Tips For Guys

Improve Your Scent
Author: Julian Foxx

It is time to talk about hygiene guys.
According to scientific data, women choose their mates due
to perceived strength of the man's immune system. It can
also give a better chance of survival to her offspring.
Recent research also suggests that the SCENT of a man
determines his immune system's strength.

You may wonder how it all relates to dating. Well it is one
of the factors that gives a high impact to the level of
success you have with women. Some factor could be your
posture, social circle, fashion sense, and of course your
looks.

The point here is that there's no point mastering every dating skill if you are still funky or something. So here's something to work on yourself. Its a bit risky and well, scary but it will be worth it.

First find someone you can trust with and ask them you need a serious favor. Then make them swear that they would be completely honest with you. After that, get close to them
- really close - and exhale directly into their face without warning them. You don't have to 'blow' into their face but make sure you go "hhhhaaaaaahhh, " right from the
back of your throat.

Important that you know the truth. Ask your friend to rate your breath and body odor on a scale of 1-10 - with 10 being the highest - so as to get an honest answer. That
way, you'll get a more honest answer.

Here are your dating tips for a real fresh breath aside from listerine, flossing, and brushing:
1. Use a tonge scraper - get the ones that are long and wirey looking and not the ones that are attached to a toothbrush.

2. Mint-a-sure - these are little capsules you swallow that gives you fresh breath from the belly. If they are not available in your local drugstore, get them online. You don't have to chew a gum with these ones.

For a Great Smelling Hair:

3. There are a lot of known good brands of shampoo and conditioner for men. But it will not be effective for you unless you really scrub it into your scalp with your fingers.

For a Great Smelling Body:

4. Use a loofa or exfoliating gloves in the shower along with soap and then a body wash.

5. Baby wipes - use them after you take a crap. You might hesitate on this one but girls will feel a lot better about putting her mouth where the sun don't shine.

6. If you have an underarm odor issua, try shaving (or trimming) your armpits. They'll not only look better but will help in your anti-perspirant. The armpit hair is functioning as a barrier to your anti-perspirant also.

7. Then again, if underarm odor is an issue, you can also use prescription strenth anti-perspirant like Certain Dri. Apply it before going to bed but make sure not to put too
much of it.

Applying these dating tips will not only increase our success rate with women but will also make us smell better to the people around us. Also, when we do these, we'll know
that we smell great and that's a confidence booster for all of us. In the pickup artist and dating community, confidence is one of their secrets. So we should have it with ourselves as well.

About the Author: Julian Foxx is considered by many to be the fastest Rising Star in the pickup artist and dating community. His jaw dropping effectiveness with women is matched only by his ability to innovate powerful new techniques, giving their user a ridiculously unfair advantage. To discover cutting edge dating tips for guys check out http://www.julianfo xx.com

Get the Right Man - 2

Well, guess what? Men can see that, too. And that internal void scares men away like nothing else. Men pursue their dreams. Because of that, many men go through life fulfilled, not needing women, simply enjoying sex, until one day around age 25 or 30 they feel ready to settle down and find a wife.
On the other hand, very often women just pursue men instead of their dreams. That leaves a big gap. That puts all the responsibility for satisfaction in your life on a man. And that leads to the desperate, dramatic, and clingy behaviors that men run away from and that women hate when they see it in themselves. One of the biggest issues in sustaining a healthy relationship is developing a balanced use of your own time and especially your energy.

The habits necessary for a good relationship are essential to practice now, before you have a partner. You must, each week of your life, throughout your life:
a) take some time for work, whether it be furthering your career, bringing home the bacon, advancing your education;

b) have positive experiences with him, whether it be a weekly date night (without the kids) or, during exceptionally busy periods, checking in before he goes to sleep, giving him a kiss when he gets home, and asking him how his day went;

c) Time to regain your energy. Every single week. In order to truly be a good spouse and good mother, you owe it to your children to take the time to revitalize. Whether it means you need a babysitter once a week or whether your husband or friends take care of the kids, you need time, alone, each week relaxing. Cheap or expensive, whether it be by getting a massage (maybe from your sweetheart!), gardening, painting, going to Starbucks with a friend, whatever fills you with energy; Next,

d) Pursuing your passions. Whether it's garden club, hiking club, scrap booking - whatever it is, you must make an unwaivering commitment to it. Sure, a couple times a year, you'll miss a meeting; but you need to commit to it. Committing to it will, again, give you passion for your life and help the men in your life (especially your children) to respect you. There is no need to get emotional about this commitment.
Just calmly explain that you get energy from this commit to allow yourself to be a better wife and mother. Finally,

e) Time with friends. This is something both you and your love need. Some of this time can be spent as two couples together; but the most important time you can spend is with your "girlfriends," connecting as women (in the same way as he needs to connect to men). Do not expect your husband to bear the brunt of your emotions.
Emotions are something that women tend to understand best. While it is important to be able to connect emotionally with your partner, it is far more important to have a safe, open group of friends that you can connect to as well, if not every week, every other week. The excuse of time is simply not applicable here.

