How to Define Love
"How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?" — Albert Einstein
Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, or at least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.
Steps
1. The dictionary defines love in the ways we use the word. For example love is:
* A strong positive emotion of. affection or pleasure. e.g. "His love for his work." or "I love cooking."
* Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking; "the theater was her first love". I love French food.
* Beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
* A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction. e.g. "She was his first love" or "She loves her husband."
* A score of zero in tennis or squash; "It was 40 love!"
* Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people. e.g. "They made love." "He hadn't had any love in months";
2. Love is characterized by the desire to do anything for that person no matter what. And you're willing to work out your problems together. And you just can't hardly breathe when you're around them and even though you may see them all the time or hardly ever it's as if you get that rush of what you felt when you got your first kiss #The Greeks defined love in four categories:
* AGAPE love is unconditional love. It is love by "CHOICE". A good example is "GOD LOVES US"
* PHI LEO love is the love of "ATTRACTION" guided by our likes or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires.
* STORGE is a physical show of "AFFECTION" the need for physical touch.
* EROS is the physical "SEXUAL" desire, intercourse.
3. Define love, what does it mean to you? Be bold and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love.
4. Be aware of moments you feel love towards anyone or anything.
5. Consider your motives, what are you getting from the situation.
6. Think about whether you'd feel the same way if the other person's looks were to change.
7. Capture that feeling with metaphors, poetry or songs.
8. Define love like a psychologist: love can be viewed triangularly. There are three key components: passion, intimacy, and commitment.
* Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
* Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
* Commitment is the decision-making part "CHOICE" of love; are couples willing to work it out?
9. Understand that love may start as harmless flirting and smiles and winks and maybe even kissing, but it is usually infatuation at this point, a more curious approach by one or both parties. While time is usually spent looking to discover more about this intriguing person, much time will be spent pondering the many possibilities of what could happen, or the consequences that may become of a certain action, or on the other hand the good that may come of it.
10. Understand that most often to the person in love there will be little left of interest in the real world, food will taste bland, concentrating will have become a serious mental struggle and even fun pastimes may seem worthless, as pacing and walking or even simply sitting or lying while thinking about the person seems a more sensible thing to do.
* This type of behavior can lead to serious disturbances at work and at home, especially if the person feeling love is already an item with somebody else with whom they may have shared these feelings at some time in the past.
11. Note that although love has never been scientifically proven to exist, it is thought; quite accurately as of yet that one can only be in love with one person or thing at a time. The part of the human being that is reserved for sharing with another (which some may call the soul, or the heart) is used up while dedicating itself to that one source, and that it is impossible to feel the overwhelming feeling twice at once.
* Although similar, love is thought not to be like pain which has definite locations; it is thought that it can move around, although usually it will reside in the lower stomach or the bottom of the throat, with sensitive areas like the temples and the legs and joints feeling stressed and weak. The mouth is often dry and the eyes seem strained, and this is all usually given the diagnosis of love sickness; or in some cases where love isn't present; influenza.
12. Understand that time does seem to be the only healer in the case of love. The full connection of two loving parties (mutually) could lead to a stronger relationship, and developments such as procreation and marriage; but in the case of a single party or the rejection of the first party by the second, or even in the case of a secret love, being in love will usually only fade after the interest is out of sight and out of mind, or gives full closure to the pursuer.
13. Realize that in some cases (especially in literature) love will last forever. No matter how much time passes by, or what obstacles become present in the path to true and pure love, love will endure. This may be far fetched from reality, but many find it to be a preferable way to think.
* Although this may be a much more joyous belief to have of love, there are also those situations where love does fail. This can be easily said to have been due to false love of mistaken identity between persons (as lovers are star crossed and are meant to find each other). Either way, the difference between feeling love and not feeling it is a distinct one, and cannot be mistaken. It is a true sickness that is present and can be more crippling than the flu, depression and many other illnesses combined.
