Want to quintuple your odds of winning in the dating game?
We surveyed a variety of top experts and learned five unbelievably effective secrets to make the opposite sex come running.
Here's how you can use them to work for you:
1. BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION
Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the center of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and nationally-known expert in the field of spacial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...) If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenters tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies.
2. THE COLOR LURE What color can you wear to compel the opposite sex to approach you? According to Color Consultant Leatrice Eiseman, Director of the Pantone Color Institute and author of Colors For Your Every Mood, women are attracted to men wearing the color blue. And why wouldn't we be? According to Eiseman, guys who frequently wear blue are "stable, faithful, constant and always there." The blue guy is a fantastic candidate for a long-term relationship -- someone who's dependable, momogomous and can match his own clothes. And what about the ladies? Eiseman says women should wear a pink- peach to make themselves most approachable. The color is "very flattering to most skin tones, it gives you healthy glow," and according to Eiseman, projects "a little vulnerability which brings out something protective in men." Want to wear a color that weeds out guys who can't handle strong women? Try a deep red, burgundy or plum. Men who aren't attracted to strong women will steer clear. Of all the colors, red is the most sensual. But, wear red with caution. "Red is the color of sex and power," says Eiseman. Red adds an element of excitement and attracts two types of men - men interested in sex, and men attracted to powerful women. Sure, you'll probably have to fend off a lot of freaks, but you could also end up attracting a guy that isn't threatened by the fact that you make a bigger salary. Concerned your wardrobe is driving people away? Stay away from what Eiseman calls "squished caterpillar yellow-green" which is said to repel both sexes equally.
3. BODY TALK THAT REELS 'EM IN How do you use body language to attract the opposite sex? If you're a woman, the key is to make yourself approachable. According to nationally-respected body language expert and professional speaker, Patti Wood, you want to make yourself a "safe" (read approachable) target. How do you accomplish that? Don't take up a lot of space (which is a sign of power and superiority.) Wood says, "we are strong women, but remember, we're trying to get a man to come over and talk to us." She explains, "you have to show you have room for someone else in your life." In addition, Wood says "to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. " Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt - signal you're listening to what the other person has to say. For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive. Body language tips for both sexes: Don't fold your arms and don't chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. According to Wood, the chewing indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions.
4. THE POWER OF A SMILE
Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Not a great big plastic game-show smile, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here" face will do the trick. According to Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness."
5. TEMPTING WITH SCENT Studies show that men associate the scents of cinnamon and vanilla with love. To make the scents work for you, try baking some ready-made cinnamon rolls about an hour before your date arrives, or, wear a cinnamon-vanilla scented perfume (there's a fabulous vanilla perfume called "Dulce Vanilla icon" ). Aromatherapy experts have long-believed cinnamon to be an aphrodisiac. According to Laura Davimes, aromatherapy and herb expert , and owner of Herban Avenues, "certain aromatic plants exude oils similar to our own sexual secretions or pheromones. Wearing cinnamon/vanilla blends increases the presence of pheromone-like substances and dramatically increases attraction." The scent of a woman? Women, according to a recent study, are attracted to a black licorice scent. So, be sure to pick up licorice or Good 'n Plenty at the theater snack bar. And, if you're at a club and happen to spill a little Jaggermeister on your shirt, don't worry about the stain, just consider it your lucky night.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - Lisa Daily is the author of "Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One " in 3 years or less" at bookstores everywhere. "This chick really knows what she's talking about!" --Howard Stern Get a FREE dating tips newsletter and fabulous man-snagging techniques at www.stopgettingdumped.com (C)Copyright 2002, by Lisa Daily. All rights reserved.
GIRLS only!!!
How to tell if he likes you (and if he's flirting with you in his special own guy-way). A lot depends on the type of guy and his individual personality.
Shy Guys
These are tough to crack sometimes... - He'll look at you, until you turn around, then boom, he's looking the other way.
