How to read the signs of a lying partner Are you being lied to?Knowing whether you are being lied to or not, does not require mind reading or psychic power.
Understanding the difference between the truth and a lie can all be determined by a person's behavior, and if you pay attention to these behaviors, you will be able to have a better idea of whether you are being lied to or not.
The most important thing you should always remember to do however is to trust your instincts. If you feel you are not getting the entire truth from your partner for some reason, then listen to your instincts.
Most people are in good touch with their instincts, but rather not listen to that inner voice because they refuse to believe that their partner would deceive them in any way. Staying in touch with your instincts will help guide you in the right direction.Though instincts are a great help, they can be tricky. Majority of the times, your instincts will not lie to you, but there are times when your instincts can be influenced by your fears and insecurities. For example, you may already have fears of being cheated on, therefore you may feel that your partner is lying to you and cheating on you, when in fact he or she may be telling you the truth and completely faithful to you. This is why it is essential to understand the behavior of a liar, so that you define the difference between really catching on to a liar, or just being paranoid that your partner is lying to.
signs of lyingOne important thing to remember is that the body never lies. If there are changes in the way your partner moves (or not moves) his/her arms, hands, head and the way his/her eyes shift, then you are most likely being lied to. The reason the body language changes when a person is lying is because the person now has to think of a way to seem convincing that he/she is telling the truth. Since he/she knows that whatever they are telling you is a lie, the behavior automatically changes, because they are now trying to act truthful, instead of actually being truthful. One big sign to look out for is in the eyes. If your partner avoids eye contact with you, then he/she is lying to you. There is a fear that you will see through him or her if there is eye contact, so eye contact will be avoided.Whether you realize it or not, your body also communicates when you talk. When you are enthusiastic about telling your partner something and are telling the truth, you will move your hands around and will look into his/her eyes to make a connection. If your partner is lying however, he or she will tense up, will most likely tone down on the hand movement and eye connection and will seem different than other times. If your partner is the type to still move his/her hands around even when he/she is lying, then pay attention to the timing of the movements. Timing is everything and can define the difference between the truth and a lie. When a person is telling the truth for example, his/her hands (and whatever body movement he/she does) will move at the same time when telling you something. When he/she is lying however, the body language will be off and will usually come shortly after he/she has told you the lie. This is because they have to think about acting natural, and this thinking causes them to be off key, not to mention they are not really telling you the truth.Another sign of a lying partner is if he/she touch his/her nose or face a lot while talking to you. They will feel nervous about telling you lies and will want to occupy their hands somehow as a way to cover up their lie, such as touching the nose, rubbing their eyes and so on. Your partner may even clear his or her throat more than usual than talking to you, look away a lot and/or say 'umm' when lying to you. They are using these as time killers so they can think of how to tell you the lie in the most convincing way possible. These are just some of the signs of a lying partner and are the most common signs.
Remember, it is always important to trust your instincts first. If you feel that your partner is lying to you, start paying closer attention to his/her behavior and if there are any changes, then you will be able to catch on to the lies better and can further investigate from that point.
Since it can bring a powerful bond of intimacy and credibility in a relationship, trust is highly critical for a society to exist.
Life is always built of relationships with people, and trust is vital to fill friendship, honesty, love and passion in a relationship.
Trust is considered the central pillar supporting a relationship, and is compared to the concrete foundation of a house. In other words, trust in relationships is a two-way street, demanding equal proportion of respect from either side to manage it effectively.
Any relationship, whether it is personal, business, organizational, community, family, love, or romantic, cannot survive without trust.
But, unfortunately, trust in relationships is now rare. Lack of trust may have a negative impact on one?s life. It can destroy the glory of relationships, thereby paving way for jealousy and devastation. Hence, modeling trust in relationships is important to improve the value of a long term deal. Trust in relationships generally depends on how true we are in expressing our feelings to others, particularly to those who are very close to us.
However, it is quite difficult to gain trust in a relationship. Building trust in relationships need considerable effort, commitment and time. Here are some steps to build trust for the maintenance of a healthy relationship.
The foremost step is to be predictable.