* Love can cause war; in the cases of love of religion and the love of money; war can cause people to steal and murder, it can lead to suicide and shatter marriage and family life, it can spread disease and give birth to evil; but love is eternal and cannot be eliminated, it is what makes people human. "I think therefore I am" may also be translated as "I love therefore I am". Being able to think give us the ability to choose our partners not because of their breed or simple survival of the fittest, but in order for us to develop as human beings, and to share our love and spread it on to new generations, so that while love lasts eternally, our mark upon humanity lasts forever through our children and children's children; we have made our mark upon humanity; our genetic code will continue to be passed on and develop for ever more. This possibility is a gift, not a dedication, we have to choose as we were born with conscientiousness, not animal instinct.
* Desire is the want of more and is unfillable, not to be confused with Love which is joy and contentment.
Tips
* There are many combinations, all of which form some kind of love. Is there passion and friendship but very little commitment? This is defined as "passionate love." Are you committed but feel no passion or friendship? This is called "empty love." What most people ultimately desire, is "TRUE LOVE" the total package: passion, intimacy, friendship and commitment in one healthy relationship. It's the most fulfilling love. It is unconditional, and in my opinion the only "CHOICE".
* For inspiration, read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous poem, "How Do I Love Thee?"
* For additional inspiration, you might want to consider this Shakespeare quotation: "Love is not love/Which alters when it alteration finds" (Sonnet 116)
Warnings
* Just because you feel love doesn't mean the other person does!
* People are capable of falling in and out of love so if your "true love" turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, end it and find a healthy person to love.
* Remember there are levels of love, and true love is a "CHOICE" and just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they love you. Their actions will tell.
* Love is not a feeling. couples who have been married for a considerable amount of time, at least 10 years, can tell you that true love is not a feeling. Feelings tend to come and go; true love shouldn't.
* Love can take over your whole life if you are not careful. Let it not take you over, but become a part of who you are. When you think about the person you love it should make you want to be a better person, for them.
How to Get a Good Man It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman.
This is written from a man's perspective to help frustrated women that are sincerely looking for a good man but keep finding losers.
Steps
1. Be yourself.
When you meet someone for the first time, you may be tempted to be someone you're not, such as "putting on your best face".
There's nothing wrong with wanting to make a good impression.
However, it is possible to take this too far and in turn repel men.
The same applies with myths about dressing sexy and excessive flirtation.
If you do not respect your body, you will only attract men who have a similar lack of respect for you and your body, and a good man will find it more difficult to take you seriously. Be yourself, and a real man will respect you.
2. Have a life.
Desperate, dramatic, and clingy relationships are often rooted in a feeling of need and desperation for a man to fill your life. Even if you have low self-esteem, but work over time to build it.
Pursue your goals, explore your passions, have an interesting life, do things that take you outside your boundaries. Don't put up a tough exterior to get over shyness; gradually learn to build trust with a network of people, so that your boyfriend isn't the only person you open up to and share your life with.
3. Be relaxed and cool.
Most guys hate it when girls are possessive, bitchy, clingy, controlling, etc. Learn to relax, and have fun. We all have too much going on in our lives; don't be the high maintenance "drama queen".
Having a woman around who makes life more difficult than enjoyable will make a man lose interest. If you do things like show genuine concern when the man has had a rough day, it will earn his respect and go toward winning him over and a good man will reciprocate.
Remember that most men, especially the good ones, are looking for someone with whom they can be comfortable, and not someone who is always intense.
4. Realize differences in communication.
Men can often miss the subtle messages that women send in their body language. Don't judge a guy because of this, it's just the way men are.
Subtle body language like smiles only make a man think that you might like him; he can't assume it means you're interested without being accused of being a self-absorbed jerk.
To drive the point home, gradually introduce more "obvious" body language like playful touches on the arm, playful banter and teasing, winks, inside jokes, playfulness, or (when you know him better) attempts to find a man's ticklish spots.
(Don't be afraid to kindly tease him over minor things - women who pretend a man is perfect are regarded as weak in their eyes.)
Flirting will not only show him you like him enough to get that physical and playful, but also help to break the physical barrier and allow a man to feel more comfortable making a few advances to you. But don't forget to look at how he is reacting to you.
5. Take a good look at yourself.
Psychological studies have shown that people seek out partners to fill a psychological void. Sometimes these voids are unhealthy, for example a woman who is unhealthy will actually seek out any man for the "high of seduction" or to get attention and feel desirable.