- You may 'feel' like he's watching you - but he's hard to catch at it
- He may do something physical - like grab you in a play way, poke you, play with your hair...(Remember when you were really young and the guy you liked punched you or tackled you?)
- He may be working really hard to pay attention to you, but doesn't quite know how...He may ask a friend of yours about you - he'll say it's just for "friend of mine" that wants to know about you.
- He talks to everybody else - but when you're around he turns silent, or chokes up.
- You seem to accidentally bump into him a lot of different places.
- He may not say a word to you, but he shows up in the same line, at the same movie, etc.
- He'll give you a little smile from across the room, but if you get near, he won't look up.
- Basically - the BIG clue is that his behavior changes when you're around (compared to when he's around his buds or other girls).
- DEAD Giveaway - when you talk to him he turns red. (Bingo - you can pack that puppy up and take him home...)
If either of these girls (on the left or right) walks up to you, looks into your eyes for 10 seconds, then asks, "Could you tell me the time?" You REALLY think she wants to know what time it is? If you're a straight guy - and you give her the time of day and walk away, you REALLY need to learn more about BODY LANGUAGE. =) Okay, now women. This guy walks up to you slowly, keeps his eyes on you, then says, "Excuse me. Do you know where I can mail a letter around here?" You think he's desperate to find a post office? Think about it. He's smiling openly and approaching slowly with his head tilted. Hallooo! Offer to show him the way - walk with him -especially if it's a few blocks away! Think. Always be ready and aware! You never know when the perfect opportunity might be standing there in front of you. That's WHY understanding body language can REALLY pump up your love life! Body language is the quiet, secret and most powerful language of all! According to experts, our non-verbal language communicates about 50% of what we really mean (voice tonality contributes 38%) while words themselves contribute a mere 7%. Our bodies send out messages constantly and often we don't recognize that we're communicating a lot more than we realize. Our understanding and use of non-verbal cues in facial expression are familiar to us nearly from birth By familiarizing ourselves with a few basic nonverbal signals, we can improve our ability to understand what people are really communicating and become aware of what we are broadcasting to the world with our own non-verbal cues. A person's body posture, movements and positions more often tell us exactly what they mean (which may be the exact opposite of what they are saying). Many people are unaware of how loudly they communicate with their bodies. This guy might as well stand up, wave his arms and scream, "I'm a lousy cheat! Please - flunk me, now!" Our use and reading of body language is largely unconscious. We understand what a person indicates with their gestures and body positions and we send out our own messages - but we rarely stop to think about how we do it. Often when a person is considered to have great intuition about other people, their understanding is actually due to careful observation of individuals, and conscious or unconscious understanding of non-verbal communication. These people can see and interpret verbal and non-verbal language due to training or years of observation and analysis of people. We need to recognize and give credibility to our own "intuition" and "feelings" about a person or situation. One of the most basic instances involves our personal "space." We notice that when a stranger or someone gets too close, we feel uncomfortable. Unconsciously we know the distancing from others that is appropriate for our own culture. Every day we judge our own distance and respect the space of others by avoiding getting too close and follow our "feeling" to adjust to the correct distances from friends as opposed to acquaintances or strangers.
This time, i want to share something precious , :) , maybe you find your self as a shy realist.. When it comes to dating, you are a Shy Realist. This means you may have found it difficult to connect with "the one" for you. There are so many people out there, and meeting new prospects can be hard. In fact, you may be so shy that you have to muster up courage just to start a conversation with someone you don't know that well. You can feel daunted by the uncomfortable silences and small talk that sometimes follow "hello." By and large, you're not one for superficial relationships. You believe in getting to know the individuals in your life on a deeper level than most people do, particularly if they're a love interest.
The time that you take to get to know potential dates really pays off in the end. You can come to understand what makes them tick. Also, because you may prefer to see a prospective partner in good times and bad before making a commitment, you tend to build your relationships on pretty solid ground. As a result, once you've finally settled down, you can reap the rewards of all the energy it took to get you there.