Consistency should be maintained in all the activities you perform. Another vital step to build a healthy relationship is to make sure your words match the message. Belief in others, awareness of one?s needs, and ability to keep secrets are also important for building trust in relationships.
Honesty is also a key to build trust in any relationship. Factors such as insightfulness, responsiveness and unbiased opinions must be considered for winning trust in relationships. Once the trust is established, it can bring many benefits including huge profits with minimum cost, improvement in the reputation of a firm, and enhancement in the quality of relationships. Associate retention, effective communication, and motivation can also be gained through trust in relationships.
Article Source: EzineArticles.com Kent_Pinkerton
Forgiveness and Letting Go in Your Marriage or Relationship
Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a critical tool for a marriage relationship.
Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep yourself healthy both emotionally and physically.
Health Aspects of Forgiving
If you hold on to old hurts, disappointments, petty annoyances, betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more - hate and extreme bitterness.
Lack of forgiveness can wear you down.
Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either our physical and mental well being.
How to Forgive
* Be open.
* Make a decision to forgive your spouse.
* When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts.
* Don't throw an error or mistake back in your spouse's face at a later date. Don't use it as ammunition in an argument.
* Don't seek revenge or retribution. It will only extend the pain.
* Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression.
* Remember that forgiveness doesn't mean you condone the hurtful behavior.
* Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don't try to hurry the process.
* If you continue to be unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt, please seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive. Don't forget to praying for your marriage from your first time.
How to Ask for Forgiveness
* Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you've caused.
* Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your spouse again by repeating the hurtful behavior.
* Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt.
* Be open to making amends.
* Be patient with your spouse. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don't dismiss your spouse's feelings of betrayal by telling your spouse to "get over it."
Marriage Relationships Need Forgiveness
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they do not mean now and then.
Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven. No relationship, especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness.
Even though you may find it find it difficult to forgive, being able to forgive is crucial in marriage.
Knowing When Enough is Enough (in relationship) If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to say enough is enough and to end your relationship. In these situations, forgiveness for the past hurts may take longer and that is okay.
Knowing When Enough is Enough (in marriage) If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to ask help from consultant or your spiritual leader.Don't forget to pray. By His grace, you will have more understanding about your self and your spouse, and how to make solution next time.
From Sheri & Bob Stritof, with additions in some parts.
1. Acknowledge that the relationship is really over. Come to terms with your own feelings and make a firm decision to end the relationship.
2. Don't delay the inevitable. Once you decide to break up with your partner, immediately think about how, when and where you will take action.
3. Make sure you're the one who personally delivers the news. Don't give a third party the opportunity to tell your partner that you want to break up before you have the chance to discuss the matter alone.
4. Select a private place to meet with your partner to end the relationship.
5. Find or schedule an appropriate time. Approach the topic when both of you are calm and rational. Don't announce your intention to break up during a heated argument or a moment of anger.
6. Show your resolve by being firm, decisive and honest. Help your partner understand why you want to end the relationship. Be tactful, not brutal.
7. Remind your partner that you'll never forget the positive qualities in your relationship, but emphasize that you're ready to move on with your life.
8. Give your partner the closure that he or she needs to accept the breakup; answer questions and talk it over instead of leaving loose ends.
9. Stay positive as you both make plans to go your separate ways.
By Whitneay T. Vanwells In our counseling work with our clients here at FusionMasters TM Ltd., we have run into one main issue that keeps repeating itself. That issue is 'how to find true love'. Below are some of the reasons that we have received from our clients that they have found to block them on their journey to find true love.
1. Mother and Father programs. We all had someone, or a group of someone's that raised us. They had problems that someone gave to them in their early childhood. These subconscious blocks and programs, are handed down, through day today contact with the same people. Depending on who raised you, and what they carried, you also have the identical blocks and programs in your subconscious mind. Regardless of the fact that you might have said: "No matter what, I will not be like THEM! You inwardly, copied their deep subconscious beliefs, and recorded it in your own mind. When 2 people get married, they are generally O.K. for about a year. It is after this time, that the subconscious blocks and programs start to surface. Even if you have a true love relationship, or that possibility, this will happen. Soon, you are wondering who the heck you married. "I didn't notice THAT when we were dating!" Is a common statement, that we hear. But, what you really don't like about your partner, is their Mother and Father blocks and programs, their subconscious childhood programming. This programming is part of the karmic burden, that they are working on in this life time. And, the problems begin in a relationship, when these programs start to surface so that the person can work through them. And, who do we play these old programs on, but the very person, we love and trust the most, our mate.