People who properly revitalize themselves through "alone" time, relaxation, and time with friends have enough energy to accomplish all of this, each week, while still maintaining a healthy family life and job.

For help with this, check out the book, "The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal". If you truly feel you cannot accomplish this in any given week, schedule it in so you accomplish it within every 2-week period.

There is, however, one last step. The step you perhaps avoid. The step you want to do, but somehow always find it hard to.
Exercise. Exercise, that source of agony - but also a source of energy. Something you'll find, once you commit to it for a month, will be something you start looking forward to. But don't look at exercise as a step to losing weight. Instead of a goal of, "I want to lose 5 lbs this month," set a goal of "I want to walk for 20 minutes, 2 times a week, every week this month. If I miss a day or two, that's ok, I'll just start right up again." You'll never need to do more than 20 minutes of cardio (if you want more challenge, try interval training) - and once you've been staying strong with your 20 minutes each week, perhaps get a personal trainer or very knowledgeable friend who can help you put together a 20-minute strength training routine. Add 10 minutes of stretching, and you've got all the exercise you need, 2-3 times a week. Don't allow your friend or trainer to over-burden you, however.
Don't even think about weight loss.
Focus only on building a habit and making it consistent.

Success will be looking back on your calendar and saying, "I didn't miss one of my eight workouts this month!"
Yes, exercise will make you look better. But it will also make you healthier, more energetic, more vibrant, more mentally cued in, and happier!
Plus you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you are doing a good thing for yourself. This step is extremely important for building a natural sense of self-discipline and confidence. If either of these is an issue for you, try getting involved in a challenge course.

So now you know what you need to accomplish each week. Great! It will take some time to get to the point where you fully incorporate it, however. And once you do find a man, you will have to have the strength to say, "I'm sorry; I can't do it tonight. I already scheduled something else. Perhaps next week?"

This first section will take some time to develop. Even then, it is a lifelong process. You must develop the strength to do it, getting stronger and stronger over time.

When a man comes across a woman with a fulfilled, satisfied life, who stands by what she does and shows she puts herself first so that she has enough energy to love and respect those around her, shows that she values herself and doesn't need a man to fulfill her
(only having a man in her life because she loves HIM specifically, not because she NEEDS any man),
a man will be very, very hesitant to do anything that would let her leave. So commit to pursuing your passions and dreams. You are worth it.

And if you want a truly wonderful man, you owe it to him to discover how to energize and revitalize yourself, so instead of draining him, you are a constant source of energy in the relationship. For yourself, and for your relationship, even if you are extremely poor and must find very cheap sources of passion and excitement, make a commitment today to take the next 60 days and focus, each day, on fulfilling each of the steps above, from pursuing your passions to taking time for yourself

So - it's been a month or two. You've worked each day on building a more fulfilling life. You find satisfaction in it. You realize that, the more satisfaction you're getting out of your life, the more consistently you exercise, the more energy you have to do well at work, at home, and in relationships. You're learning to take time for yourself and not feel guilty. You're beginning to see a difference in your life - you're more confident, you see people respecting you more, and perhaps you're even building a larger social network. There was some resistance from friends or family - but you recognized that they wished they were also doing what you were and kept going.

Sure, time management was hard at first - but by renewing your energy and checking out a couple books, now you feel like you have more time than ever! You're a better partner, a better worker, and feel like a new woman. Congratulations!
-continue to Get the Right Man -3

Get a Man to Marry You

Finding a guy is one thing, but keeping him around is another. Both are important steps. But what are some of the secrets of women who find men willing to commit?
This is not an all-encompassing guide, but it may be a start in helping you develop deeper relationships.

Steps

1. Love yourself.
If you're not happy with who you are then don't expect others will be. Analyze yourself and change what you don't like. Positive self-esteem is key.

2. Know your role.
An important part of any relationship is making both partners aware that they have a crucial and indispensable role to play.

3. Be emotionally grounded.
Life with you should not be a roller coaster ride. Men generally like women who are stable, and vice versa.
Sometimes this is a difficult task in our hectic lives, but it is not impossible. If you find yourself referred to as a "drama queen" in more than one instance, seek help and guidance in relaxing your nerves and calming your emotions.

4. Men are often slower to commit because they are very careful about getting to know a woman before they commit to her.
They date first before becoming a boyfriend, they stay a boyfriend first before getting engaged. This is often hard for women, but there is a lesson to be learned from it. They make sure (as women should) that they feel compatible on all levels. This process must happen at its own pace. Pressuring a man to make a decision before he feels he knows you will inevitably lead him to doubt. Don't talk about marriage until either he brings it up or it's been about a year.