Look inside yourself and ask yourself why you want a man so bad, be truly honest with yourself, and if need be talk to a therapist about this.
A woman with issues only attracts a guy with issues as well, and a good, real man doesn't want anything to do with a woman who has more issues than TIME magazine.
If you want a good, healthy relationship with a real man, make certain that your own mental state and intentions are healthy.
6. Drop the games.
Nobody likes a partner who plays "head games". This is deceptive, and will hurt anybody who trusts you. Be real, don't play games, and good men will respect you and may even pursue you. Playing head games will only make good men run away. Remember the communication thing? That is especially true here.
If you like a guy, don't push him away and act like you don't like him. Tell him.
Yes, there are some men who do like the thrill of the chase, but all good men genuinely want to respect you and your wishes, and will leave you alone if you insist on it. Remember, men communicate directly, if you act like you don't want him, he'll think you don't want him.
7. Treat him with respect.
This is the most important thing of all. Men hate being around a woman who emasculates them, and a good man won't take long to leave such a woman.
Don't be afraid to help your man feel good about himself. A little known secret is that men are just as insecure as women. If he's with his friends or family be open to opportunities to let your man look like "the man". It will win his love and respect.
8. Don't be afraid to make a move.
Let's be real, a good man doesn't desperately need any woman, he would like to meet a good woman. If he's a good man, he will appreciate the compliment to his attractiveness, at the very least.
But remember that compliments are usually given to acquaintances - people who are intimate usually have a more honest connection, with playful teasing and banter.
Think of good relationships between brothers and sisters, parents and children, especially couples - they're always joking, laughing, teasing, flirting in a positive way. A woman who is always complimenting may simply be boring and look desperate.
Even if you are old-fashioned and never want to be the woman who asks a man for a date, you can still go out of your way to talk to him, and arrange to be with him.
Don't over do this, however; unless he is already attracted to you before the encounter, the more obvious it is that you've put a ton of time into the encounter without his direct encouragement, the more desperate and less attractive you look. Work on building attraction first.
9. Respect yourself.
If you say no, he should stop. If he doesn't stop, leave. Don't ever be uncomfortable saying no. Don't go against your morals to try to keep a guy. If you feel this is necessary, then either he's not a good man, or he is a good one but simply isn't a good match for you specifically (e. g. he is currently "playing the field" and is up front and honest about it, but you're looking for an exclusive relationship).
Don't be uncomfortable saying yes, either. If you feel the time is right, believe in your worth and don't worry that you're "giving yourself away."
You respect yourself and you're confident that he'll come back for more! A man who doesn't respect you in the morning never properly respected you to begin with, and a man who doesn't respect your wishes to wait is too impatient to make a good partner. Either way, find someone else.
10. Follow the Golden Rule.
That means apply the same rules to yourself that you'd apply to others, including him. Real men do in fact notice this, they just don't scream it out.
For example, if you do want to try finding his ticklish spots, then don't complain one bit if he tries finding yours in return. Don't go on about how you "don't NEED no man!" or about "men this, men that" if you don't want him treating you the same way.
DO, on the other hand, treat him--and others--with respect, dignity, and honor. Others will notice, too, and who knows--if they know you want a good, real man but don't yet have one, they just might introduce you to one!
11. Don't Be Clingy.
This means don't show that you love this person by being near them all the time they need space and they need to know that you don't want to follow them everywhere you go and they need to know that you have your own life.
Tips
* A good way to meet someone is through other people, or activities you enjoy. Some advice about being genuine: Don't take up hobbies or habits just to meet someone. If you meet him in a bar, he's liable to be a drinker. If you meet him in a house of worship, he's likely to be religious. First impressions are important, so if his first impression of you is "party girl", it will be difficult to change. The same thing goes for if his first impression of you is "uptight girl" or "mind-game girl".
* Practice the Golden Rule. If you want him to do something, you should be equally willing to do it yourself. You want him to ask you out or take you out or do whatever else for you? You should be equally willing, and don't wait for or expect him to do it first. Good men respect a woman who applies the same rules to herself that she would apply to a man.