2. The Munchkins. Next, a little passenger shows up. The parent programs that you transferred to your partner, you are now also saying and doing to your child. Sad. This is what you swore that you would never, ever, do! You might stuff some these programs, but when they come out you don't like what you are saying and doing and worse yet, you can't seem to stop! Tears come, or a new drinking habit materializes, because you just can't take it. You are now beginning to realize that you have a big problem, and the problem is inside. You try to stop. But, you soon find, yourself repeating the same copied rage over, and over again. You might mistreat your mate, you might mistreat your children, and you hate yourself for what you are doing, and saying. Most of the population never do any work on themselves, and a few start, and soon give up on therapy. Only to become a hardening copy, of their own parents over time. Most stay within this loss of identity for life, believing that there is no way out. This is the mind's way of keeping control.
3. Self Hatred. When you are not able to be yourself, and to communicate as yourself, you soon start a struggle with your mind, and ego. My husband also had a struggle with his mind, and his parents inside of him. We were a dysfunctional couple, and our little family was also dysfunctional. Neither of us realized that the whole world was based on dysfunctional programs, that were handed down from parents to children. We didn't know that the difficulties that we were experiencing, the neighbors next door were dealing with as well. In our childhood homes we had learned about rage, self hatred, and self anger. When rage, and self hatred live inside of us it takes up the space where self love could exist.
4. Divorce.At some point you reach the conclusion that your marriage sucks, and that you want out of it. You might have slept with someone else, or you new, favorite past time, might be bitching about what a loser your partner is. All women have universal man hating programs, and they are notorious for complaining to other women about their spouse. New fantasies about having sex or a relationship with someone new might become common place. Soon, one of you, either yourself or your spouse, is more fed up than the other, and goes to see a lawyer and files for divorce. Let the games begin. During the divorce process, and after the divorce, you might fluctuate between sadness, and lashing out at your ex-spouse....the person that you once believed walked on water. Some how, in your confusion and pain, you forgot who your partner was, who you are, and who your children are. The problem is still inside.
5. The Warehouse. There is a second, Big 'D'. That would be known as depression. Depression, is really just another name for anger, and for feeling used, let down or betrayed. The trust was broken in the relationship but, most likely by both parties. A deep hurt prevails. At the center of this vast hurt, is what We call the "Warehouse". The warehouse is the store room of all your past life hurts and this life hurts. When we go through a big trauma, like a divorce, this warehouse opens up. That is why the pain can be excruciating. You are not only feeling the loss of love from the adult relationship dying, you are also feeling ALL of your childhood hurts, and even past life pain. The pain is excruciating, and over overwhelming. If you have abandonment issues, you might also feel, the severe loss of love, from your early childhood.
6. The Cross Roads. Now you come to a new place in your life. You can continue to create more of the same, and end up going through a second divorce with someone that will most likely be very much like your first partner........Or. You might turn to a new religion. This may not be a religious path like becoming a member of the Catholic Church. This is a new, inner, religion is to find out: "Who The Heck Am I?" This is not an ordinary religion. This religion has to do with finding the true altar within, your true Self. You looked for you, in money, and for some reason, you weren't there. You looked for you, in your work, and again, you were not there. You looked for you in a life partner, and the above story blew that away. But, some place, inside of you, on one of those very dark nights, when you thought you might be better off to just "check out", something very good happened. Maybe in the dark of the night, came one of those Great Souls from the other side, who whispered gentle divine messages to you. Messages, that you thought were your own thoughts. Whatever method Spirit chose to talk to you, you were given the gift of 'the cross roads'. The cross roads, is the realization that you have the choice to either create more chaos in your life or that you can turn your attention towards discovering your own identity.