5. Keep dating fun, as it should be.
If dating goes well, and your interactions are positive, he'll want you to be his girlfriend. If he builds experience with you and sees you as a person he wants to be with forever, he will get more serious about his future and work, start considering longer-term goals such as buying a home, and begin to discuss the future more and more. Only once he has made a decision about you and feels prepared and mature enough to propose will he do so.

6. Show confidence.
Be sure of yourself, and ready to tackle whatever is before you. Many men love confident women. How can a man not feel privileged when he earns the esteem of a woman who values herself so highly?

7. Show endearment with class.
A certain look. A scratch on the back. A soft kiss. Nothing "clingy" or inappropriate.

8. Appreciate a man's strengths.
And tell him so, even if he's already prideful. Then support him when he is at his best, and avoid nagging or berating him when he is at his worst.

9. Be fun.
This sounds basic, but it's a critical factor in any relationship. Have a sense of humor. Don't be uptight or negative.

10. Overflow with joy.
Women who are glad to be alive and are enjoying every minute of it may be irrepressibly attractive to men.

11. Glow.
If the warmth of your heart is written all over your face, and your feelings for your guy show in the sparkle in your eyes, you will melt him. This is what removes all doubt - it's the important "silver bullet".

12. Practice humility.
A humble person is not someone who downplays herself; it is a person who controls her ego and shows a genuine interest in others.

13. Date.
It may not be obvious, but you actually have to go out on dates with a man and commit to a relationship before he will propose. The term "date" in modern culture is vague and sometimes redefined as something more than it is. Simply converse with a man and get to know more about each others' lives.

14. Don't assume.
Some men wait slightly longer than you might want before they ask. If he is really worth marrying, you should be willing to wait (within reason). But if he is uninterested (or worse, making excuses) even after a long period of time, you need to reevaluate the direction of your relationship. Remember, great romances are not built on bargaining and ultimatums - in the best marriages the man is the one initiating conversations about marriage. Sometimes allowing a man to lead the direction of a relationship is in-line with your desires. Try it, you'll like it.

15. Remember that romance runs both ways.
If you want to be respected and treated as an equal, do the same for him. Be romantic. Make him want to be in this relationship. Don't be a cheapskate. Men often enjoy romance too; pretending otherwise will only drive him away.

16. Remember that some men are perfectly willing to date women they really like but don't see as "marriage material."
If, after six months to a year, you still haven't heard him refer to his future plans for marriage or family (with or without you) you may need to ask, "What qualities do you look for in someone you see yourself committing to?" If he mentions qualities he's complimented you on, take it as a good sign. If his compliments are largely related to sex, it probably is not.

17. If you feel the need to have a serious talk, reconsider the approach.
Instead of coming at him with a serious tone (which will bring up his innate fear of pressure for commitment), be upbeat and positive. "I really love spending time with you. I really feel happy around you. But I just want to double check and see if we're on the same page. While I know it is too soon for us to worry about it, I do want to get married in the future and want to make sure I'm dating someone who has the same values as me. As we get to know each other better and better, are you beginning to see me as someone you could possibly see that happening with?"

18. Convey unconditional love.
A strong relationship should be based upon more than convenience. Pushing past difficult times while remaining together requires a deep commitment and appreciation for one another. Unconditional love is developed over time. It is a choice we make, not necessarily a feeling we experience.

19. Set goals.
Marriage itself only works when you're moving forward, so it's good practice to start now. Generally speaking, men like women who know who they are and where they're going, even if some of the goals need to be changed a bit down the road.

Tips
* A comfort with, and affinity towards men is non-negotiable. No man will commit to spending the rest of his life with a "man hater"... nor should he.
* If you disrespect a man by openly flirting with other men his presence, don't expect a ring.
* If he is not showing a desire to marry after several months or longer, he may never want to marry you. You don't want a man to "settle" for you; your partner should see you as his first choice or something is wrong.
* Know what you are looking for in a man. Learn what personally attracts you to others to help find a better match. Be honest about communicating these preferences, but do so in subtle, caring manner.
* Most men want a feminine woman. Interestingly, women who fit this description are more likely to attract masculine men.
* Ironically, women who give men an incentive to marry them may end up moving him in the opposite direction.
* It's certainly important to maintain who you are. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Whatever attracted him to you, be sure to maintain it. It is well-documented that men appreciate women who are beautiful, cute, and/or sexy in their eyes. If you disregard this fact, don't expect your man to view you as the "most beautiful woman in the world".
* Visualize being the woman who a man remembers fondly. Capitalize on your positive unique qualities, talents, or interests.
* As author Sarah Ban Breathnach said, "If you wait for the best, you will very often get it." Expect good things to happen. Create a mission statement - and be specific - defining precisely what it is you want in a man. Revisit and revise this statement from time to time. Prepare yourself mentally to meet and marry the man of your dreams.
* Show some confidence-women who have high self-esteem, are comfortable and happy with themselves, are irresistible to men. Smile, show off your love for him and yourself by showing how happy your relationship makes you!
* Always, always, always keep trying new things on multiple fronts. Whether it's new food, a new sport, or a new travel destination, this will keep life exciting, and you interested in your own life. Both men and women become depressed when they feel they know exactly what to expect out of the rest of their lives.
* Be positive, fearless, and enjoy your life! If you think you need him to make life more fulfilling, then you need to focus on you for a while and learn how to be whole without him. A man won't fill any void.