Based on your characters , we can also tell that you've often relied on destiny to guide your romantic life. Tending to sit back and let the universe do its work, you may expect that one day you'll simply bump into your ideal mate like lovers do in the movies. Perhaps you've even found yourself saying, "When the time is right, love will find me." Because of this approach, meeting new people can feel like a random event. So far your search for love has demanded that you be in the right place at the right time. Sometimes fate works like a charm. After all, your past relationships have probably come from places you'd never expect. Still, if you've failed to make a proactive plan to meet people up until now, you may have found that you've gone for long stretches without dating anyone at all. If you take just a little time and make just a little effort to direct your search a bit, you could increase your chances of meeting someone right for you.
MEETING YOUR MATCH : WHERE TO BEGIN
There are many ways you can find love. But based on your personality, your best bet is to join a group doing an activity you find interesting. While you're pursuing this pastime, you can both satisfy your curiosity and create numerous opportunities to meet people who share your interest. Ever wanted to learn a new language? Join a class. Love the outdoors? Find a hiking group. You know that it takes time to get to know people, so why not spend that time doing something you love? The longer you stick with an activity, the more you'll get to know the other members. The more you get to know the other members, the better you'll be able to determine if any of them could be a candidate for love, or through their connections, will lead you to that special person
PREPARING TO DATE : YOUR PERSONALIZED CHECKLIST
You've just learned about your dating personality and how it can affect your approach to finding love. Now let's turn to some practical ways you can better prepare yourself to find your mate. Based on your characteristics, here are the top 6 guidelines to help you meet your match
The more you are in touch with your own likes, dislikes, behaviors, and shortcomings, the more equipped you'll be to find love.Not only will self-knowledge aid you once you're in a relationship, but it can also help you to feel at ease when meeting new people.When you know yourself, you can be yourself, and this brings a whole new kind of confidence to your dating style.
Just how can one become more self-aware? The most basic way is by paying attention to your actions and feelings in different situations. For a more complete view, consider asking the people who know you best, and who will be truthful, to tell you their perceptions of you. Sometimes it's hard to hear what others think of us, but be brave. You might be pleasantly surprised by what they have to say. No matter what, you'll gain valuable insights into your character.
When a relationship ends, you're typically left with a random collection of photos, fond memories, stray T-shirts, and mementos. However, what you may not realize is that each relationship also leaves a little something behind in your psyche, a reminder of the experiences you shared with another person. Some of these mental marks can be positive, like memories of laughter, special moments together, and thoughts about the times when you felt completely loved and accepted. Other marks are not so positive. Unfortunately, most people have had at least one relationship that ended poorly or one person who treated them unfairly. If you've ever been hurt like this, you know it can leave a chip on your shoulder that you carry into dating and future relationships.
No one wants to feel pain, but to truly connect with someone, it's best to leave your preconceptions at the door. Just because one love used to lie to you doesn't mean your next one will. Don't cower behind your old fears. And don't presume that if a new interest shares one characteristic with an old flame, that they share all characteristics with that person. Similarly, if you always had to nag your old flame, don't start into your new relationship where you left off with your old flame. Don't start your relationship off on the wrong foot by showing your new interest you're going to nag them for no reason.
You appreciate that finding someone you're interested in can be a lot of work. As a result, in past relationships you've likely taken it upon yourself to really get to know the person you're dating. You want to ensure that you're compatible. Typically not one to rely on love at first sight, you prefer to let your feelings about a relationship unfold slowly, layer by layer. That way you can decide over time if you and your partner are truly meant to be. By being deliberate about the process of getting to know someone, you can feel confident when you decide to end a relationship and move ahead. You've already taken the time to get to know the person and how the two of you function together.
Decisions to leave past relationships have probably been difficult ones, because you were so hoping that things would work out. Still, rather than hanging on to a picture of how you wanted your relationship to be, you tend to deal in reality. This ability to recognize what's happening in your love life and act on it will serve you well as you search for "the one" and in gaining the confidence to know when you've found them.