7. The Seeker. Perhaps you have come to this web site, because you are looking. You are looking for love, or your are looking for self love. You might have been on the path for a long time, or maybe a year or two. You might just be starting to look for you, now. You have many battle scars on your heart, but you forge ahead. You are now, 10 times the person that you were when you were a small child, though you may not be at all aware of the changes in yourself. To become the receiver of love, you know that you will have to work on learning to give real love. You might be a meditator, a member of a new age religion, or you have attended a ton of personal growth seminars. You might be at a point where you could give a seminar. And, it would most likely be a good one. You have been through many battles of the ego, and you have won battles, and others, you are still fighting. You finally realized that to have, and keep true love, that you had to develop a love relationship with YOU, first. You are now the Knight, no matter if you are male or female, and you are ready to receive true love.
8. Is Some Body Out There! You are now a prime candidate for a true love relationship. But, there is one last hurdle, to jump over. Because of all of the work that you have done on your SELF, you are now too far above the majority of the population. You are not willing to accept a partner that has not done the same work, that you have done. That would be going down hill. And, people like you, are very hard to find. Celibacy, is not your cup of tea. You miss touch terribly. But, you would rather be celibate, and have a great time in the shower, than hook up with a partner, that doesn't know who the heck THEY ARE. But, you realize that you are on the last part of your Journey and you also know that you only need 1 person, and only 1, and that they are out THERE. And, they are looking for YOU.
9. True Love. By now, you might have learned to love, and care for yourself. You get bummed out sometimes but you know that everyone does. You take responsibility for your emotions, and your life. You care about you. You might even know something about unconditional love. You are now ready, so in walks your life partner ... Like attracts like, and like you, they are thrilled. They knew that they had to do their homework. They knew about the cross roads, and the effort that it takes to become a magnet for love. Like you, they found the religion of the Self, and worked hard to unravel the ego. Like you, they would not settle for less, they waited, and searched. Like you, they are in ecstasy, knowing that they really have found "The One" - YOU! You are realizing a dream, your wish made manifest after so many painful years of searching. Now, the 2 of you can share the real Journey, the Journey Home to God.
Your Life Journey, might have other twists than the above story. You might have loved yourself enough to NOT have to go through some of these stages. Maybe you went through them in another life. You might be experiencing one of these stages right now. You might have already found true love. For those of those of you that have found true love, you already have your Blessings. For those of you, who are on the Journey to find your True Love....... you have ours.
When it comes to jealousy, the problem and the cure can be simpler than the green-eyed monster would have you believe!
The problem:
There is a popular idea that when a person is jealous of attention his or her partner is receiving from or giving to others, he or she really wants to get rid of the partner. It is as if when you are jealous, you have a subconscious desire to break up with your partner; therefore, your jealousy will chase him or her out of your life.
We disagree. Just think about the last time you felt jealous of attention your partner was receiving from others, especially if your partner is still in your life. Did you want to get rid of him or her? Or did you, rather, feel threatened that the other person(s) would steal him or her away.
Now, there are people who are chronically jealous and use their jealousy to abuse those they claim to love. However, we are not talking about that kind of jealousy. We are talking about the kind where he has a friend with whom he has enough camaraderie that it gets your attention and gets on your nerves. Or she has someone at work who regards her highly and she appreciates that regard just enough to make you feel uncertain, like you had better pay attention to this friendship.
This kind of jealousy, when confronted, results in conversations that break down because your partner doesn’t get what’s wrong! He or she is so convinced of the legitimacy and integrity of these friendships that your jealousy is perceived as something that just should not exist at best, annoying or insulting at worst. His or her lack of understanding, perhaps lack of compassion, makes your feelings worse instead of better.
The unwise will put his or her partner in the position of making a choice between the friend and the partner. The wise will resist putting his or her partner in that position and will continue to struggle with the issue. If told that your jealousy is a signal you desire to be free of your partner, you will likely give back an angry response! You do not want to get rid of your partner. What you desire, more than anything, is to feel secure inside your romantic relationship.
Jealousy comes down to a lack of self-worth. The resulting behavior may indeed get rid of the partner, but that is a symptom and not the problem. The problem is a lack of foundational value within the jealous person. You simply do not feel valuable enough to be secure in the knowledge of your partner’s love.