Warnings
* Women whom men eventually leave might exhibit the following traits: o Complaining. It's not good to be negative. After a while this is like listening to a bad disco record over and over. Believe it. o Thinking men are all about sex. Giving it out early and often will not necessarily keep a man. Hint: How soon first sex happens, in and of itself, has little to do with how long a relationship lasts. o Focused on physical appearance. Being cute is not enough to land a well-rounded guy forever. If you get a guy to commit to you based on looks alone, stay tuned for a miserable life together. o Taking no risks. They worry about everything and don't have the guts to go for what they want. o Having general problems. OK, someone else in your past has nothing to do with your new guy. You must enjoy being a woman and be attracted to what makes men male.
* Jealousy. Unfortunately, jealous people may also cheat on their partners. Studies say that when people criticize others, listeners tend to consign the traits criticized to the speaker him/herself. Are you a walking, self-fulfilling prophecy?
* Vanity: No guy likes a wife who goes around thinking she's better than everyone around her. Positive Self-esteem-Good. Vanity-Bad.
* Don't be controlling. If you are a controlling woman, you are not showing him the respect he may need to feel good about himself.

Get a Good Man

How to Get a Good Man It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman.

This is written from a man's perspective to help frustrated women that are sincerely looking for a good man but keep finding losers.

Steps

1. Be yourself.
When you meet someone for the first time, you may be tempted to be someone you're not, such as "putting on your best face".
There's nothing wrong with wanting to make a good impression.
However, it is possible to take this too far and in turn repel men.
The same applies with myths about dressing sexy and excessive flirtation.

If you do not respect your body, you will only attract men who have a similar lack of respect for you and your body, and a good man will find it more difficult to take you seriously. Be yourself, and a real man will respect you.

2. Have a life.
Desperate, dramatic, and clingy relationships are often rooted in a feeling of need and desperation for a man to fill your life. Even if you have low self-esteem, but work over time to build it.
Pursue your goals, explore your passions, have an interesting life, do things that take you outside your boundaries. Don't put up a tough exterior to get over shyness; gradually learn to build trust with a network of people, so that your boyfriend isn't the only person you open up to and share your life with.

3. Be relaxed and cool.
Most guys hate it when girls are possessive, bitchy, clingy, controlling, etc. Learn to relax, and have fun. We all have too much going on in our lives; don't be the high maintenance "drama queen".
Having a woman around who makes life more difficult than enjoyable will make a man lose interest. If you do things like show genuine concern when the man has had a rough day, it will earn his respect and go toward winning him over and a good man will reciprocate.
Remember that most men, especially the good ones, are looking for someone with whom they can be comfortable, and not someone who is always intense.

4. Realize differences in communication.
Men can often miss the subtle messages that women send in their body language. Don't judge a guy because of this, it's just the way men are.
Subtle body language like smiles only make a man think that you might like him; he can't assume it means you're interested without being accused of being a self-absorbed jerk.
To drive the point home, gradually introduce more "obvious" body language like playful touches on the arm, playful banter and teasing, winks, inside jokes, playfulness, or (when you know him better) attempts to find a man's ticklish spots.
(Don't be afraid to kindly tease him over minor things - women who pretend a man is perfect are regarded as weak in their eyes.)
Flirting will not only show him you like him enough to get that physical and playful, but also help to break the physical barrier and allow a man to feel more comfortable making a few advances to you. But don't forget to look at how he is reacting to you.

5. Take a good look at yourself.
Psychological studies have shown that people seek out partners to fill a psychological void. Sometimes these voids are unhealthy, for example a woman who is unhealthy will actually seek out any man for the "high of seduction" or to get attention and feel desirable.
Look inside yourself and ask yourself why you want a man so bad, be truly honest with yourself, and if need be talk to a therapist about this.
A woman with issues only attracts a guy with issues as well, and a good, real man doesn't want anything to do with a woman who has more issues than TIME magazine.
If you want a good, healthy relationship with a real man, make certain that your own mental state and intentions are healthy.

