the legs and joints feeling stressed and weak. The mouth is often dry and the eyes seem strained, and this is all usually given the diagnosis of love sickness; or in some cases where love isn't present; influenza.

12. Understand that time does seem to be the only healer in the case of love. The full connection of two loving parties (mutually) could lead to a stronger relationship, and developments such as procreation and marriage; but in the case of a single party or the rejection of the first party by the second, or even in the case of a secret love, being in love will usually only fade after the interest is out of sight and out of mind, or gives full closure to the pursuer.

13. Realize that in some cases (especially in literature) love will last forever. No matter how much time passes by, or what obstacles become present in the path to true and pure love, love will endure. This may be far fetched from reality, but many find it to be a preferable way to think.

* Although this may be a much more joyous belief to have of love, there are also those situations where love does fail. This can be easily said to have been due to false love of mistaken identity between persons (as lovers are star crossed and are meant to find each other). Either way, the difference between feeling love and not feeling it is a distinct one, and cannot be mistaken. It is a true sickness that is present and can be more crippling than the flu, depression and many other illnesses combined.

* Love can cause war; in the cases of love of religion and the love of money; war can cause people to steal and murder, it can lead to suicide and shatter marriage and family life, it can spread disease and give birth to evil; but love is eternal and cannot be eliminated, it is what makes people human. "I think therefore I am" may also be translated as "I love therefore I am". Being able to think give us the ability to choose our partners not because of their breed or simple survival of the fittest, but in order for us to develop as human beings, and to share our love and spread it on to new generations, so that while love lasts eternally, our mark upon humanity lasts forever through our children and children's children; we have made our mark upon humanity; our genetic code will continue to be passed on and develop for ever more. This possibility is a gift, not a dedication, we have to choose as we were born with conscientiousness, not animal instinct.

* Desire is the want of more and is unfillable, not to be confused with Love which is joy and contentment.

Tips
* There are many combinations, all of which form some kind of love. Is there passion and friendship but very little commitment? This is defined as "passionate love." Are you committed but feel no passion or friendship? This is called "empty love." What most people ultimately desire, is "TRUE LOVE" the total package: passion, intimacy, friendship and commitment in one healthy relationship. It's the most fulfilling love. It is unconditional, and in my opinion the only "CHOICE".
* For inspiration, read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous poem, "How Do I Love Thee?"
* For additional inspiration, you might want to consider this Shakespeare quotation: "Love is not love/Which alters when it alteration finds" (Sonnet 116)

Warnings
* Just because you feel love doesn't mean the other person does!

* People are capable of falling in and out of love so if your "true love" turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, end it and find a healthy person to love.
* Remember there are levels of love, and true love is a "CHOICE" and just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they love you. Their actions will tell.
* Love is not a feeling. couples who have been married for a considerable amount of time, at least 10 years, can tell you that true love is not a feeling. Feelings tend to come and go; true love shouldn't.
* Love can take over your whole life if you are not careful. Let it not take you over, but become a part of who you are. When you think about the person you love it should make you want to be a better person, for them.