This could extend to friends, parents, and children. Persons who are jealous are rarely only jealous of a single person in their lives. Jealousy is an issue that rears its monster green head over and over again. The problem isn’t with the other people, it’s with you not loving yourself enough.
If you are trying to get rid of your partner, you are likely trying to control when and how he leaves in an effort to both prove your sense of worthlessness as well as pretend to hold on to the dignity of at least being the one in control of the leaving. That isn’t the same as wishing to be rid of your partner and choosing a neurotic way to get rid of him or her.
The cure:
In the jealous person’s worldview, an ideal reality may be that all you have to say to her is, “Please stop seeing him,” and she does; or all you have to say to him is, “Please reassure me every time I need to be reassured,” and he does. In life, though, we need our friends and extended family as much as we need our intimate partners and immediate family. In addition, we need those people to be from a variety of age groups with both sexes represented. Life is simply fuller and healthier when we have large support systems with lots of perspectives available. Life is also fuller and healthier when our intimate partners are not only confident of our love but also experience that confidence from within.
When you are suffering from jealousy, you need to know that you belong to your partner and your partner belongs to you. How do you fill yourself with confidence that your intimate partner is still crazy in love with you and desires only you? There are a number of ways to accomplish this.
If your partner can tolerate hearing you process about the relationship that makes you jealous, do your best to keep it at a minimum. Use I-statements when you talk about it. Make the conversation be about your feelings, your experience. Refrain from making him or her wrong, but ask for support. For example, if she is willing to interrupt meals by accepting phone calls from her friend, ask her to stop. Request that she let her friend know she won’t be taking phone calls during meals but will call him back when she gets the chance. Expect her friend to respect your relationship.
You are working to heal your jealousy, let your partner know you expect your process to be respected and your feelings to be cherished. You are not asking her to let go of the friendship. She needs to respect the ways the friendship impinges on your life by setting good boundaries with her friends and family.
When making love, be present. Pay attention. Be real with the fact that he only shares this with you! There may be a world of people out there who admire him and want him to be their friend, but this he does only with you. Whenever there are moments that declare you are his alone and he is yours alone, really be present with those moments!
Never process your jealousy when the two of you are being intimate. That can come across as punitive and can ruin the moment for days to come.
Let him know you desire reassurance. If he thinks that lovemaking alone should reassure you and it doesn’t, be honest. Friendships are luxuries that carry a lot of responsibility. One bit of responsibility is that we not use a friendship to hurt another, whether purposefully or by accident. This is especially true when the one being hurt is our intimate partner.
Speaking of the responsibility of friendship, if you need the freedom to process your jealousy outside of the relationship, choose wisely. Choose a friend who loves your mate, someone who will refrain from judging him or her and truly assist you in processing your experience and your feelings. If such a person doesn’t exist in your life, a trained professional will do. However, if that professional chooses sides, even your side, that person is no longer a wise choice.
You are not asking someone to help you drive a wedge between you and your partner. You are asking for assistance to heal the jealousy that resides in you, acknowledging that it is your responsibility. Such assistance will not come from someone who needs to choose sides.
Spend as much time as you can loving yourself! We create that which we put our attention on. The more you love yourself the more the people in your life show up to love you. More importantly, the more you love yourself, the greater your confidence grows.
If you are struggling with jealousy, you need to know beyond any doubt that you are worthy of your partner’s unconditional love and positive regard. Your partner cannot give that to you. Life may not have given it to you yet. Your parents may not have had it to give. Nevertheless, you can give that worth to yourself! Love you! Love yourself as though you are crazy in love with you until it is true and then love yourself some more.
More than physical attractiveness, more than an attractive personality, confidence is sexy!
Confidence will turn his head again. Confidence will make her sit up and take notice. Confidence will make you more attractive to yourself as well as to your partner. It will fan the flames of healing self-love and it will fan the flames of your romantic love.
Friendships outside of primary relationship come and go. A time will come when your partner’s friend is less present in both your lives. When that starts to happen, go ahead and celebrate that fact between you and you! Let it remind you that yours is the primary relationship. Let it remind you that you belong to your partner and your partner belongs to you.
