How to love

How to Love

Love is a strange thing. It can be the most amazing feeling in the world, or it can really hurt, but in the end love is something most, if not all of us, will face. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (even yourself), here is a general guide to loving.

1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You," do they carry it with them the desire to show someone you love them or do they carry it with them is it what you want to feel? And when you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.

2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are; and realize how they could also love you back just as well.

3. Love unconditionally.
If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.

4. Expect nothing in return.
That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for loving's sake. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.

5. Realize it can be lost.
If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love.


* It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings.
* There are many types of love, for example: a mother-son love is different from a best friend's love, which is different from a romantic love. Don't be ashamed to tell anyone that you love your friends as much as you love anyone else in your life.
* You have to find someone that will suit you, someone you feel comfortable with - not just someone to make love to.
* As a word, love can be found worldwide and is often used to describe compassion and/or emotional attachment. Accepting those you love for who they are is part of love. You also need to learn to accept yourself before you can accept another. If you cannot love your self, how are you to love another?
* Love genuinely. Do not compare your feelings now to what your feelings were when you were with another mate. At times, we can experience rejection.
* Realize that love is a feeling and attempt to assist, but ultimately, you are the one who must take action in order to discover love.
* Do things that make the other person feel good, but do not smoother them with gifts and attention.
* Consider some tips about what people in love do.
o People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavor to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it.
o Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature.

People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfillment in life.

Sometimes love is all we need
o Love does not brag. People who are truly in love refrain from rehearsing their good traits just to show off. Bragging in a relationship often is really defensiveness.
o People who are truly in love do not insist that their way is best and demand that their mates give in to them.
o People who are truly in love are considerate of each others feelings and courteous in their actions toward one another. Sadly sarcasm is a way of life for some couples. They ridicule each other, belittle each other and trade jibes with a fury. They may say it is all in fun, but it leaves wounds that will someday become festering sores.
o People who are truly in love look out for their mates' best interests as much as their own. Those in love should be concerned not only about their own individual interests, but about the interests of the other as well.
o People who truly love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we counting on someone else to meet our needs.
o People who truly love each other do not take pleasure in their mates' disappointments or failures.
o People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time.
o People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denies there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness.
* Remember there is no failure in love, because once you tell somebody who you love, that you love him/her, then you have already succeeded in love.

* You must love yourself before you can love another.
* There is always the risk of getting hurt, but that's part of letting yourself fully love and trust some one. Being hurt could be long-lasting and could hurt more than anything in the world.
* Realize what you have while you have it, and care for the person you trust.
* If something comes to an end, try to let go rather than holding on; it's for the best.
* The idea of love is fueled by childhood fantasies. The love shown in movies, as obtainable as it may be, is rare to say the least.
* You just may find your soul-mate sooner than you want to.
* If you feel any doubt of love your partner has for you, it is probably true. when you give and receive love 100%, you will have no doubt in your heart.
* Don't ask for love - you should receive love because your partner wants to give you love - not because you want it from your partner.
* Do not force love - it will come in good time, it will come.

Believe. God will give you in best time. Learn to love your self and learn to love other in right way. Soon, you'll find your soulmate.

Get the Right Man - 4

# Women could probably take a couple of pages from this generalization of the behavior of many men.

First, it is important to have a fun period of life so that they feel personally fulfilled and don't resent others in the future, particularly their husband or children.

Next, it is also important to have fun dating, and when pursuing serious relationships ejecting men who are unsuitable early so they can meet more suitable candidates. Being overly picky is not ideal, but women should not tolerate disrespect. The first month or so of dating will be filled with chemistry, but it is important for women to also take the time to "screen" men, in the same way that men screen women, to make sure their date is someone they truly want to allow themselves to get emotionally involved in.

# Many men are perfectly willing to date a woman and be sexually intimate with her without any plans of marrying her. In fact, many men date women for years that they have no intention of marrying. It is therefore important to make sure that women are clear that sex does not necessarily mean as much to many men as it does to many women, and can subject women to a lot more emotional vulnerability than men. This does not indicate that men are not emotionally involved in sex, and men often do feel hurt when a woman accuses them of "using" her. Still, it is important not to read into the meaning of sexual activity. This is something that can be seen on a hormonal level, as oxytocin (a hormone which causes the connection sensation) is released during and after sex, but is blunted in men by the release of testosterone. Please, do sex after marriage only. You will feel very great than others who do sex before marriage.