6. Drop the games.
Nobody likes a partner who plays "head games". This is deceptive, and will hurt anybody who trusts you. Be real, don't play games, and good men will respect you and may even pursue you. Playing head games will only make good men run away. Remember the communication thing? That is especially true here.
If you like a guy, don't push him away and act like you don't like him. Tell him.
Yes, there are some men who do like the thrill of the chase, but all good men genuinely want to respect you and your wishes, and will leave you alone if you insist on it. Remember, men communicate directly, if you act like you don't want him, he'll think you don't want him.

7. Treat him with respect.
This is the most important thing of all. Men hate being around a woman who emasculates them, and a good man won't take long to leave such a woman.
Don't be afraid to help your man feel good about himself. A little known secret is that men are just as insecure as women. If he's with his friends or family be open to opportunities to let your man look like "the man". It will win his love and respect.

8. Don't be afraid to make a move.
Let's be real, a good man doesn't desperately need any woman, he would like to meet a good woman. If he's a good man, he will appreciate the compliment to his attractiveness, at the very least.
But remember that compliments are usually given to acquaintances - people who are intimate usually have a more honest connection, with playful teasing and banter.
Think of good relationships between brothers and sisters, parents and children, especially couples - they're always joking, laughing, teasing, flirting in a positive way. A woman who is always complimenting may simply be boring and look desperate.
Even if you are old-fashioned and never want to be the woman who asks a man for a date, you can still go out of your way to talk to him, and arrange to be with him.
Don't over do this, however; unless he is already attracted to you before the encounter, the more obvious it is that you've put a ton of time into the encounter without his direct encouragement, the more desperate and less attractive you look. Work on building attraction first.

9. Respect yourself.
If you say no, he should stop. If he doesn't stop, leave. Don't ever be uncomfortable saying no. Don't go against your morals to try to keep a guy. If you feel this is necessary, then either he's not a good man, or he is a good one but simply isn't a good match for you specifically (e. g. he is currently "playing the field" and is up front and honest about it, but you're looking for an exclusive relationship).
Don't be uncomfortable saying yes, either. If you feel the time is right, believe in your worth and don't worry that you're "giving yourself away."
You respect yourself and you're confident that he'll come back for more! A man who doesn't respect you in the morning never properly respected you to begin with, and a man who doesn't respect your wishes to wait is too impatient to make a good partner. Either way, find someone else.

10. Follow the Golden Rule.
That means apply the same rules to yourself that you'd apply to others, including him. Real men do in fact notice this, they just don't scream it out.
For example, if you do want to try finding his ticklish spots, then don't complain one bit if he tries finding yours in return. Don't go on about how you "don't NEED no man!" or about "men this, men that" if you don't want him treating you the same way.
DO, on the other hand, treat him--and others--with respect, dignity, and honor. Others will notice, too, and who knows--if they know you want a good, real man but don't yet have one, they just might introduce you to one!

11. Don't Be Clingy.
This means don't show that you love this person by being near them all the time they need space and they need to know that you don't want to follow them everywhere you go and they need to know that you have your own life.

Tips

* A good way to meet someone is through other people, or activities you enjoy. Some advice about being genuine: Don't take up hobbies or habits just to meet someone. If you meet him in a bar, he's liable to be a drinker. If you meet him in a house of worship, he's likely to be religious. First impressions are important, so if his first impression of you is "party girl", it will be difficult to change. The same thing goes for if his first impression of you is "uptight girl" or "mind-game girl".

* Practice the Golden Rule. If you want him to do something, you should be equally willing to do it yourself. You want him to ask you out or take you out or do whatever else for you? You should be equally willing, and don't wait for or expect him to do it first. Good men respect a woman who applies the same rules to herself that she would apply to a man.

Warnings
* Always give a man his space when he needs it - never come between a man and his friends, asking him to choose - he will ultimately resent you for it, even if he initially chooses you.

* Remember - interesting men look for interesting women. Make sure your life is about more than just him.

How is your look

What's in a Look?
The Ins and Outs of Flirting Many people have truly no idea what flirting is, much less how to do it effectively.

Truth is, though, in today's busy and crowded world, you often only get a very short time to make an impression on someone- often from a distance- and flirting may be the only chance you get. Whether it's in a crowded classroom, restaurant, mall, or other gathering place, you constantly have an opportunity to meet new people through subltle flirting.

For the girl, flirting can send a message to the guy from a distance that you're interested, or at least you want to get to know him a little better.

For the guy, flirting with a girl gives you a chance to see her reaction to you. A positive reaction would likely give you the signal to introduce yourself.