Chances are, there are some aspects of yourself that you like, and others you're not so crazy about. You may love that you're friendly and easygoing, but detest that you sometimes let people walk all over you. You might appreciate that you have your mother's beautiful eyes, but be endlessly frustrated that she also passed along that short gene to you. Everyone has parts of themselves that they'd like to change - although they may not readily admit to them. Rather than harp on the aspects you don't like, psychologists encourage you to begin accepting yourself as a whole person, warts and all. Remember that no one is perfect and everyone has faults. It may sound cliché, but it is our differences that make us unique. Those who can realize this truth and accept themselves for better and for worse are best able to connect with another person to find love.
Feeling good about yourself is one of the most attractive qualities you can possess. Whether you realize it or not, positivity radiates in ways that people can feel. Think about the last time you saw someone who was really at ease. They may have seemed to glide right into the room and chances are, they got more than one person's attention. But it's all well and good to say, "Feel good about yourself," when the fact of the matter is that some days are better than others.
Self-esteem fluctuates and certain events that affect it are beyond your control. However, once you know how a particular type of situation is likely to affect you, you have much more power over the repercussions. For example, if a friend of yours has a habit of making snide remarks that put you down, it's likely that you always feel bad about yourself after spending time with them. In such a case, you have options. You can stop spending time with your friend or speak up for yourself until the remarks stop. By taking either action, rather than just letting the pattern continue, you make positive steps towards building that kind of self-esteem that attracts partners.
Build upon what you have learned about yourself by creating a list of all of the positive things about you. Before going out to mix and mingle, take this list and reflect on it. After you've spent a few minutes really letting the things that you've written sink in, take a good, long look in the mirror and begin to tell yourself about what was on the list. Though it may seem strange at first, psychologists swear that these kinds of affirmations can make all the difference in how a person is perceived — both by themselves and potential mates. Speak about all of your positive qualities in a convincing voice, and feel free to add new qualities on to the list as you think of them.
Once you've mastered this task and are feeling confident about all you have to offer, consider trying something that will challenge you. Try setting up some attainable goals to help you find someone special such as, "I will speak with at least one new person tonight," or, "I will smile at one complete stranger while I am out." Once you've met these objectives, feel free to up the ante. Set goals that may be beyond what you think you are capable of doing, and then see what you are made of. You might not reach every goal, but chances are you'll be pleasantly surprised by what you can accomplish.
To further prepare yourself to get out there and meet the perfect partner, here are some thoughts to keep in mind wherever you are, to maximize your dating potential.
So much goes into making a connection with someone, particularly with individuals to whom you're attracted. Meeting and interacting with new people can be overwhelming at times. To alleviate some of this undue pressure, one of the best things you can do is go into any situation where you might meet someone with a positive attitude. Several steps can help you.
First, prior to going out, try meditating or taking some deep breaths so that you can socialize with a clear head.
Second, when you're out and about, remember to smile and make eye contact with people. There's no need to grin or stare unnaturally. Just relax as much as you can and stay open to the people around you.
Lastly, when you find yourself talking to new people that you might like to date, ask them questions about themselves. Not only will this approach help you decide whether a particular prospect would make a good match, it's also likely to put the person you're chatting with at ease. Most people love to talk about themselves and their interests, and they will typically appreciate that you've taken an interest in them.
Remember that a lot of the advice people give you about life in general still applies to dating. If someone doesn't respond to you in the way that you had hoped, don't take it personally. Instead of being self-critical, try to think of the situation in a new way. If someone didn't smile back at you, maybe they were having a bad day. If a person didn't laugh at your jokes, perhaps you two simply don't share the same sense of humor. Think of these kinds of situations as saving you a good deal of time and energy. Your efforts are best spent on people who can enjoy and appreciate you. It's far too exhausting trying to figure out how to please people and make them laugh if they don't share a number of commonalities with you.