As your jealousy heals and the anger fades, celebrate the love between you and your partner. One of the problems jealousy brings with it is an ever-present sense of anger that can require so much time and attention that you may wonder how you will get along without it! You will get along without it.
As opportunities for laughter and affection increase, as processing gives way to conversations about hopes and dreams for the future, as you continue to share experiences that bond you, your confidence in your own worth will continue to grow within yourself and within the relationship. You will find there is room for both of you to have as many friends and family members in your life as you desire. Moreover, life can be full, rich, and rewarding, as you indeed grow old together.
About The Author
Copyright, all rights reserved, 2008; Joseph and Sarah Elizabeth Malinak are the authors of "Getting Back to Love," the definitive book on the mama’s boy/daddy’s girl relationship that is so prevalent today. It is available at amazon and at http://www.GettingBacktoLove.com. Find the Malinaks at http://www.IdealRelationships.com where you can sign up for their FREE newsletter, The Art of Creating an Ideal Relationship! Joseph can also be found at http://www.josephmalinak.com.
This may be the most important article you’ll read about dealing with your husband’s affair. There’s plenty of information available on what to do if your husband is cheating. But very little has been written about the things you shouldn’t do.
Your husband is cheating. You’re not sure what to do. Before wrestling with that decision, let’s focus first on what you SHOULDN’T do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they later regret -- things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they may later receive.
This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad situation worse. Let’s look at 5 key things you SHOULDN’T do and examine the reasons why.
1. Don’t put him out or leave him - yet.
Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it’s the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what’s going on. It’ll be easier to do that if the two of you are still living under the same roof. If you put him out or leave, you’ll be hard-pressed to know what he’s doing, short of hiring an investigator. As long as you’re still together, you can keep your finger on the pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There’s a lot you need to know about the situation before you can make an intelligent decision about what to do. Continue monitoring your husband’s activities, attitude, the frequency of his contact with his lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he’s still there, you have a chance to work things out.
2. Don’t tell the whole world about his infidelity.
It’s natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband’s affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the “other woman.” Make sure you’re confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband’s affair could complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they’re in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband’s friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not take you seriously, or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren’t the only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they’ve been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband’s affair.
3. Don’t ignore his affair or pretend it’s not happening.
Going into denial will only make matters worse. As traumatic as it is to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the go-ahead to continue his affair. Pretending it’s not happening will make him think he’s getting away with his cheating, or give him the impression that he has your silent approval. At some point you should inform your husband that you know about his affair and make it clear that you want it to stop. The sooner you confront him about his cheating, the better. The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the more attached he will become to the other woman. And the harder it will be to get your marriage back on track. Remember too, that affairs thrive in secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you know about it, will be enough to put a stop to his affair.
4. Don’t confront him without the 3 P’s – Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose.
Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. DO NOT ask your husband if he’s cheating. CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Present the evidence you’ve gathered that proves he’s having an affair - names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it’s been going on, how he feels about the other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you’ll be able to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT PROOF OF HIS INFIDELITY. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he’s been cheating, the information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. If you need proof, there’s a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software or surveillance equipment. “Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs” will help you find all the proof you need using only your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and the information in this book.
5. Don’t waste your time and energy on the other woman.
One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other woman. It’s natural for you to be curious about her, but she’s not worth your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs. Don’t obsess over the details of what happened between the two them. Concentrate on working things out between the two of you.
Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She’s not obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling the her will only make your husband come to her defense. You’ll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart Forget about the other woman and focus your energy and efforts on getting your marriage back on track.
Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final outcome depends on the way you handle things when you first discover your husband’s affair. In the initial stages, you may be unsure exactly what you’re going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes, leaves the way clear for whatever decision you eventually make.
© 2003 by Ruth Houston
Yahoo! Personals Canada About The Author:
Ruth Houston is the author of “Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs.” To learn more about her book, sign up for her infidelity newsletter, or receive a FREE Infidelity report and list of 29 Telltale Signs, visit her website at http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or mailto: CheatingSigns@aol.com