Flirting, accomplished effectively, sends the signal that you are a friendly, nice, and fun person, and you may be interested in the other person. These days, however, it is important to flirt strategically and politely. A persistent,unwelcome flirt can be not only irritating, but downright scary, in the wrong situation. The key here is drawing the line between looking/glancing versus staring/leering.
Accompanied with the look, is the smile. A natural, friendly smile will always do better than the forced, fake one. In fact, the forced smile is often referred to as a 'psycho' smile. No one likes to be looked at like the other person is going to paint a 20 foot mural of you in their basement. Ok, here's specifics.
For either a guy or a girl, a 2-3 second look, with a friendly smile, is usually enough to show interest. Try practicing with a friend, or in the mirror, and you will find three seconds is much longer than two people normally look into each other's eyes, unless they know each other well. Just as important as the duration of the look, however, is what you do right afterward. You want to give a confident, but not overconfident appearance. Avoid looking at the ceiling (showing arrogance or lack of interest).

For girls, looking down right after the glance can send a positive and flirtatious message. For guys, looking back a few seconds later with a smile can go a long way. If you can, glance her way then return to your conversation or smile. You're sending the message that you are a happy and fun, and not desperate. Body language during the 'look' can be equally inportant. You want to look relaxed and confident, yet not like you're full of yourself.

Guys, don't flex your muscles intentionally, unless you're in the gym.

For the girls, fixing your makeup, hair, or other personal appearance detail may just send the message that you're 'high maintenance.' If you want to make sure you look good, check in a mirror before you begin 'the glancing game,' Remember, if you're not talking to this person face-to-face yet, all they have to go on their impression of you is what they see.

Attract person you like

Want to quintuple your odds of winning in the dating game?
We surveyed a variety of top experts and learned five unbelievably effective secrets to make the opposite sex come running.
Here's how you can use them to work for you:

1. BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION

Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the center of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and nationally-known expert in the field of spacial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...) If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenters tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies.

2. THE COLOR LURE What color can you wear to compel the opposite sex to approach you? According to Color Consultant Leatrice Eiseman, Director of the Pantone Color Institute and author of Colors For Your Every Mood, women are attracted to men wearing the color blue. And why wouldn't we be? According to Eiseman, guys who frequently wear blue are "stable, faithful, constant and always there." The blue guy is a fantastic candidate for a long-term relationship -- someone who's dependable, momogomous and can match his own clothes. And what about the ladies? Eiseman says women should wear a pink- peach to make themselves most approachable. The color is "very flattering to most skin tones, it gives you healthy glow," and according to Eiseman, projects "a little vulnerability which brings out something protective in men." Want to wear a color that weeds out guys who can't handle strong women? Try a deep red, burgundy or plum. Men who aren't attracted to strong women will steer clear. Of all the colors, red is the most sensual. But, wear red with caution. "Red is the color of sex and power," says Eiseman. Red adds an element of excitement and attracts two types of men - men interested in sex, and men attracted to powerful women. Sure, you'll probably have to fend off a lot of freaks, but you could also end up attracting a guy that isn't threatened by the fact that you make a bigger salary. Concerned your wardrobe is driving people away? Stay away from what Eiseman calls "squished caterpillar yellow-green" which is said to repel both sexes equally.

3. BODY TALK THAT REELS 'EM IN How do you use body language to attract the opposite sex? If you're a woman, the key is to make yourself approachable. According to nationally-respected body language expert and professional speaker, Patti Wood, you want to make yourself a "safe" (read approachable) target. How do you accomplish that? Don't take up a lot of space (which is a sign of power and superiority.) Wood says, "we are strong women, but remember, we're trying to get a man to come over and talk to us." She explains, "you have to show you have room for someone else in your life." In addition, Wood says "to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. " Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt - signal you're listening to what the other person has to say. For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive. Body language tips for both sexes: Don't fold your arms and don't chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. According to Wood, the chewing indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions.

4. THE POWER OF A SMILE
Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Not a great big plastic game-show smile, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here" face will do the trick. According to Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness."

5. TEMPTING WITH SCENT Studies show that men associate the scents of cinnamon and vanilla with love. To make the scents work for you, try baking some ready-made cinnamon rolls about an hour before your date arrives, or, wear a cinnamon-vanilla scented perfume (there's a fabulous vanilla perfume called "Dulce Vanilla icon" ). Aromatherapy experts have long-believed cinnamon to be an aphrodisiac. According to Laura Davimes, aromatherapy and herb expert , and owner of Herban Avenues, "certain aromatic plants exude oils similar to our own sexual secretions or pheromones. Wearing cinnamon/vanilla blends increases the presence of pheromone-like substances and dramatically increases attraction." The scent of a woman? Women, according to a recent study, are attracted to a black licorice scent. So, be sure to pick up licorice or Good 'n Plenty at the theater snack bar. And, if you're at a club and happen to spill a little Jaggermeister on your shirt, don't worry about the stain, just consider it your lucky night.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - Lisa Daily is the author of "Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One " in 3 years or less" at bookstores everywhere. "This chick really knows what she's talking about!" --Howard Stern Get a FREE dating tips newsletter and fabulous man-snagging techniques at www.stopgettingdumped.com (C)Copyright 2002, by Lisa Daily. All rights reserved.