# Every stage of the relationship should be reciprocated. In the early stages of flirting, if a man is not returning advances, it is wise for a woman to move on to one of the other 3 Billion men available on the planet.
There are plenty of good guys around, it just takes a little time and a lot of first dates to find them. Men are very careful to make sure they know a woman before they commit to her. While some very shy men appreciate when a woman lets a man know she's interested, men are often frightened off by women who make very strong advances, especially of a sexual nature.
This is because a man who does not feel that he knows a woman very well will presume that very interested women must not be basing their desire for him on any part of his own personality. He will therefore perceive advances as indications that she is desperate for any man, instead of interested specifically in him. When a man has not considered the idea of a longer commitment with a woman, talking about marriage before dating at least a year (unless he brings it up first), referring to children, weddings, or any other type of strong commitment set of warning signals in a man's mind. In general, a man who is very interested in a woman will make no mystery of it, will pursue her relentlessly, and suggest marriage first.

# In sum,

men are very selective. When they are dating for fun, they are not as selective. However, when they reach the point where they are interested in marriage, they are slow and careful to get to know women.

If a woman is anxious to commit before a man has considered the idea, he may believe her to be "desperate" and therefore avoid her.
However, when a man meets a mature, "lady-like" (as he defines it), fun, interesting, fulfilled woman who is not desperate, he is more likely to see her interest as genuine, and may make himself ready for marriage sooner so that he won't lose her.

# Attracting a man can be extremely frustrating - if you are unsure about what to do. However, with confidence and a little bit of experience behind you, finding a man can be a snap!

# The first tip of dating is to imagine the type of man you're looking for. Figure it out and write it all down. The top of the list should have "respectful!" Typically, "responsible, respectful, honest" are keys, and the list shouldn't go much beyond that. You should have these same traits when dealing with men. If you find your list goes on and on, you might have some soul-searching to do.

# Once you have figured out this man, imagine where that type of person would be. Would he be hanging out at a bar? Or, more likely, would you find him golfing, hiking, getting an education, or pursuing some other similar activity?
Make a list of 10 places that you would want your future husband to frequent. From art galleries to bookstores, anything goes as long as you are legitimately personally interested in what happens there and would choose to go there on your own. Now make a point of going to those places whenever possible - as long as you continue your own, fulfilling personal life. You've probably already found that you are meeting more men just by pursuing your passions!

# You should dress in whatever way makes you feel comfortable and confident.

However, especially if you are looking for a husband, never feel that you should have to dress in a sexually provocative way to attract a man. All men are a little different, of course - but if you want to dress like a lady, don't feel you need to dress more sexual than that - you will attract men who are looking for a lady.

In general, women dressed in a way that is either too sexual or too prudish have a harder time finding men to commit. In either case, women appear to men as if they're not being themselves.

A woman who dresses in an overly sexy way looks like she's trying too hard to get attention;

a woman who is dressed in an overly conservative way looks like she's suppressing her natural self.

Make a point of confidently expressing who you are, instead of seeking approval or validation through your clothing.

# The best flirting skills are physical ones. This doesn't mean you should be overtly sexual. When you see a man who interests you, make eye contact and smile. The classic look you'll see is this: a woman makes eye contact; she notices the man watching her, blushes, and looks down; then she bravely draws her eyes back up and smiles again.

That description may be a bit too demure or feminine for your style, but adaptations on it hit a chord for men. However, confidence is key, and subservience rarely is attractive to good men (unless that is your cultural norm).

Keep making eye contact and smiling, although don't be creepy. If he looks shy and isn't approaching you after awhile, give him a wink; but if he looks uncomfortable and avoids eye contact, pick a different target.

# Once he approaches you, lean back and relax. Now is his turn to talk to you. But have fun. Joke with him. Gently tease him a little, nicely (not sexually). Tell him one thing exciting in your life, but focus on asking him about his life and commenting on it positively. If you're still attracted and he makes you laugh, touch his arm.

Don't look at your hand, but notice how he reacts. Continue to touch him at intervals. If he starts to look uncomfortable, back off with both your body language and energy level. Your smile is the key, however - men love to make women they love smile. He should initiate from there.

# Remember that although forcing yourself to be more masculine works for business, it is not necessarily a good thing when dating. If you are naturally masculine, that is fine - just don't suppress your natural femininity artificially.