THE DATING SCENE : GET OUT THERE
Once you've taken some time working with the advice in the previous sections, you'll be ready to get out there and apply what you've learned. Don't expect yourself to have fully mastered these tips before taking the plunge into dating.
Perfect self-esteem, complete self-knowledge, and zero emotional baggage are not realistic precursors for meeting someone special. If they were, no one would date. Instead, you can simply be aware of these ideas and learn about yourself as you go. In fact, committing to evolving as an individual and acknowledging there are still things for you to improve is the best way to come into a relationship that will need the same kind of commitment, attention, and love.
It may seem as if you've hit a wall in the dating process and have exhausted all your options to meet someone you care about. You may even feel as if the people to whom you're attracted simply don't understand you, or appreciate what a catch you are. Try not to let these feelings get you down. Make the best use of your determined spirit and try different approaches to getting to know people, from bravely approaching new strangers to reconnecting with old friends. As you experiment with different ways of interacting, note what works for you and what could be improved. Over time you can fine-tune these suggestions to make them a part of your natural routine.
You may have tried some of these suggestions before, but do yourself a favor and try them again. Because you are likely to have just learned a good deal about yourself, you may find that the techniques work differently now. Also, know that some suggestions may feel awkward to you at first. It's often hard to try new things. Only practice makes perfect.
So here's the first thing you can try: use networking to your advantage.
How to use networking to your advantage
Most people think of networking as being limited to the business arena. The word likely conjures up images of people in suits trading business cards, or someone seeking leads to find a job, or a sales person making connections to find new clients. But networking is much more than a way of doing business. It's a practice that can help you in your search to find your ideal mate.
Networking is all about using your current connections to make future ones. This technique can be put to use easily in your search for someone special. Almost anyone in your social circle is likely to have friends or acquaintances who are single and looking for a date. Just think of how many people you know — friends, work colleagues, neighbors. You can probably compile quite a long list. The key is to access this vast resource in a way that fits with your personality.
Networking offers many opportunities to meet new people and it can work for anyone — even in your shier moments — if you're willing to take a risk. As discussed above, it can be difficult to connect with people who you don't know. This being the case, it would be best to begin your networking attempts with people with whom you share a common interest. Why not try joining an organization that is dedicated to discussing your field of work? You can find a group for almost any field including engineering, medicine, marketing, and parents groups. These organizations are typically easy to join and immediately provide you with the chance to meet people who like doing the same things and have similar views on at least some larger issues.
Another suggestion you might want to try is to join the alumni association of your high school or college. Think about how easily you could strike up a conversation about "the good old days" with someone you grew up with. A past is a great thing to have in common. By participating in activities that bring your classmates together, you're likely to rekindle old friendships and form new ones. Surprisingly, you may find that people you never even spoke to during school now turn out to be the ones with whom you have the most in common. As you reminisce and forge new ties, you can also seek out networking connections who may lead you to Mr. or Ms. Right.
Finally, if you're looking for a real networking challenge, consider bringing your friends into the mix. This suggestion may not necessarily fit with your typical impulses, but why not try something new? Ask friends if they know any single, available people who could be a good match for you. When dating prospects turn up, have your friends set them up with you. This alleviates the pressure of making the first move. Dates may work out, and they may not. That's the nature of dating. Either way, you can be proud of yourself because you've broken out of usual behaviors to get yourself that much closer to finding "the one."
Source :
Clark, C., Shaver, P. R., & Abrahams, M. F. (1999). Strategic behaviors in romantic relationship initiation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 25 (6), 707-720.
Flora, J. & Segrin, C. (2000). Relationship development in dating couples: Implications for relational satisfaction and loneliness. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17(6), 811-825.
Glick, P. (1985). Orientations toward relationships: Choosing a situation in which to begin a relationship. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 21, 544-562.
Knee, C. R. (1998). Implicit theories of relationships: Assessment and prediction of romantic relationship initiation, coping, and longevity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(2), 360-370.