Ask to Date

I'm waiting... It seems simple enough, but it can be the most difficult part of a date. So what do you do? Biggest clue: THINK AHEAD You don't want to be standing there going, "Um, ah." when the object of your affection says "Yes." You can't just looked stunned and be too shocked to utter the next sentence. You can't wait for that very moment to try to think of what on earth you can do on a date. You need a more impressive beginning.

Why'd I say that! If you're at the start of a relationship or asking for a first date, take the pressure off by not using the "D" word. Don't ask for a "Date" and don't call it a "Date." If you're uncomfortable saying, "Would you like to go out with me."

Then don't say it. Make it casual. But (just a reminder)THINK AHEAD. Make it specific.
First - two deadly questions NOT to ask:
Do not ask, "You want to go out?" it's too open-ended and can lead to awkward follow up conversation.
Do not ask, "What are you doing Friday night?"
It's too vague. It may leave your potential date wondering exactly what you have in mind. The other person doesn't know if you're just curious about what she/he is doing on Friday night or if you want to do something with them... Try something along the lines of: "You like to rollerblade? I was thinking of going out to the lake on Saturday. It's great out there. Would you like to go with me?" Or if you're really uncertain or uncomfortable about getting together - go with a group. Ask the question: "Hey, there're a bunch of us going bowling on Saturday. Would you like to go?" The operative word here is "us." It immediately takes the pressure off. Planning activities to do on your date and getting together in a group are good ways to go - especially if you think you or your date might get "tongue-tied." If you're busy or there are a bunch of other people in the conversation, you won't hit awkward silences and won't have to talk all the time if you don't know your date very well.

In summary, just remember when you are asking someone out:
1) Plan ahead Know what you are going to say AND what you want to suggest to do on the date.

2) Be specific The other person will be much more comfortable if they know exactly what your intentions are and what you want to do.

AND try to relax and enjoy yourself - worst case - they'll say they can't go out and you'll find someone else who will. Someone who appreciates you. In other words, if the person you are asking out doesn't have enough insight to recognize what a terrific person you are, then they're just not too bright now, are they?

When it comes to jealousy..

When it comes to jealousy, the problem and the cure can be simpler than the green-eyed monster would have you believe!

The problem:

There is a popular idea that when a person is jealous of attention his or her partner is receiving from or giving to others, he or she really wants to get rid of the partner. It is as if when you are jealous, you have a subconscious desire to break up with your partner; therefore, your jealousy will chase him or her out of your life.

We disagree. Just think about the last time you felt jealous of attention your partner was receiving from others, especially if your partner is still in your life. Did you want to get rid of him or her? Or did you, rather, feel threatened that the other person(s) would steal him or her away.


Now, there are people who are chronically jealous and use their jealousy to abuse those they claim to love. However, we are not talking about that kind of jealousy.

We are talking about the kind where he has a friend with whom he has enough camaraderie that it gets your attention and gets on your nerves. Or she has someone at work who regards her highly and she appreciates that regard just enough to make you feel uncertain, like you had better pay attention to this friendship.

This kind of jealousy, when confronted, results in conversations that break down because your partner doesn’t get what’s wrong! He or she is so convinced of the legitimacy and integrity of these friendships that your jealousy is perceived as something that just should not exist at best, annoying or insulting at worst. His or her lack of understanding, perhaps lack of compassion, makes your feelings worse instead of better.

The unwise will put his or her partner in the position of making a choice between the friend and the partner. The wise will resist putting his or her partner in that position and will continue to struggle with the issue. If told that your jealousy is a signal you desire to be free of your partner, you will likely give back an angry response! You do not want to get rid of your partner. What you desire, more than anything, is to feel secure inside your romantic relationship.

Jealousy comes down to a lack of self-worth. The resulting behavior may indeed get rid of the partner, but that is a symptom and not the problem. The problem is a lack of foundational value within the jealous person. You simply do not feel valuable enough to be secure in the knowledge of your partner’s love.

This could extend to friends, parents, and children. Persons who are jealous are rarely only jealous of a single person in their lives. Jealousy is an issue that rears its monster green head over and over again. The problem isn’t with the other people, it’s with you not loving yourself enough.

If you are trying to get rid of your partner, you are likely trying to control when and how he leaves in an effort to both prove your sense of worthlessness as well as pretend to hold on to the dignity of at least being the one in control of the leaving. That isn’t the same as wishing to be rid of your partner and choosing a neurotic way to get rid of him or her.