# Many men love the process of pursuing a woman. This doesn't mean you should play games with him. It does, however, mean that often men like to initiate a kiss, initiate sex, say "I love you" first, ask a woman on a date, ask her to be his girlfriend and ask her to be his wife. However, there are obviously some cases where men are shy and therefore don't like to make the first move.
This can happen at times when you either haven't given them enough encouragement or they're simply shy. During the first meeting, after you've made a connection and closer to when you both have to leave, mentioning a restaurant you've been itching to go to, some hobbies you like, or the fact that your activities for that weekend have fallen through may help to bring the process along.

# Remember, during dating, that while it is fun to get carried away with your emotions, it is also fun to just sit back and enjoy the moment without expectations. Especially on the first date, sit back, relax, and keep an open mind. Don't worry about a label at first; just date and enjoy each other. Take a deep breath and just laugh. A great part of the fun is the innocent, initial stages of getting to know each other and wondering how the other person feels. Don't rush things. If things work out, he'll be calling you his girlfriend before you know it.

# Between the sheets! Is there a correct time or way? Some people would suggest waiting until marriage. Others think the first night is fine. There are plenty of examples of both methods both working and failing miserably. As with all things, a little moderation mixed with your own sense of self and confidence in yourself and your intuition is key.

# Your behavior should follow whatever you feel comfortable with. Men often can sense when a woman is acting in a way that is just to please him, including getting involved in sexual activity before you feel comfortable doing so.

In the mind of men, there are two types of women: women they date and/or have sex with, and women they marry.

It is, of course, not fair - but it is how men are hard-wired. Women are often the same - dating rebels and "cool guys" but settling down with the "nicer" guys. While this may not effect the way you date for fun, it may effect how you date for marriage. When a man meets a woman at a bar, does not know her well, sees her in very suggestive clothing, and sleeps with her the same night, even while he may argue that he respects her for being sexually liberated, it is very difficult for him to know whether this is her usual pattern of behavior or not. While men enjoy the sex, men are as emotionally fragile as women and are afraid of getting hurt by being cheated on. While men appreciate a woman who has some experience in bed and has enthusiasm for sex, they are also looking for a loyal partner. Even if the logic does not make sense, just like many women, men can be scared when they suspect a woman has had many partners because they are afraid that if they do not perform well in bed, the woman will leave them or cheat on them. How should this effect your behavior? It does not necessarily imply that you should wait just to satisfy his insecurities - but it does imply that just because you know he wants to have sex or he is pressuring you for sex, it does not mean you should have sex if you are not ready. Please do not have sex before marrieage. It is more better. You will find true meaning of love. And sex after marriage will make both of you more in love.

Is it Love, Infatuation, or Lust ??

While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction between love, lust and infatuation clearer for yourself.

Steps

1. 

   Could it be love?
   Write down everything that you associate with the person you're feeling strongly about. Example words on your brainstorm list could include love, butterflies, sex, holding hands, annoying snoring, gorgeous, etc.
2. Circle each attribute with a different color such as red for lust, yellow for infatuation, and green for love.
3. See which of the three feelings dominates the page. If one doesn't stand out (like if the distribution seems pretty equal), move on to the following steps for more insight.
4. Or is it lust?
   Read literature on the topic. Questions aboutare timeless questions that have consumed mankind throughout the ages and are a major theme in many scriptures, tales from mythology, and literature. Read the story of David and Bathsheba from the Old Testament, 1st Corinthians from the New Testament, the story of Ali and Fatima, Echo and Narcissus, or Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
5. Ask your friends or, if you find it easier, ask a complete and utter stranger, so that you get an honest opinion and an outsider's point of view. Tell that person how you feel, and ask them if it sounds primarily like love, infatuation, or lust.
6. Watch a movie that relates to your situation like "Cruel Intentions" (which is about lust, and wanting what you can't have), "Down to You" (which is about love and leaving it all down to the other person), "How to lose guys in 10 days" (which is about none of them really but it's about making a mistake and putting it right), "The Notebook," which tells a tale of life-long love and commitment, "The Phantom of the Opera" (which is about both lust and infatuation) and definitely, "Titanic" (which is about holding on to someone forever until you die - that is love - bittersweet love), also, perhaps, "The Fly" (which is about a woman who falls in love with a man who turns into a fly and then goes insane, and yet remains deeply emotionally attached through this agonizing life change - which is love) or High Fidelity (which is about learning what love really is). Yet understand, that movies are fiction that depict idealized rather than realistic love.