Warnings
* Always give a man his space when he needs it - never come between a man and his friends, asking him to choose - he will ultimately resent you for it, even if he initially chooses you.
* Remember - interesting men look for interesting women. Make sure your life is about more than just him.
How to Write a Love Poem
For the cash-strapped, or romantically inclined, writing a sincere, well thought out love poem may be just the ticket to your loved one's heart.
It is easy to express your true feelings and thoughts in free-verse or rhyme.
You don't need to be a Shelley or Browning to write a great poem.
All it takes is sincerity, effort, a loving feeling and something to write with.
1. Write a page of standard prose, as fast as you can, about how you felt the first time you saw your loved one,
how you felt the first time you knew you were in love,
and how you feel right now about being together.
These three moments in time will create the structure of your poem.
2. Replace any weak verbs with stronger verbs and any pronouns with proper nouns.
Words depicting the 5 senses work well for love poems.
3. Reread your passage and pick a metaphor to tie the three moments together.
Choosing a metaphor is the most fun part so be wild with it.
An opening flower is a tried and true metaphor for love, but a cloud that looks like a heart might work even better.
4. Rewrite your passage using the metaphor to describe the three moments.
5. Read your page aloud, change things that sounds "off" to you. Make notes where you feel there's a pause in the flow.
6. Write the poem, putting a line breaks where you made the notes.
7. Whether you type or write the poem consider framing your poem. Your loved one may want to keep the poem as a memento!
8. Read the poem aloud to the person you love, or present it as a gift to them. Tips * Who knows—you may just write the "Greatest Poem Ever".
Just remember your poem is for the one you love. So make it personal and sensual.
* Think about your 'love',
how you feel when you are together or apart,
what you miss most when you're apart, how you feel when you reunite.
Write your thoughts and feelings.
Poetry comes from your heart—your thoughts will create a love poem based on your feelings.
* There's no need to be intimidated by rhyme schemes.
Remember, poetry doesn't have to rhyme.
Former Poets Laureate Robert Pinsky and Louise Gluck and current Poet Laureate Ted Kooser all write poetry that does not rhyme.
* The best writing advice is simple: omit needless words. One strong verb steamrolls any three weak ones.
* Poetry and almost all artful prose is about how the words reveal your feelings. Read your writings aloud to yourself to feel what your words are saying. If they stir emotion in you, they will for the person you love.
* Make it personal. If your love is named Kim or Vern try to use it. Don't use cliches', find something unique or special in your relationship and write about that. Your poem should be a reflection of the love you both share.
* One useful tip for any kind of poem is to "write it twice: first with the heart, then with your brain". Express your feelings without sounding corny.
* Read poems for ideas but "Do not copy them" it will get you nothing, and your loved one may find out.
* It's FINE to quote an existing poem. Just include the original author's name and say something like, "I thought of you when I read this."
* Some people are more poetic than others when it comes to expressing emotions, don't give yourself a report card, your poem doesn't need to be perfect just yours. A short, simple, romantic phrase or rhyme from your heart can be put in with a small gift to give your loved one. E.G. "I hope this gift will let you see ...how much, my love, you mean to me...
* A poem that can be written in prose isn't a poem, so don't follow the method of writing a huge block of prose, cleaning it up, and then cutting it arbitrarily into lines. Learn to write real poetry in meter--that will show your lover real dedication and effort.
* Recognize that this is only ONE way of writing a poem. Google "love poem" for a million others. The issue here is not how good a poem it is, it's how much emotion it evokes in your partner. You don't have to stick to the night you met. Try other powerful moments, for example the evening you two walked together just before the birth of your first child, the time you two got caught in the rain, clutching his/her hand on the roller coaster, etc. etc.
* If you want to rhyme, there are great rhyming dictionaries on the internet. Try to stay away from one syllable words and try making every other line rhyme.
* Golden Rule: If you are sincere, your partner will LOVE it. Guaranteed. * Do not talk about raw sex in your poem.
* You don't have to ignore sex either. Look at the work of e e cummings for example. Sex is a part of many romantic relationships and is as raw or refined as the partners themselves, e.g. Jose Nunez "Bilingual"
-from WikiHow
ok, good luck then