The cure:

In the jealous person’s worldview, an ideal reality may be that all you have to say to her is, “Please stop seeing him,” and she does; or all you have to say to him is, “Please reassure me every time I need to be reassured,” and he does. In life, though, we need our friends and extended family as much as we need our intimate partners and immediate family. In addition, we need those people to be from a variety of age groups with both sexes represented. Life is simply fuller and healthier when we have large support systems with lots of perspectives available. Life is also fuller and healthier when our intimate partners are not only confident of our love but also experience that confidence from within.

When you are suffering from jealousy, you need to know that you belong to your partner and your partner belongs to you. How do you fill yourself with confidence that your intimate partner is still crazy in love with you and desires only you? There are a number of ways to accomplish this.

If your partner can tolerate hearing you process about the relationship that makes you jealous, do your best to keep it at a minimum. Use I-statements when you talk about it. Make the conversation be about your feelings, your experience. Refrain from making him or her wrong, but ask for support. For example, if she is willing to interrupt meals by accepting phone calls from her friend, ask her to stop. Request that she let her friend know she won’t be taking phone calls during meals but will call him back when she gets the chance. Expect her friend to respect your relationship.

You are working to heal your jealousy, let your partner know you expect your process to be respected and your feelings to be cherished. You are not asking her to let go of the friendship. She needs to respect the ways the friendship impinges on your life by setting good boundaries with her friends and family.

When making love, be present. Pay attention. Be real with the fact that he only shares this with you! There may be a world of people out there who admire him and want him to be their friend, but this he does only with you. Whenever there are moments that declare you are his alone and he is yours alone, really be present with those moments!

Never process your jealousy when the two of you are being intimate. That can come across as punitive and can ruin the moment for days to come.

Let him know you desire reassurance. If he thinks that lovemaking alone should reassure you and it doesn’t, be honest. Friendships are luxuries that carry a lot of responsibility. One bit of responsibility is that we not use a friendship to hurt another, whether purposefully or by accident. This is especially true when the one being hurt is our intimate partner.

Speaking of the responsibility of friendship, if you need the freedom to process your jealousy outside of the relationship, choose wisely. Choose a friend who loves your mate, someone who will refrain from judging him or her and truly assist you in processing your experience and your feelings. If such a person doesn’t exist in your life, a trained professional will do. However, if that professional chooses sides, even your side, that person is no longer a wise choice.

You are not asking someone to help you drive a wedge between you and your partner. You are asking for assistance to heal the jealousy that resides in you, acknowledging that it is your responsibility. Such assistance will not come from someone who needs to choose sides.

Spend as much time as you can loving yourself! We create that which we put our attention on.

The more you love yourself the more the people in your life show up to love you. More importantly, the more you love yourself, the greater your confidence grows.

If you are struggling with jealousy, you need to know beyond any doubt that you are worthy of your partner’s unconditional love and positive regard. Your partner cannot give that to you. Life may not have given it to you yet. Your parents may not have had it to give. Nevertheless, you can give that worth to yourself! Love you! Love yourself as though you are crazy in love with you until it is true and then love yourself some more.

More than physical attractiveness, more than an attractive personality, confidence is sexy!

Confidence will turn his head again. Confidence will make her sit up and take notice. Confidence will make you more attractive to yourself as well as to your partner. It will fan the flames of healing self-love and it will fan the flames of your romantic love.

Friendships outside of primary relationship come and go. A time will come when your partner’s friend is less present in both your lives. When that starts to happen, go ahead and celebrate that fact between you and you! Let it remind you that yours is the primary relationship. Let it remind you that you belong to your partner and your partner belongs to you.

As your jealousy heals and the anger fades, celebrate the love between you and your partner. One of the problems jealousy brings with it is an ever-present sense of anger that can require so much time and attention that you may wonder how you will get along without it! You will get along without it.

As opportunities for laughter and affection increase, as processing gives way to conversations about hopes and dreams for the future, as you continue to share experiences that bond you, your confidence in your own worth will continue to grow within yourself and within the relationship. You will find there is room for both of you to have as many friends and family members in your life as you desire. Moreover, life can be full, rich, and rewarding, as you indeed grow old together.


About The Author
Copyright, all rights reserved, 2008; Joseph and Sarah Elizabeth Malinak are the authors of "Getting Back to Love," the definitive book on the mama’s boy/daddy’s girl relationship that is so prevalent today. It is available at amazon and at http://www.GettingBacktoLove.com. Find the Malinaks at http://www.IdealRelationships.com where you can sign up for their FREE newsletter, The Art of Creating an Ideal Relationship! Joseph can also be found at http://www.josephmalinak.com.