Tips

• Keep in mind that in most relationships, you're feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.
• To help you make tough decisions about your relationship, ask someone you trust who has lots of experience with the kind of relationship you want for yourself. For example: Say you want to be happily married to one person for life. If your parents have both been bitterly divorced three times, then they are probably not the ones to talk to. On the other hand, if they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary of bliss together, then they may be ideal to learn from.

• Lasting relationships are those that are built on love

  - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation - not love.
• Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely LIKE your mate, you're going to be miserable.
• Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?
• A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.
• Take advantage of the post coital "moment of clarity" to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heart rate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it's most definitely not love but lust.
• Give it some time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.
• Keep in mind that "True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be."
  
• What comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, What do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. True love is when you could love a person without ever "dropping your drawers" so to speak.

Warnings

• If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?
• You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person.

So guys, in all things, keep praying. Because He knows the best for us.

How to say "i love you"

Just want to help you How to Say I Love You

Although many people use this powerful phrase loosely, there are times when you want to say "I love you" in a meaningful way. Whether you're professing your love to a romantic partner or expressing it to a relative or friend, it can be difficult to convey how much they really mean to you. Love reflects the intensity of how you feel. But by keeping the following suggestions in mind, hopefully your love will not only be understood, but it will also be welcomed and returned.

STOP BEING A WIMP

1. Define love
The sincerity of the phrase is strengthened by knowing what love is, and what loving someone means to you.

Determine the difference between love, infatuation and lust, and make sure it's genuine love that you feel for this person.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. For every christian, those words may seem so familiar. But, what are we're talking is, do you act like that?

2. Make it special.
For many people, dropping the "I" allows the sentiment to be expressed casually, such as before separating (e.g. "Time to go. Bye! Love you!"). Using the full phrase, however, can be reserved for more intimate moments, especially during a special event, such as when a child is just born, or even to reassure someone when bad news has been received or during moments of cherished silence, like after a kiss.

3. Make eye contact.
If you love this person, hopefully you feel comfortable enough to gaze into their eyes when you express your feelings. Making eye contact shows sincerity and communicates trust.

4. Say it at an appropriate tone.
If you're at home and there's not much background noise, keep your volume low; don't whisper unless you bring your lips to their ear, which can also be a very intimate way to express your love. If you want to tell them how you feel in public, it's up to you whether you want to pull the person aside, or say it in front of friends or even strangers. It depends on your loved one's personality, and your own personality. Some will find it terribly romantic to be told they're loved across a room full of people; others may find it mortifying.

5. Smile.
It can be nerve-wracking to tell someone that you love him or her, only to wait anxiously for their response--especially if it's the first time either of you have verbally expressed love. The best way to overcome this fear is to not expect the phrase in return. Your intention can be to tell the person how you feel, with the hope of making them happy and showing them that they are valued. Remember that unconditional love means not demanding anything in return. So smile, and perhaps give your loved one a hug. If they love you, too, they'll say it in their own way and in their own time.

6.Be creative.
Say it in different languages. Write it into a poem or even a haiku. If you want to be romantic, spell it out with rose petals on his or her bedroom floor. Write it in code, like 1337 or using a Vigènere cipher. Say it in little ways, like post-it notes in unexpected places, and express it in every way you can.

7. Love.
Don't just say it, do it. Love is not just a feeling; it's an action.

Saying it without showing it is, in a way, a lie. Express your love in action as well as in words.

Children can show love for their parents by cleaning up their room without being asked. A person can send flowers to their partner in the middle of the week for no particular reason other than to show love. Acts of kindness for the one you love, without being asked, speak louder than words. Do things for your loved ones that they are not willing, likely or able to do for themselves.


Tips
* Holding someone's hand as you tell them you love them can also communicate sincerity and trust, but it can also convey a sense of subterfuge, which at a glance may suffice but will quickly be sniffed out by someone with a careful eye for lies; ergo, do not hold hands if you don't mean it.
* Love does not keep score. When you love someone, do not expect anything in return. There's a difference between love and bartering... "I will do this for you if you will do that for me." But always remember if you are asking something of your partner be willing to do it yourself. Don't always expect that he/she understands what you need, be open and willing to express yourself.
* Love is expressed differently by everyone. Be understanding and look for your partner's ways of expressing it to you; they may not be the same as you do or what you want them to do, but in turn you may not be doing the things the want and they should look for your way.


Warnings
* If love is unrequited, you need to be understanding and be caring towards the feelings of the object of your desire. At least they now know how you feel. It is not good to bottle up your feelings.
* Saying "I love you" in the heat of passion for the first time might not be a good idea, as the person may question the sincerity of your pledge. Follow them up with actions of kindness.
* The words "I love you" can lose their meaning in a relationship if used excessively and loosely, and if not paired with action.
* If you truly love that person then don't hurt her/him in any way whatsoever as it gives a negative impression that you are forcing them to love you.
* It is important to pay attention to the things on this list that enhance the phrase. Our language today is peppered with "love," "hate," etc. when describing things that aren't really deserving. This leads to the word "love" itself meaning less than it should. Remember, you are using simple, over-used words to communicate a very powerful emotion. It is important that other techniques are used to enhance this phrase, or else it merely comes across as trite.

-from wiki, with addition in some parts.

Women fall in love with men that treat them like dirt ?

Why do women fall in love with men that treat them like dirt but dump the men who treat them like queens?

Although this often looks like the case, know that there are women out there that do not stand for men to treat them badly and love the man they have that treat them as equal. (That may also be a problem in its self that most women like to be treated as an equal as opposed to like dirt OR a queen - you may need to tune your affection down as women often like to nurture and serve their men (not be a slave though) as these two traits seem natural to them.

Answer

"The demand to be safe in relationship inevitably breeds sorrow and fear. This seeking for security is inviting insecurity. Have you ever found security in any of your relationships? Have you? Most of us want the security of loving and being loved, but is there love when each one of us is seeking his own security, his own particular path?"

IN SIMPLE TERMS:

It is hard for one to feel good about themselves when the only thing they are used to is being treated like crap. When something good comes along they get frightened. They become unsure of what to do. They choose, becuase of their fear, to go with the things they know. (I.E. Men that treat women like crap.)

What do you think? Please write your comment , then share with us here

"I love you" Why are so miserly to give it?

Based on what has happened to us, maybe there is trauma, sometimes, "fear to love the new one" shadowing us. Do you ever feel this too? Read this article, i believe, after that, we would find, there is new fresh thing come in to your heart.

True love?
"I love you" – the three magic words which keep the world going round.

How many times have we said "I love You" to the person who have stepped into our lives with some magic. Still, we can not imagine, how's that feeling come to us. And how many times have we heard it ourselves? Why do we say "I love You" – what do we mean by it really ?

Do we say because it’s the normal thing to say, because for the sake of saying it only, because we have nothing else to say or is it that the words are music to the ears of that other person. What do you understand of the meaning of true love? And where do you find it ? Before hunting for the answers, let us first recap of our own understanding of the word Love.

True Love is strictly a low of warm energy that bonds two people in a sharing and common relationship, on a single platform. If a relationship is a tiny sapling, love is the water of life which makes it grow into a mammoth.

So if love is that secret life force, life energy, and its freely available in all our hearts, why are so miserly to give it ? Is it our fear of loss, feeling of insecurity or vulnerability that holds us back?

If you look carefully, love is something that grows inside us. It does not grow on trees that you pick at random when you want it. To be able to get love, we must learn how to give it first. Love exists in the deepest part of all our souls, as a jewel or a lamp that needs to be kindled for the energy to flow out.

If you start by having a closer re-look at your self, think how much love do you have for your own self? How far do you accept your self the way you are?

The quantum of love that you attract from those around you is exactly the same amount you give away. We mirror what is already existing in our souls. Never expect love from something, if you don’t have love for it your self.

This brings us to the critical question – are you prepared enough to fall in love ? Can you let go of your ego, pride and insecurities, and be ready just to give ?

Don’t hold back your love for the fear of hurt, just because you lost out on one relationship. Stopping to love is equal to stopping to love yourself. While we look for love, its management, and the consequent happiness is in our hands. So open up your mind’s eyes and let love roll in.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friends, Are you Christian? this below, i just want to share some verses, that has brighten my gray day up . From Isaiah 43:18-19 "Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert." (KJV)
1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."(KJV)